There once was a girl. She ate an apple. The apple had a maggot in it. She died. The End.
I know it's a bit long, but I wrote it myself! What do you think of it? Does it need shortnening? Do you think it wil sell?
2007-08-13 04:04:22 · 30 answers · asked by TV Addict 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Look...who...answered....first...!!!
*looks scared* Scary scary things. I am full of fear.... :( LOL!
2007-08-13 04:10:41 · update #1
I think that the ending has some significant meaning. I think it could change lives, don't you?
2007-08-13 04:12:41 · update #2
It saves going through all the nonsense like in the other epic stories like war and piece. Its straight, guttural, to the point and does not wander from its main characters or story line , like so many others before it. It has a beginning a middle and a end, i personally would not shorten it too much if you were going to as you could ( and please don't think I'm a professional critic as I'm not) lose a significant part of the action in the centre of the story which was what held me there.If you were to shorten it i would miss off "The End" as this will leave it open to a sequel ... maybe, i look forward to any follow-ups with baited breath. good luck.
2007-08-13 04:25:26 · answer #1 · answered by Paul W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should change the maggot to a razor blade, add some excitement before the actual ending, I know that was bad, but I was thinking the worst with an apple.
2007-08-13 11:12:51 · answer #2 · answered by flannelpajamas1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was great. I'd suggest making it a bit shorter, and possibly make the maggot turn into some sort of mystical peyote dragon. It will definitely sell. I can truly see this in bookstores flying of the shelves.
2007-08-13 11:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a good story but if It has too many elements and gets too involved.
Try to eliminate the girl, the apple and the maggot and I think it will be improved.
2007-08-13 11:08:40 · answer #4 · answered by malcolmg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The maggot died. Your story never lived.
2007-08-13 11:11:16 · answer #5 · answered by Harriet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lemme get this straight.
Girl who ate apple with maggot in and then died.
Brilliant! You'll make millions!
2007-08-13 11:11:58 · answer #6 · answered by Hannah B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you edited out the middle part you'd lose your audience in the trivial details of the beginning and the end. I'd leave it just the way it is.
2007-08-13 11:08:50 · answer #7 · answered by Durga sings the classics 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yawn...lol, dragged abit in the middle there lol. You could have cut the prologue down to a minimum too....apart from that...fab darling!
2007-08-13 11:09:33 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I certainly liked the twist at the end.
2007-08-13 11:09:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good....love the ending
2007-08-13 11:10:08 · answer #10 · answered by Thumbelina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋