My husband and I have been married for 5 and a half years and we still do not have our own place. He owns an assited living facility and we currently live in it ( we have an apartment which is a part of the assisted living facility for old folks). I am 26, this is my first marriage and I would like to have my own place and start a family. He is 42 and has 3 kids from previous marriage, so I guess he doesn't really care . I've been miserable for 5 years, I can not stand living here, I can hear our residents flush their toilet, talk etc. when I am in my bedroom. We also live in the country and I am not used to live in the country, I am from a huge city. I told my husband so many times that I wanted to move but he always says : "sure, let's do it, just wait a little " or just makes up an excuse.
What should I do, should I leave him? I think he would do something about this situation if he loved me....
2007-08-13 01:52:17 · 13 answers · asked by Sandy K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, I knew where he lived before we got married, but he promised me that that would change, he swore he would buy a house for us. He is paying his ex-wife's mortgage and we live in the old folks' home, is that fair? I stood by him for years and put up with his crap and crap from his kids, don't I deserve to have my own place?
2007-08-13 07:09:25 · update #1
you need to sit him down and tell him you can no longer live in this place. Tell him you want to start looking at houses. If he gives you an excuse just stop him and say I've wait 5 years and I can't wait any longer. Either we buy a house of our own or I'm outta here!!
2007-08-13 02:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 42, your husband is settled and content where he is. Since he had a previous marriage, he knows there is a possibility that if he bought a house with you, he would have to give it up when the day comes that you no longer want to live with him. Did you not know where he lived before you married him? See, if you are already thinking about leaving him, he is probably smart enough to recognize the signs. If you are that unhappy, go while you are young, and next time think about the future BEFORE you get married.
2007-08-13 02:06:55 · answer #2 · answered by sixftrd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a really big problem on your hands. You and your husband are 2 different people w/o much in common. If he won't respect your wishes to have a place of your own, which is very normal, either you have to put up with his not wanting to move or get out of the marriage now before you get too old to find someone else who will give you what you want/need. Good luck.
2007-08-13 02:05:21 · answer #3 · answered by asldfkjdfj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you apparently didn't discuss your living arranagments, goals for future or anything else BEFORE you got married.
hon, just because we get married, doesn't mean our lives are going to change magically.
before considering marriage, there needs to be discussions on mutual life plans, goals, finances, children and how we intend to live.... we have to have some things in common with each other before marrying, as well... and step back and take a good, hard look at the person to decide whether we can tolerate them or not.
personally i don't think a 42 year old man has anything in common with a girl of your age.
do what is best for you -- and if you intend to make a huge life change in the future, weigh the options, and take the time to figure out what is really best for YOU.
hugs.
2007-08-13 02:11:51 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps he doesn't see the value in taking on another mortgage (since he already owns the old folks home). i am also a young bride, so i understand how it is to want a home and a family. i don't know if this is worth leaving a spouse over, but that is up to you. maybe a counselor could help you two figure out why he is unwilling to compromise. also, if he is unsure for financial reasons, you could use quicken or other financial software to better understand your cash flow. figure out if homeownership would even be possible and outline your plan for achieving your goal. layout it out on paper (excel format). this is concrete, which is usually more beneficial for men than just you saying, "i want a house because..." give him the numbers and figures.
geocities.com/sbiv37/marr
2007-08-13 02:58:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're too young to be so unhappy. Be wise and get out of this marriage, before you have children and are stuck with this man. He's content to live where he is and he isn't going to move. It's not about him loving you, it's about him saving money by living rent free in his own facility. He's not the man for you. Get out while you can.
2007-08-13 02:02:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You knew his situation when you married him. Did he promise you a rose garden and now he's not delivering? 26 is too young to be settling down for that kind of life. It was a bad choice to pick him for a husband...just move on and learn from the experience.
2007-08-13 02:02:31 · answer #7 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you should leave just because he doesn't want to buy a house. what about you? do you work? having any income? he probably is a little hesitant to fully pay for something that you would be benefiting from too. from what it sounds like, he doesn't see any sacrifice or commitment from you and is probably not sure if he wants to get into such an investment with you. i mean - your talking about leaving him just because of this. if I was him, I'd find someone that would help me pay for the home instead of someone always nagging - sorry
2007-08-13 02:03:15 · answer #8 · answered by Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you knew he lived there before you married him. This should've been talked about in great detail before the marriage occurred. You better say something, but I think where you're at is where you're going to stay unless you move on and move out on your own.
2007-08-13 01:57:26 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The rules selection from state to state. although, in case you're legally married to him he won't be able to kick you out of the abode. And if he has not taken action to report a divorce he maximum unquestionably won't be able to kick you out of the abode. that's your place additionally and you reside there and function been residing there because it being your house of residing and he won't be able to placed you out. what is going to probable ensue and it is on condition that he documents for divorce is they are going to make you the two sell the abode and split the money between the two certainly one of you. that's that in case you may not bump into an settlement of a few sort on your individual and then in case you do it is going to could be a criminal rfile asserting what words you the two got here to do not problem. He won't be able to kick you and your daughter out. call your community police approximately your rights and touch a criminal expert additionally as to in straight forward terms precisely what your suited are. he's attempting to drag a rapid one on you and don't permit him. What a merciless individual he could be if he might attempt to kick you out of your place and particularly with a toddler in touch. combat lower back. do not permit him attempt to drag the stuff on you! Sounds as though he's attempting to play you for stupid. practice him you're actually not! suitable of success to you. wish all works out for you and your daughter.
2016-10-15 04:09:22 · answer #10 · answered by reardigan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋