Cheating Father?

Question

So basically my parents marriage has been rocky for awhile now, my father is rarely home and when he is, he is distant. i have always had a semi close relationship with him. My mother found out that he had an affair with some foreign woman a year ago, which is something she was willing to let go of. However, yesterday she found a letter from my dads assistant to him (written in hebrew, as they are both israeli) Niether of us read hebrew, and we found an orthodox woman to read us the letter. She translated it and basically it said they are having an affair, and have been for the past year. I feel so betrayed, his assistant is someone i am friends with! We are close in age (shes 25, im 19) and she has eaten dinner with our family, spent time with me and my mom and brother and has always been someone we like. I am very upset and dont know how to deal with this. my parents are divorcing. Any advice?

obviously i am livid about this, and just want to confront my father, but my mom wont let me, she wants to wait a while to make sure she isnt screwed financially in the long run, but its hard. I cant look at him without hating him. Im worried about my brother and mom. i feel bad leaving them when i go back to college in a month. I just am so confused and upset right now.

Zanthus- So if your father were sleeping with the same person who sat at your dinner table last week, who smokes weed with you and chats with you about life, who you have spent tons of time with, you wouldnt feel betrayed? you wouldnt be upset that he chose someone else over your entire family? someone that you thought you could trust? this woman actually talked to my mom about my moms marital troubles with me dad. dont tell me how i should feel.

Answer 1

be a rock solid support to ur mother, pray together

Answer 2

Basically, you're trying to deal with two different, although possibly related, issues.

First, you feel like your trust has been betrayed by your dad's assistant. You welcomed her into your life and your home, made friends with her and she stabbed you in the back.

Your parents' marriage has been rocky for awhile. You need to understand that it is not because of the affair your dad is having. Rather it is the other way around -- because the marriage is rocky, he is having the affair.

You also need to understand that I am not condoning his actions in any way. What your parents should have done is gone to counseling a long time ago. There has been some major betrayal of trust here, so it may be too late.

But to deal with it, separate this one issue into two separate ones; treat them like they are unrelated, and deal with each one by itself. Don't try to deal with everything all at once. Take your time and deal with it just a little bit at a time and carefully examine your feelings along the way -- not only WHAT you are feeling, but what you are NOT feeling, and WHY you are or aren't feeling it. Knowing the whys will help you deal with things. Best of luck to you, hon....

Answer 3

I understand how you are feeling betrayed etc. However before you jump down your father's throat. Let your mother make sure she is on stable footing.
The bottom line is you feel screwed because your father limbo. Don't screw your mother because of your emotional hurt.
However when your mother can leave him and your done with college. After all you want him to continue picking the tab. Then let it all out. Don't hold a single thing back.

Answer 4

I know your hurting rite now, but your mum is feeling it alot worse than you, she has the monetary issues to worry about the fact that she will soon be a single mother of two, and she will be feeling the hurt and betrayal rejection big time, she had two children with this man she went to sleep next to him for years, she has forgiven him for his past indecencies, all for him to just do it again. i no u feel screwed but just listen to your mother and do rite by her.

Also do not worry about your father assistant she will get what she deserves at some point.

As for your father dont cut him any slack he needs to learn from his mistakes for him to clean up his act there needs to be consequences to his actions.

Dont sacrifice your education by the way your mum wouldnt want that.

Answer 5

you should form a good relationship with your mom, unless she's not a very nice person then maybe go vent to a psycoligist or something. but if she is nice you should think about talking to her about it. i mean, think about how she feels. that would be horrible. you can both talk with each other and let out emotions. you could also join a support group for people who have parents who divorce. its hard for the kids of the parents who have divorced. even if they are asdults and its getting more and more common.
good luck with everything!

Answer 6

Gosh... that is sad...

:(

Well, you shouldn't be sad. I know it hurts at the start, but it shouldn't. Your father did what he has done, and it's his decision. Whatever the consequences of whatever your mom would do to him would be in his conscience.

My goodness! Marriage is a sacred thing, and he shouldn't do that. I guess it's best to divorce a man like that if all he will ever do is cheat.

As for the assistant (is she married?), don't vent out your anger at her. I know that it's also partly her fault (she accepted his 'offer', knowing that he's married and stuff), but you shouldn't blame her. It's still the man (tempted or the one tempting) who has sinned, for he is the married one.

So blah. :P

Hope I helped though... I'm really sorry... :(

Answer 7

I am so sorry, that you have been betrayed in this way. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to this friend of yours and let her know, that she is breaking up your family and asked her how that makes her feel. This girls has no morals at all and her relationship with your dad will not last. Ask your dad to reconsider and to go counseling with your mom, since this mistress of his has no morals and is distroying your family.

Answer 8

As hard as it is keep it quiet for your moms sake. Avoid this women all together, do not speak, or see her period. She is 25 with your father believe me this won't last, when your mother finishes cleaning him out in court for support and whatever extra there will be no money with this fling of his she will give him the boot. Then and only then you can tell this women and your father off. Be patient!

Answer 9

I sympathize with you. I once thought that my dad was cheating on my mom and confronted him about it. I threatened him (I think I was 16 or 17) and told him if he ever hurt her, infected her, or betrayed his wedding vows, he would have to answer to me. My mother never sticks up for herself. They celebrated their 33rd wedding anniversary last week. I still have trust issues with him- but he's my dad, and I am trying to get past everything that happened, because he's not my husband, he's my father. Its still hard to accept and move past. Youre not a bad person if you dont feel like speaking to him for a while. And I'd smack the sh!t out of that little skank who fooled around with your dad and had the balls to show her face in front of your family. be strong. and have faith. if not for yourself right now, for your mom.

Answer 10

your mom needs all the support she can get right now. usually the close ones are the ones you have to watch out for. Keep that letter don't let your mom give it back to your father or destroy it because it is kinda proof about his affair and she may need it

Answer 11

that girl is a skeez. the thing is you need to respect your moms wishes. im not saying forgive your dad, just saying screw what he does, look after your mother and brother and be there for them as much as you can. it is messed up bc that other woman used the info that your mother used to get with your father. she will get what she deserves in the end.