He had a 10 years affairs and just ended it recently. The mistress personally contacted the wife to tell her about their relationship, what would you do ? Can you forgive this kind of man ?
2007-08-12 14:36:31 · 27 answers · asked by Jy99 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forgive, yes. Divorce? Definitely. Trust again? Never!
2007-08-12 14:41:25 · answer #1 · answered by wc2ketey 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If the woman can forgive and forget then it is possible. The wife has to be able to trust again and that is sometimes hard to do. The wife should have told the mistress that she can have him and then throw him to the curb. The wife should have already gotten rid of the man. I really don't think that I could ever forgive someone especially when the affair lasted 10 years. He will most likely end up in another affair so get a divorce before it starts again.
2007-08-12 21:48:36 · answer #2 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I would determine whether the woman informing me of the affair was telling me the truth. I assume we're assuming the affair occurred here, though.
As forgiveness is simply an end to feeling anger, I would eventually forgive him. All emotions can fade into oblivion over time if they aren't actively fed and nurtured.
I would reach that point far away from him, though, and the length of the affair wouldn't affect my decision to leave. What would affect my decision to leave would be the following facts:
1. He could have given me an STD that could have been fatal. Yes, even if he used condoms, methods fail. Either my life meant less to him than this woman's company and sexual involvement, or he was unacceptably stupid and obviously below my standards for thinking he'd found the magic raincoat. My only way to protect myself from an STD from him would be to not have sex with him ever again.
2. He was dishonest, and he fooled me. I would know forever that he could successfully fool me again, and he had the capacity to. Life is finite, and I'd rather not sign up for the permanent misery of distrust and deceit.
3. He gave me that conversation with the mistress. I can vividly imagine how horrible that moment could be, and any person who put a moment like that into my life without any good reason clearly isn't my friend, let alone worthy of my love.
2007-08-12 22:00:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its hard to be married these days when divorce is so easy. Especially a long time.
This is obviously a decade plus marriage so he is comfortable, his wife hasnt left either so there is obviously a level of comfort for her as well.
Often times affairs keep the cheating spouse in a marriage becuase it meets something their spouse isnt doing for them. Self centered? yes, but also true.
You got to take this down to ground zero and be real honest about what each wants and needs. A good mediator like marriage counselor can help with creating communication.
And communication is an issue here in this marriage becuase he had an affair for 10 years and she didnt know it and he had an affair for 10 years instead of leaving her, he should have communcated his needs to her instead of stepping out on her and reason 3 the jig is up and the affair exposed but neither has left each other? There is something still between them, if he didnt love her he would have simply left 10 years ago and if she didnt love him she would have packed up right after that broad called the house.
2007-08-12 21:50:50 · answer #4 · answered by Wanda S 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No I would not because everything I had with him for all of those years would have been a lie! The mistress kept it quiet when everything was going good for her then she calls the wife out of vindictiveness! The whole situation would have just made me sick and as far as I would be concerned at this point my husband could just go back and keep her. This man was leading a double life and I would feel that I didn't even know him. This would be totally unreal for me if he let me believe for all those years that he was only committed to me. If the affair had just started and he was truly sorry I might have given us one more chance I don't know? This went on far to long to make anything good out of the marriage now so it would be totally over for me.
2007-08-12 23:34:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just curious-- something to think about: Why leave now that it's over??? You stayed while the affair was happening.
You have 3 choices:
- leave
- stay and be miserable
- stay and move on and try your best to put this AWFUL thing behind you.
If you married a jerk, leaving is probably the best -- someone who has an affair for 10 years, probably is a jerk.
2007-08-12 22:50:01 · answer #6 · answered by mj 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A 10 year affair is a lot of lies. I know I would leave and I might not ever forgive that kind of deception.
2007-08-12 21:44:45 · answer #7 · answered by theoriginalquestmaker 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweet Pea 10 years is a long time to have an affair. I don't think that I would be able to trust him again at all. I think she has to find deep in her heart to forgive him and if she chooses to stay than counseling would be a suggestion. Good luck!
2007-08-12 21:43:15 · answer #8 · answered by b n real 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would leave and probably be unable to forgive for a very, very long time - if ever. Very hard to realize that 10 years of your life with someone was a facade.
2007-08-13 03:19:27 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Care♥ mommy 2 my boys 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive him? Sure.
I'd also divorce him quick. And get tested for all the STDs he could have given me.
He gave *ten years* of his life to another woman -- ten years that should have been spent with you, making you happy. For the love of yourself, move on and find a backbone. I know it's not easy, and you have my deepest sympathy.
2007-08-13 03:38:45 · answer #10 · answered by ddd 874 587 545 543 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋