fixation is taking hold of me again
i can't run
i can't hide
it's just too much
with every step i take toward common sense
i feel your presence
enticing me
seducing me
it's too late to turn back now
i struggle
i strive to get out of this hell
how long will i endure this?
now perserverence is no longer
you've caught me in a trance
i'm forever trapped in your world
i will never live again
...i can take constructive criticism...but no bashing please =]
also i'm in 8th grade if that makes a difference.
2007-08-12
14:55:38
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14 answers
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asked by
¾ pErFeCt™
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Entertainment & Music
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haha, no i'm actually a very happy person in general. i was just in a bad mood when i wrote it.
2007-08-12
15:04:46 ·
update #1
nice.....
2007-08-12 15:01:58
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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What grade you're in makes no difference.
It's nice. Their are a few lines that were too long, and taking some words out woulda make it better.
line 5 would have been better without 'common'
It should have just been "I strive to get out"
"of this hell" was unnecissary and cut off the flow.
Other than that it was a great poem.
2007-08-12 15:04:56
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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this could certainly make me unpopular regardless of the undeniable fact that it is real. I constantly desire the fact, yet i desire it to make experience. many of the individuals I even have met here supply what i anticipate is actual-meaning suggestion, yet their ideas could harm the poem in innumerable methods. If I have been much less experienced and much less knowledgeable, i does no longer discover this worrying, yet I ceased being green years in the past. If somebody would not like the poem's theory or language, i could prefer to pay attention why. If somebody thinks the syntax is strained, tell me why. yet you will extra effective understand what it is you're conversing approximately, through fact I could be waiting to earnings some thing from you in case you grant suggestion. regrettably, that not often happens until eventually I even have the stable fortune to seize Hypocorism in an off 2d and he stops to earnings and respond. in case you like what I write and desire to compliment me, it somewhat is okay. in case you easily grant a guideline it somewhat is actual-counseled, much extra effective. in case you grant me rubbish that demonstrates no longer something yet how little care you're taking with words and advise I do an analogous, then disgrace on you. Tact is somewhat important, are not getting me incorrect. yet at last, i could prefer to work out some nicely-counseled diagnosis of poems and considerate ideas. i've got given extra advantageous than my share, and now i'm going to attend to work out how many others can, or will, stick to. How's that for fact?!
2016-10-02 05:05:32
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answer #3
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answered by ? 4
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I like it. It sounds like a Linkin Park song kinda.
2007-08-12 15:02:37
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answer #4
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answered by Death.Note.fan 5
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that your in 8th grade that does make a difference ~ Where you get these guys from lol
2007-08-12 15:02:46
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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thats pretty good for an 8th grader, I kinda like it.
2007-08-12 15:02:55
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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it is awsum really...just keep up
A Star 4 U
2007-08-12 15:03:19
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answer #7
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answered by нƐ∂ıɣƐн 7
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it pretty nice.i liked the ending the most
2007-08-12 15:03:27
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answer #8
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answered by MARKOS KRUGER 5
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Thats really good.
2007-08-12 15:03:19
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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My lady needs a bit more kick & less drama. :-)
2007-08-12 15:05:22
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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You need to get out more.....But, not bad !!!
2007-08-12 15:05:52
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answer #11
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answered by Spanky the monkey !!! 6
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