my husband caught me with two other guys and i thought he was gona kill me. but i was surprised when he said he didnt mind it happening, as long as i tell him first. i told him that i wanted to try sex with other men, but i would still love him. he was cool about the idea but im scared that he might leave me. but i still love him even if its not him im doing it with. is it ok for me to do this?
2007-08-13 03:38:11 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you want to keep your husband you should be thinking of how to include him in your sexual adventures, otherwise he will find someone else and move on. One way you can make it up to him is if you find a woman that wants to participate and be with him while you be with your guys. This is all risky behaviour but if this is where you are at, and your husband really doesn't mind you having sex with other guys, and if you are OK with this, then you should give your husband the same consideration he is giving you. If you feel it is OK for you to have these kinds of relationships, then you should be alright with your husband having them too. Have you asked him if he wants to watch you getting it on with your two guys?
One thing that will kill an open relationship situation really fast is when one partner thinks they should be able to mess around but the other partner cannot...that just isnt fair.
2007-08-13 04:00:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Some men are okay with the idea of having an open marriage, but then they might also see it as an excuse for them to have an affair as well.
However, if you still love your husband, then the answer is "No", you shouldn't be cheating on him. You should be reexamining the reasons for your relationship and why you're still together if you're obviously looking for affection elsewhere. Why are you looking, and why is he okay with it? Does he work too much and he's too tired to be romantic? Do you feel like he doesn't pay enough attention to you so you're looking for it from someone else? There has to be some deeper reason for your extramarital exploits. And on a different note, do you have kids? Are you staying married because of them and because you feel obligated to stay married because of them?
My suggestion is to look into couples therapy and see if you can rekindle your own relationship before continuing to see other men. If you do have kids, don't think that this won't effect them even if they don't know what's going on. You owe it to them to give them two parents who are happy together instead of just being together for their sake. Try to find the deeper reasons for why you're looking, and see if there's any way to repair the gap.
Good Luck!
2007-08-13 03:55:12 · answer #2 · answered by firebugarts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are doing is clearly wrong. It sounds to me like either this guy has extremely low self esteem or is just goofy. As a man, no way I'd risk getting AIDS and herpes. No way I'd allow a wife to constantly humiliate me in front of my friends. And no way I'd want such a woman to be the mother of my kids. And that leads to why what you are doing is definitely wrong. Marriage is about providing a stable environment to raise children in. You don't have that. You are being highly self centered and immature. You want what you want no matter who it hurts. As I guy, I'm positive he doesn't feel good about this, no matter what he says. Guys generally don't let on when they are hurt. He will certainly leave you at some point, and should have done so already. I don't get this selfishness seen in some above answers. If you want multiple sex partners, why not stay single? Why get married and hurt someone, and screw up your kids' life? Selfish adults, only thinking of themselves. That's the opposite of what marriage is.
Kent in SD
2007-08-13 04:09:38 · answer #3 · answered by duckgrabber 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's never ok to cheat... I mean why even be married? If my husband didn't mind then I would start thinking he doesn't love me which how can you love someone and cheat on them it really doesn't add up. I would never cheat on my husband I love him to much not to mention he satisfies me to where I wouldn't even want to go anywhere else. If your husbands not giving you what you want sexually maybe you should talk to him about it... why go out there and sleep around it only makes you look like the bad one:(
2007-08-13 04:04:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sure it's ok for you to do this. It's not cheating if it is all in the open. Just make sure you tell your husband everything. He probably enjoys the fact that you are attracting other men. Takes the pressure off him. Your relationship will strengthen if he trusts that there is no threat from the other men.
2007-08-13 05:08:09 · answer #5 · answered by Tough Guy 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you dont love him, you cheated on him!! If you really loved him you wouldnt be horing around on him. You are what us married women call...tramps that can never be a REAL WIFE. Sorry to be so mean but you need your *** kicked for getting married in the first place knowing you wanted to screw everyone else. Its ok, your a sinner and sinners get punished!
Have a great life.
2007-08-13 04:00:33 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are very blessed, but, I would continue to discuss the issue with him; thus assuring yourself with all certainty that he is not going to use your actions against you at a later date
Communication is very important in any marriage; and you may find out that he has also gone outside the marriage for pleasure in the past, and his non-reaction is really just a relief of any guilt he might be feeling.
I also have such an open marriage, and we have never been more in love, truly; even though both of us have "cheated" at different times throughout our 20yr marriage.
Tell him of your fears....
2007-08-13 03:56:17 · answer #7 · answered by MWFSAHM 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
some people have very successful open relationships, are you willing to let him fool around with other girls or is it a case of "I'm allowed to play but you aren't". Personally I think it's a bit icky, I'd never cheat.
2007-08-13 03:47:27 · answer #8 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have an open marriage, and if it works for you great! Involve him if he wants it maybe something he desires. Are you ok with him bringing another women in? As far as trying to make it work together, I dont think that will work once you've crossed that line its too much to go back upon. Be happy, practice safe sex and enjoy that you have happiness in your life.
2007-08-13 04:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by GB 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He said it was OK as long as you tell him first. So, take him at his word, and tell him first. Maybe you should also ask him if he'd like to watch -- seems like at least offering would be the polite thing to do, especially since he's being so generous with you.
2007-08-13 03:48:34 · answer #10 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋