married bi male in closet, what should i do?

Question

i'm a bi male who has been married for 2 years now and wife would not approve if she knew, i love her deeply but of course have thoughts of being with another man sometimes, what do i do?

Answer 1

I realize so many people answered, BUT, if you want advice from a bi-sexual with grand children who has been around the block many times, there are Two Facts of Life appropriate here. Number one is that bi-sexuals need regular same-sex with a partner of their own sex, although this need not be frequent, just dependable. Otherwise anxiety and disturbed decision making result. The number two fact is that the wife, even if she herself is a bi-sexual, does not want to know. NO, no matter HOW MUCH she might say she does, she does not. DO NOT go there !!! These are the Facts of Bi-Sexual life; this is what we, as bi-sexuals have to work with.

Answer 2

OK, I'm going out on a limb here but I'm on the same boat you are. I told my wife before I proposed to her about my sexual past so she knows. However, just because I'm married doesn't mean that, over the years, I haven't had thoughts or temptations to be with another guy. My wife definitely does not approve and she has made it very clear that if I ever cheat on her (it would not matter if it was with a man or a woman) our marriage would be over. So, because I care for her and love her like I've never loved anyone before (regardless of gender) I keep my wedding vows. It's a commitment that I made and, although it has been very hard at times, I continue to honor it. I hope you find this helpful.

Answer 3

Be honest with her...and really, you should have told her up front before marrying her. As her partner, it is important for the two of you to have open, honest communication.

Your information says you have thoughts of being with another man....Please just keep it to "thoughts", not actions. It would be much better to tell her about your bisexuality, than for her to find out through you having an affair with another guy....That would be absolutely devastating to her.

Your vows do not change, based on your sexuality. You need to be honest with your spouse...Love Honor and Obey...hiding this from her is not Honoring her.

Cheating is cheating, no matter what your orientation. If you were straight, and you were thinking about being with another woman, it would be cheating. Being bi, and thinking about being with a guy is no difference. You have committed to a monogamous relationship with your wife. Unless you talk to your wife, and the two of you have an agreement about having an open relationship, you must stay faithful to your wife.

Sit her down and talk to her...tell her the truth. If need be, get a therapist involved, so that you and your wife can work through any changes this makes to your relationship, and for you two to build more communication skills....there is a level of trust missing in your relationship, if you need to hide this from her.

Answer 4

i'm sitting this one out and don't let me know how it turns out; it's a bit of a mess isn't it? on the one hand you should tell her and on the other hand people never have exclusive call on the other's affections so the only difference is that it is a man that you have your eye on rather than a female;i take it there are no kids involved yet; a lot of guys are in your position, maybe your wife woould be more understanding than you think, what she doesn't know won't hurt her,etc,etc; not very helpful to ask how you got into this position is it? Hmmm, are you going to do anything in terms of pursuing the ohter avenue; this would have a crucial impact on whether you sit on this secret; like i said at the start but important thing is not to worry too much about it.Good luck. As for me i hate the idea of secrets.

Answer 5

This is the age-old dilemma of the Bi-sexual man.
Probably, you should not have got married in the first place without your wife knowing about the Bisexual thing first - then you two could have hammered out what marriage was going to look like under the circumstances...

Answer 6

Be honest with yourself and with her. If your desires to be with another man are overpowering, it is imperative that you tell her you are bisexual. That way, you can both go to counceling...
If your wife loves you she will be understanding. Of course, this is if you tell her. If she was to find out the hard... like catching you in the act... my theory is she will be less understanding and much more infuriated.
Tell her what you are going through and hope for the best.

Good luck.

Answer 7

You know the answer if you are asking the question...

Good Luck with that, honesty is ALWAYS better in the long run..

Question.
Did you know this when you married her? i would think this would have been a BBIIGG issue for you before you proposed? I mean, you kinda made your bed for yourself and now you are wondering how to sleep in it.

All i can say is Good LUck and I hope you can learn from your mistakes..

Answer 8

Well if your not planning to ask for approval to act on these feelings I wouldn't tell her. But if it is diar to be with a man and your going to do it wether she likes it or not I would tell her. She deserves to know the truth. Well she really deserves to know the truth no matter what but if you don't want to make a really BIG argument about it I don't think I would tell her.

Best of Luck!

Answer 9

You made a promise and a commitment to your wife. You should be a man of your word and seek help to make your marriage work.

Divorce is an expensive option. If you don't keep your word, she'll take you to the cleaners.

Your choice.

Answer 10

Be honest with your wife. If your bi-sexuality is something you want to pursue, you might have to let go of your wife in order to do so. As hard as it will be, it will be harder to keep lying to her and yourself. Eventually, guilt and resentment will build up, and you could potentially make both of you unhappy. Best to let go now, to give you both a chance at happiness. Best of luck to you.