My husband and I are considering divorce. We have twin 3 year olds. He plans to request joint custody. I wouldn't have a problem with that if he spent time with his children now. He is scheduled to keep the kids while I work one day a week, but he usually says he can't because he's tired, or plans something else. This year they've went to daycare on his day more than he has kept them. He hardly ever sees them. I get them up everyday, take them to daycare on their scheduled days, I spend the evenings with them, cook dinner, give them their baths and put them to bed. My children are very attached to me and I know they couldn't handle overnight stays without me. I am their routine. Will these things be taken into consideration? I don't mind him seeing them, but I worry about how traumatic it will be at this age. I think they could handle it better if they were a little older.
2007-08-13 03:34:57 · 7 answers · asked by Madmas 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Father has said in past he would sign over rights if I wouldn't hound him for child support. Which I think is sad, because I do want them to have a father, but that just goes to show how much he doesn't care.
2007-08-13 03:48:15 · update #1
The divorce alone will be a change for the kids, so their routine is going to change regardless of what their father does. What matters most is whether their father will live up to the obligations set by the court and why he's asking for joint custody. Is it because joint custody would mean lower or no child support? or because he genuinely wants to spend time with his kids? It's definitely something to bring up with the court and your lawyer. Make sure that anyone involved knows that it's not a matter of you not wanting him to see his kids, but that he isn't a "parent" as he should be and that you don't believe he has proven that he will actually live up to those obligations to his kids. The court may order to review the situation for a while and keep track of his visitation and the arrangements, but generally if you live close to each other, joint custody is very common.
2007-08-13 03:45:28 · answer #1 · answered by firebugarts 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I are separated and we have two children, the youngest being 3. Similar situation -- he rarely spent any quality time with them. Many nights he stayed in a motel when we would argue. But when he does take the children on weekends, there is no problem. The older one could care less if he goes there or not (he would rather be playing with neighborhood kids), but our youngest just loves him and loves being with him. If he is granted joint custody, then technically, he can choose what to do with the kids when he has them, i.e. finding a babysitter or taking them to daycare if he is "too tired." If he fails to get them from you regularly b/c of these reasons, you can always take him back to court.
2007-08-13 10:44:15 · answer #2 · answered by la9799 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your children need to be equally as attached to their father.
I find your comment, "My children are very attached to me and I know they couldn't handle overnight stays without me", interesting, sounds like it might be you that can't handle them being away overnight.
He is their father, he has the right to see them and keep them overnight.
In so much as it being taken into consideration, I have to give my honest answer and say minimally, in essence, waht you are saying to the court is that because he doesn't follow your pattern, your regimen, he should not be able to keep them and/or is an unfit parent.
I think you need to sit down with him and explain to him the way you feel.
The term joint custody varies from state to state, and in some states does not imply physical custody.
These are the things that are much better sorted out prior to the court date, it will make your life as well as the twins life easier, the trauma of hardly ever seeing their father would, in my oponion, far outwiegh the trauma of not following a routine occasionally.
2007-08-13 10:44:40 · answer #3 · answered by Michael H 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless he is willing to assume more responsibility and care and handling of the kids on a regular routine, I'd say his custody should be very limited and he be made to pay a substantial amount to the daycare need if he can't assume responsibility. Be sure to get enough in support and alimony, especially if your work income is very limited.
2007-08-13 10:48:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
His attitude right now may be a result of what is going on in the marraige (not saying it is right or giving an excuse)
I think you first have to give him the benefit of the doubt on how he will be as a father outside of the marraige and then take appropriate action after that.
You never know he might just become more than you thought after breaking out of a failed marraige. We do not know the whole situation but he will have some rights.
2007-08-13 10:49:41 · answer #5 · answered by The Lorax 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From what you have said, I think you should try for sole custody with visitation rights for the dad. Especially since he said he'd be willing to hand over rights as long as he doesn't get "hounded" about money. Sounds to me like he's only trying for joint custody to lower his child support payments.
2007-08-13 10:45:28 · answer #6 · answered by CowboysFan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what....if he doesn't spend time with them....he can't have them!
2007-08-13 10:42:37 · answer #7 · answered by ayo, ERICAA! 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋