not going to make a difference? Is this true even if the reasons for divorce are petty ones?
2007-08-13 03:05:36 · 10 answers · asked by beba 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He says the same thing.
2007-08-13 03:13:31 · update #1
He has never sat down and discussed the issues, and when I try to talk he says that the converation is over and its too late. Today is our 7th year anniversary and its very hard to deal with.
2007-08-13 03:15:13 · update #2
We've been separated for three months, he wants us to be best friends but thats not going to happen, I know we have to get along for the kids but eventually when he gets someone else it is really going to hurt me. he is my first love.
2007-08-13 03:20:56 · update #3
He may not be open to it at first but once there it is possible he could understand to look at it differently. Counselors know how to break through and get a person to open up to help them see reality. If he refuses to respond in helping himself then it's true there is nothing it can do for him. But for you it will help you to accept this and make your own choices about the relationship. They can give you the strength and courage to move on in your own life when a husband hands you a dirty deal. At least you will know that you tried to do everything you could to make the marriage work and realize that it was his loss. Take care and best wishes to you.
2007-08-13 03:19:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, because you apparently don't know the real reason(s) for the divorce. Anybody can go to counselling and say the right things, look like they are being honest and true, and yet not be. I did this for years. What a waste of time. My wife was trying to "fix" me when I knew all along I wasn't "broken". She had problems, but she was so far out in left field that any attempt to get near my issues went right over her head.
2007-08-13 10:19:14 · answer #2 · answered by Karnak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband doesn't make an effort to do the work that needs to be done in counselling then you will get no where. Just because you sit in a session for an hour doesn't mean your cured. You need to take what you've learned in counselling and apply it to everyday life. Dont' waste your money on counselling if your hubby isn't going to try...trust me you'll get no where fast.
2007-08-13 10:11:56 · answer #3 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, how smart are you ??? It's game time... He is setting the field up and now it is your turn. Are you going to play Offensively or Defensively. If you love him and he loves you, play. What is your first move. Take a week-end and leave. Just tell him you are going and you will be back in a couple of days. It will give him time to think. Be prepare for the return home. Gain what you want through action, encouragement, flattery, come on .... Grab him by the balls.
2007-08-13 10:18:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good counselor can wake up a spouse and get them to think about their attitude. Can't tell who wants the divorce -- sounds like it's him. You should get him to go with a commitment for a certain number of sessions (I think Gottman says a minimum of 6). I also think you should go with the attitude that, even if it doesn't save the marriage, you will emerge with a healthy personal self-image that you and he really tried, and with some additional insight and skills toward having good relationships with someone else in the future. In other words (as I told my wife) "Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself. But it will help us, too."
2007-08-13 10:16:59 · answer #5 · answered by Jack07 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why waste the $$ for counseling if he isn't willing to participate? It takes two to make a marriage work, regardless of the issues, petty or not.
When a man doesn't validate that "I" may have problems with the marriage, then that sends me a message saying, your worries and woes aren't important to me. And if my thoughts and fears aren't important to him, then nothing about me is important to him and I may as well move on to someone who does thinks that I'm important and valuable to their life.
2007-08-13 10:10:49 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he has already made up his mind that the marriage is over, so yea-counseling probably won't help. Counseling involves changing and growing together as a couple.....if he is not open to the idea he wont be willing to follow through with it.
2007-08-13 10:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by Jackie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband isn't willing to go to marriage counseling then at least go for yourself to help yourself deal with your marriage without him. That's what I did.....my ex wasn't willing to participate, so i ended up going for myself and began making plans for my new life. He did not follow so we ended up divorced. And now we are great friends and parent's to our son. People change and if they arent willing to change with you and compromise then its time to move on to your better life
2007-08-13 10:19:38 · answer #8 · answered by oklasoonersgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a communication problem in your marriage. Everything ties back to communication. You BOTH need to learn to communicate. He's resistant because he's afraid, pig headed, or other.
What does HE say? You say "everyone", I bet it's not inclusive of him.
2007-08-13 10:11:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he has given up and isn't open to counseling then it's definitely over and you have to accept that he feels that way.
2007-08-13 10:20:53 · answer #10 · answered by Victoria J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋