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i am just scared that if we get married , if things will change? we have never lived together, and she only stayed the night with me like 3 times . what if we cant get along ? help

2007-08-12 15:54:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

12 answers

It is to soon to marry someone that is pressing you to marry them. I could see if it had been longer than 6 months, but to get married would not be a good idea right now. If it is true love it will last.

2007-08-12 16:15:34 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 2 0

One thing you can be sure of: things WILL change after you get married - but not necessarily for the worse...things will just be "different" and some things will get better.

Six months is long enough for some, not hardly long enough for others. The most IMPORTANT thing I can tell you, as someone who has been married for almost 24 years is:

You had better be sure. If you have any hesitations, like with having children, DON'T do it yet. No one wants to make such a HUGE decision without being extra-double sure.

I'll be honest: I was too young (23) and it wasn't long enoug (5 months) - as we both look back, we imagine that we might have waited longer, and maybe not even have gotten married at all. But once you make that committment, its really hard to do anything but try to make it work.

No relationships are easy. They're all work, so its not that there is some "perfect" relationship waiting for you "out there" - the most important thing is: ARE YOU WILLING TO BE CLOSE ENOUGH AND BUILD AND MAINTAIN TRUST SO YOU CAN WORK ON THE REAL ISSUES?

Marriage is a personal growth crucible (or PGC). Sh*t happens, that's life. So HOW you deal with the inevitable challenges is one measure of an individual AND a marriage. For the marriage creates a new individual, a "WE" and this individual has its OWN needs.

You got it right when you asked, "What if we can't get along?"

THIS is what you MUST find our BEFORE jumping in. After is too late and a real bummer if the getting along isn't quite there. Do yourselves BOTH a favor and figure that out first!

Best of luck - you're (and everyone for that matter) is going to need it.

Love DOES conquer all - but getting there can be a long, hard road. Better to start off on super-solid ground - and that can take time to discover and make happen.

Go see a counselor and/or therapist to help you guys objectify/identify what are teh key areas you will both have to work on to make the relationship a healthy one.

Peace.

Rod P

2007-08-12 23:15:10 · answer #2 · answered by Rod P 3 · 0 0

I dont really think there should be a certain amount of time you should be together before deciding whether or not you should get married. Some people fall in love and last forever, but on the other hand, the fact that you posted this question kinda makes me think that your not ready. You SHOULDNT get married because you feel pressured. If your girl loves you enough to spend the rest of her life with you then she should understand that you need time. The last thing either of you want is to feel like the marriage was forced. She will be happier in the long run too because she will know you married her because she was "The One" not because she pressured you into it.

2007-08-12 23:40:47 · answer #3 · answered by CHiKADii815 1 · 0 0

DO NOT get married until you are sure you are ready. If she truly loves you and truly values the relationship she will wait for you and not try to force you into a commitment you aren't ready for.

Living together is totally different than marriage, so that really isn't a good indicator. But you've only dated 6 months? To be that's not nearly enough time to know someone well enough to get married.

2007-08-12 23:14:48 · answer #4 · answered by looneybin90 5 · 0 0

You should wait at least a year to get to know each other as best as possible. Maybe move in together first and see if you two get along alright, and then consider marriage.

2007-08-12 23:19:05 · answer #5 · answered by Yulia 3 · 0 0

You have the right to decide when getting married is right for YOU. Obviously it isn't right for you right now. TELL HER that you are NOT ready to get married. Don't let her push you into something you're going to regret in a few months.

2007-08-12 23:43:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Easy enough...if you are not ready to ask her...don't!!! You both need more time before you make a decision that will last the rest of your life. Life is change...sweetheart...everyday things will change...you need to grow together and you need time for this to happen

2007-08-12 23:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by missyj 3 · 0 0

if youre not ready youre just NOT READY, nobody should pressure anyone for marriage, both people should have a clear head when deciding marriage. just tell her not yet. this is what girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are for, to get to know each other before taking the next step

2007-08-12 23:05:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Don't do it yet!! I wouldn't get married for at least 3 yrs w/someone. I feel we all need time to get to know someone inside and out b4 a strict committment like that.

2007-08-12 23:23:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous 2 · 0 0

what's the hurry? if its meant to be, won't you be together 'forever'? If shes pressuring you now, imagine what she will be pressuring you for next. Give it time, and grow with it. She sounds like she needs a reality check anyway-

2007-08-12 23:15:19 · answer #10 · answered by southamptonkitty 2 · 0 0

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