What happened to the real Man?

Question

What happened to the real Man- the one who used to look for a woman to make his wife for all time. The one who wanted to love her and look afer and provide her with a home, security and stability til death did they part? Do these kind of men still exist?

Elmansell- i will tell you i married one man and stayed for twenty years running his home from start to finish whilst he cowered from responsibility and beat me into the bargain. I raised his three kids and i worked part time all the time and studied and got a degree- i don't see why i shouldn't have the love and security i earned and crave- thats how God wanted it from the start- nothing wrong with that. I am willing to stay at home, cook and clean and pamper a man- as long as he provides a home for me. It doesn't have to be fancy- i am not materialistic or vain- i am hardworking, caring and loving- all i want is a man the same.

SKUNK PIE- Lazy is one thing i am not- if you read the details and if you knew what my life has been thus far you would most certainly know lazy i am not. I have work bl**dy hard and raised three fantastic kids- when you get to approaching 44 and you should be able to sit back and let someone treat you nice for a change- you read the idea wrong- i have no intention of not doing looking after a man- it was always a mans role to provide and protect and i cannot see anything wrong with wanting that- independance stinks.

Answer 1

I've been with my wife for 18 years, we've had 3 sons together, she's my favorite person in the world, and unless our country gets invaded, I'm never going to leave her!

Answer 2

There are men like that still out there, they are just harder to find. Society has redefined the role of the male in the family due to several factors. As women moved into the workplace women became more independent and no longer had to rely on the male to be the provider. Over time, this expanded, especially due to the radical feminist movement that defined the strong male as misogynists that were trying to keep women in their place. Also, divorce, especially the no fault variety, has made marriage a disposible commodity. People get married thinking that if it doesn't work out they'll just get a divorce and try again. If you don't start with the expectation of staying together no matter what then you probably won't. We are a society that thinks any problem should be solved in thirty minutes to an hour and if it can't be then we are frustrated.

Real men were designed for adventure, challenge and to go out and conquer. Today's society forces us into the mold of the "nice" guy. So, in the end, we are stuck in jobs we hate and lose the passion that we should be feeling. Men need to restore the three longings that are at the core of each man: a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. That's not to say that we should actually become the macho stereotype that everyone assumes goes with this. In fact, it should be just the opposite. Real strength doesn't require the false bravado but shows itself in quiet confidence and ability. Men need to take risks, find adventure. And no, this doesn't mean that men should quit their jobs and head for the wilderness, but they do need to find a passion in their lives and I think that todays environment loses that passion. Some people get excited about sitting in front of a computer trading stock or analyzing business plans. Good for them, but many us us don't. While it can be challenging, it's not engaging and that is what we need. Till men find that it's going to be hard for them to be the man you need. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hi Libby,

Sounds like you've had a tough time!

Ignore some of the foolish comments posted - I can only imagine those people either haven't been in your situation or simply don't understand your question.

Drawing from my own experience involving several failed relationships, then finding the girl of my dreams, I would like to say categorically:-

Those men do exist!

They are not born this way, neither are they nurtured into this way. They are created when two people who meet each other fall utterly and completely in love.

I would like to think, that in my relationship, I meet all the criteria you mentioned in your question. I'm no superman! - I simply adore the girl I live with,I love her so much I want to do all the things you mentioned, not because I was born that way or because I feel I should, I just want to treat her like a princess and provide everything I can.

The only advice I can give you Libby or indeed anyone else reading this post is this:-

If you're in a relationship that doesn't give you what you want, end it!

I like many other people have stayed in relationships that have been 'comfortable'.

I've also heard many people say that you have to 'work' on a relationship or marriage - Whilst I admit there have to be compromises in relationships / marriage I disagree strongly that you should have to 'work at it' - if you genuinely love the person it shouldn't be work - it should be pleasure.

When you meet the RIGHT guy Libby, trust me, he'll give you everything you're looking for.

Don't go looking too hard, it'll happen when you least expect it - there is somebody for everybody!

Now get out there and start thinking of yourself, do the things that Libby's always wanted to do:-

*Join a local Drama Group / Cooking / Art & Craft group

* Learn to swim (If you can't!)

* Join a local ramblers group and climb a mountain!

You never know who you'll meet on the way :-)

Love and light

Boris

Answer 4

interesting you mention what the 'real man' should give, what should he get? looking at that he should be prepared to find a woman and just give that, expecting nothing in return - slave like. I wonder where they went.

should you hear of lines like "women should be out there enjoying there sexuality" in reference to such thing as some character tv/novel/net/radio who is having a diffrent partner every night. .... well .... there isnt much more to say to that is there. oddly while its said that men think being a stud is all great (I only hear that from women complaining about it) you almost never see it in public forum - but you will see that. oddly when you see that refering to men, it is attacked time and again, refering to women are some attacks but mostly words of support. this so far has been what I have seen.

the liberation movement changed a lot, it changed womens expections on the most general level, but with that, as a side effect mens expections on the most general changed. none have stopped being real (naturally there are better and worse behaved in both camps - but that comes down to the choice and tolerance).

why should men stay with the same archaic model when womens has been updated? wether its thought to be equal or not isnt the point. men used to be more intrested in a stable home, while there are quite a lot now, that social change has meant that isnt the dominant view any more. its shifting more and more to only ever a casual thing - or so it seems. more and more kids are brought up in single parent familys, adn with a number of those its not there was violence from him - some times it is - sometimes its from her (not always is violence physical, emotional pain is always the worst cos it doesnt appear to ever heal, no bruise to go pink again). but none the less what expectations do you think people grow with, with that? the more people that happens the more normal that is. the more normal the more its thought of as 'thats just the way it is', and with things like that the reason you cant change them is that its actually based on an idea, which as had quite som time to take effect. even if that idea was never meant ot ahve that effect - many things have side effects.

theres alot I could write here, the are so many aspects that could have had an influence, with arguable points for so many things - but ultimately it all comes down to personal perspective.

but of course - even with that - there are people who choose a diffrent path. individualism is possibly one of the better features of humanity. it means that while the may be a norm - there will always a group of people who conclude to go a diffrent way ... perhaps there is always hope, or if you prefer, quiet despondant depression that the over all masses dont suit you for a very personal relationship (tis amazing what comes out when things are worded diffently) - be happy, after all it is a very personal relationship you want, not one with all the masses - perhaps it means you ahve standards that so far no one can live upto, well these days.

it seems that women tho are generally interested in settling down with another man after having some other mans kids tho (that is an interesting pattern - since it would cost a fortune to raise my own, why should pay a fortune for someone elses?)

well some of this has been some of my deductions, a little has been how society and general perception presses on me. yet Im am but 26. if nothing else you have some things to give something of an idea.

can you, with certainty, prove that pink and yellow penguins dont exist? I think one does. just cos no one has seen one doesnt mean it doesnt exist - besides I think the evidence for for a real man - based solely on your wants - has more going for it than my pink and yellow penguin theory ... lol

Answer 5

Every time I see the man some woman is interested in, it turns out to be a tobacco chewing, pot smoking, beer guzzling, psychopath, with a belt buckle the size of a hub cap. I don't want to hear any whining about about how I have low self esteem or something to those ends. I've been happily married for 19 years and have no wants to go out and find another woman. But many of the women I see are really making bad decisions in the mates they chose.

Answer 6

Dear Libby,I believe that childhood memories have a lot to do in the future happiness of a couple.If a kid grew up in an atmosphere of hate from the two persons he loves the most , their is no doubt, this will stay anchored to his mind.He will repeat what he saw from the two people he loves the most even knowing it's wrong .Long lasting happy couples exists this comes as they were both raised by happy families.

Answer 7

I have one. I know more like him. Society has changed, the economy has changed. In the 50's you could buy a home for $10,000.00. Today the median priced home in my area is $500,000.00. My husband would love it if I didn't have to work and he could provide everything....he can't. He is a department head, has a six figure income, he isn't a deadbeat. He was previously married to a woman who didn't have to work, they had three children, she decided she was bored because he worked so much, she took a lover and became pregnant and told him she wanted to keep the baby. Another story. He has a large child support payment every month. I have to work to help make ends meet...I am grateful for this option. The world has changed. The economy has changed. My knight in shining armour is riding a white horse, the road he rides it down is sucking him dry, I am happy to help.

Answer 8

They got their masculinity challenged by women in general, and now we have to live with the consequences. The men that don't feel like men in their own home or in the world at large, the one's that are pissed because women can't make up their mind, and the majority who have no idea what they want or what women want. I'm with you, I'm old fashioned I've learned to be a good wife take care of the house. I've got no career ambitions, my ambitions center around having a stable family and raising children. But, I'm punished for having this view, by women, by men who think I want a free ride or those that want to prey on the vunerable.

Answer 9

Unfortunately, they are all busy looking for another wife because, the use by date on their currant wife has expired and so, the marriage becomes boring. They work full time surfing the Internet for pornography and other women to date from the dating services. So, that does take their mind off a little from faithful marriages. You have to understand also that, they must keep up with the trend. Such a pity!

Answer 10

Sometimes the romance battle scars can leave us cynical about the opposite sex and relationships. Do you really believe that "real men" or "real women" (however you define that) do not exist anymore? Of course not! Depends on where you look. They are out there, just keep taking the risks that come with all new relationships. Start looking in new places and putting your priorities on other things. Stay hopeful, because not much is a bigger turn-off to me than someone who is cynical, bitter, and who brings a ton of past baggage with them about old relationships. Hope that helps!

Answer 11

I dont think this type of man ever existed, women just never aired their dirty laundry in public. There is too much choice out there nowadays. Girls & Guys have no shame they dont see anything wrong with going with a married man. If you want a man to love you, look after you and provide for you give you stability then I suggest you sleep a lot and have many pleasant dreams, because thats where they exist.