Do you like my new poem? its inspired by the bullies that hurt me n how much i luv fairies! im 14?

Question

I’m in my world right now and the fairies have been let lose,
2 shoot!
All the people who have said I don’t believe,
Start to grieve.
The petite delicate wings start to droop,
And the non believers start to whoop.
I scoop the fairies up into my hand,
And make a stand.
I say fairies always help,
But when they start to yelp,
You all run out.
I take them back to my world to heal,
But one day they’ll be back to steal.
Steal all those who kill!

Answer 1

we luv it kid!
when you write your poems like this the bullies will never beat you, you are tougher, stronger and more courageous than anyone who dares to bully you. keep it up little dude, enjoy your summer holiday.
god bless you tattybow

Answer 2

okay, you'll probably ignore this reply, but I will try nonetheless. You made a good attempt at rhymed poetry. There are a number of spelling errors, and although you might not think it important, it is. Why? because misusing a word is like someone calling you by the wrong name. "let loose" means "set free", whereas "let lose" means to "allow to fail". Also, I don't understand, I really don't, why it is that someone can take so much time to construct a rhymed poem...yet they don't have enough time to type two characters instead of one...it's "to", not "2"! My goodness, how much harder can it be to type one more stroke? A poem is not a cell phone text message! it's art! treat it that way!

Listen, you seem to have a good vocabulary and you have shown a desire to write poetry...all I'm saying is "do it better". Take it seriously. Now, back to your poem. You say that when fairies "yelp", the bullies run away. Well...if you look up the word "yelp" you'll notice that it is a cry of pain...so why would bullies run if the faries were in pain? They wouldn't...but you needed a word that rhymed with "help" and that was the best you could come up with...fair enough, but it's not the right word. When you knowingly put the wrong word in a poem because it's the only one you can find that fits the rhyme, you're cheating...yourself and everyone else. If you can't come up with a good word, then simply rewrite the two lines so that they end with two words that "do" rhyme...anything else is a shortcut that will degrade your poem.

Your poem is cute, but it isn't as good as you could make it if you took your time. Poetry is not about just getting something out there that others can "ooh" and "aaw" about...you could type in a dogfood can's ingredients and you'd get similar responses. However, if you really want to be a better poet, take the time to revise your poems based on feedback from those who bring up areas you need to reconsider. I hope you do just that with the comments I've provided. I took the time to write them down for you, I hope you take the time to read them and absorb them.

you're potentially a good poet...practice...keep writing

Answer 3

I love fairies too!

Again its great and I think you're doing very well.

Only point I'd make is the same as I made for your other poem - don't think you have to make every line rhyme. Don't pick a word just because it rhymes with another word, pick it because it means something and describes how you feel.

The "delicate wings start to droop" line is very powerful and emotive, but you didn't need to rhyme it with "whoop" unless you particularly wanted that word - you could have said "The delicate wings start to droop, as the cruel taunts fill the air" or something like that.

Its up to you but feel free to play with words and don't worry about making it rhyme!

Answer 4

It is hard for me to judge your poem, as I do not know whether it was written in fear or anger.

My feelings are, through your question, that you are been bullied, and need some help and support, and try to help matters by writing poems.

There is nothing wrong in letting your feelings out through writing poetry, it does help, but do not forget, there are lots of people who can help you with your problems, and also help you write more poems.

You seem to have talent for writing, but let it be of nice things, like the fairy's, rather than the bad things like bullies.

Hope this will guide you in the right direction.

Answer 5

An relaxing study. rather the picnic. expected the lion delight laying around and Mr Hyena sneaking in searching for a tidbit! A stalker according to risk attempting to snatch a toddler additionally!

Answer 6

Clearly you were right about one thing. This is your world. If you want to draw us into it, you have to be more clear. Your meaning in this poem is suggested but not really clarified. I don't think it really deserves an in-depth critique until you work as hard at writing it as somebody should work at critiquing it.

That's my honest reaction and I hope you take it in the spirit in which it was given ... to be helpful.

Answer 7

Yes I do like your poem, it has very good use of vocabluary & is a well writen piece which describes your thoughts. I do find it a little disturbing your reference to the fairies who "shoot,steal & kill",but if that is what you wanted to express in your poem then fair enough.

Answer 8

this is very good for your age.
Kevin S has posted the best review on your poem. he's harsh a bit but gives the points which make your work better. read it carefully.
keep up the good job.

Answer 9

Its a little fairy tale and not bad at all
But don't give your age out on the internet its not wise
take care.

Answer 10

Yes the poem has a meaning.