can you trust your husband after he cheats?

Question

My husband got a new job 6 months ago, he took my sons cellphone and made it a togo phone that was unknown to me! One morning heard beeping and found the secret phone! He had been texting and talking to this girl at work and home. I and my kids went through hell in regards to that phone! I kicked him out! Then he supposedly understood what dumb mistake he made! He destroyed the sims card and gave my son his phone back! After he let their relationship go she began to text me like a child! But when I called her all she did was Studder! We've been married 10 years together for 13. Can I trust him to be faithful this time?or can icount on him to have a secret life again?thankyou

Answer 1

Think really hard about what YOU want out of your relationship. Do YOU want to make your marriage work, or do you want out? Has he told you HE wants to make it work? Does he want to stay married, or does he want out? WHY does he want to stay married? Is he afraid of being without you in particular or is he just afraid of being alone in general? Y'all have some really tough communicating to do, some really hard questions to answer.

The people here aren't going to be able to tell you whether or not he is trustworthy - all you are going to hear is that "Once a cheater, always a cheater" crap, which is a trite generalization that does not apply to every situation. I've known couples who stayed after somebody strayed, and they actually built a stronger marriage on top of what should have been rubble. It took years of counseling, years of the cheater proving him/herself trustworthy on a day-by-day (and sometimes hour-by-hour) basis.

Are you going to be able to trust him again? Maybe. If he does all the work - calling in to you and letting you know where he is whenever, being where you expect him to be when you expect him to be there, letting you be angry and scream at him (hey, grief can be ugly sometimes) without him getting all defensive and trying to blame YOU for the cheating HE did... A LOT of work. Hard work. And you have to do some hard work, too. You have to look hard at yourself and make sure YOU are living up to your potential, doing your part to put things back together. Don't throw it up in his face when you have a silly spat over putting the toilet-seat down (get my drift?)

Point is, you CAN put your marriage back together, but only if that is what you BOTH want and are both willing to work toward.

Answer 2

it particularly is a sprint tense to take heed to those persons who shop ranting that as quickly as a cheater, consistently a cheater. Affairs happen for many motives, and on occasion "sturdy" human beings have them, nicely known the errors and then fix the marriage and stay dedicated. of direction there are the intercourse addicts and narcissists that probably won't be able to or do no longer decide to be reformed, yet whilst the cheating occurred with the aid of fact of a few choose that wasn't being met interior the marriage and that situation is resolved, why assume that's going to happen returned? This guy looks like he had one final fling in the previous tying the knot, which grow to be a stupid and insecure situation to do, yet no longer unavoidably particularly worth ending the marriage over. He DID marry the lady, so he could desire to have desperate he needed to be together with her, no longer the different woman. If he continues to be ambivalent, then they could desire to get counseling now, in the previous they have little ones. probability is he have been given it out of his equipment and he's waiting to be a dedicated husband. what number adult adult males get a sprint too over excited on the bachelor occasion and nevertheless flow directly to be sturdy husbands? probably particularly some.

Answer 3

you can forgive but you will never forget that is what hurts the most the forgetting its always there my advice to you would be seek out threapy soon the both of you together if you dont the marriage is more than likely doomed if he loves you and wants to work this out he will go if you dont seek help chances are the next man that shows you any attention will be the man YOU have a affair with and that does not help either dont hold on to something that you know in your heart will never be the same again if love is what the 2 of you share mend it soon . Best of Luck

Answer 4

Only you can make the final decision. What can you live with? what has he done to regain your trust? What does your gut instinct tell you? Some times the interest of another woman is too much for man no matter what his intentions are. The father of my kids skipped in /out of this family for 10yrs, he's 40yrs now and there is no change. So I'm now stopping a very tormenting situation that has lingered for far too long. We are removing ourselves from his comfort zone so when he comes back all very sorry and passionate in regret for his mistake, that we are no longer available to play this nasty game. Up to you, what are you willing to wear? All the best.

Answer 5

I don't believe in "once a cheater , always a cheater" but I do believe that he broke the sacred vows of marriage. He may have made a big mistake and may not do it again - but you have to be willing to take the chance of having your heart broken again.

I personally would NEVER be able to trust my husband again! If you do want to try and make your marriage work then I would get into couples therapy and individual therapy.

Good luck and Im sorry!

Answer 6

NO, my mother went through the same thing when i was a child, she stayed with for a while, after my father had a child by another women and all. After my mom got enough courage, she to take her three children and got out.If my mom would have stayed in the relationship because she was scared to do it on her own, i would have had no respect for her in that since at all. Instead she took care of us. Now i know that i would love to follow my mothers foot steps, and take my dignity back.

Answer 7

Only if he is truly remorsefull about the cheating and understands why he done it. He would also have to go into marriage counseling and have preventative measures on not ever cheating on me again. If the woman still worked with him he would have to find a new job and never have contact with her whatsoever. He broke your trust and it will never come back the same. Take care and best wishes.

Answer 8

it is hard to trust someone after that kind of betrayal but if he is really truely sorry for what he has done then it is okay to let him back in. just let him know that if it happens again that it is not going to be the same. if u still truely love him then go ahead and let him back in but keep ur guard up until u are for sure that he is not doing anything. my husband did it to me and to honest our relationship has been alot better since it happened.

Answer 9

He will come to the cross roads and soner or later realize that your love for him is current and when he comes to that fact and understand that you are good too him and should be the only one he loves as a mate then things will get better.

He must decide what he wants to do and there's nothing more you can do except be there for him when he comes around to face up and do right and when he does this he will be rid of the affairs.

Answer 10

You can only hope that he want cheat again. Sometimes the another woman keeps trying to get him back. I have a married woman chasing me and doing everything to get my attention. She wants me for sex. She's married.