My husband lied about porn before we were married. He was looking at his friend's WIFE. Am I overreacting?

Question

He told me about it last night - starting out with "There's something I have to tell you before we go to (his home state)..."

He then went on to tell me that the porn site he visited for 16 days straight after we got engaged a few years back - the one that I almost left him over because he seemed so obsessed with it - belongs to his friend's wife.

He told me this because they are having a football draft party at these people's house - where I'm not invited & my husband will be drinking with his buddies (who apparently have all seen this woman in her glory).

I feel so lied to and very disturbed that this sort of thing not only didn't disgust him - but caught and kept his attention obsessively until I stumbled across it.

Am I out of my mind? How would any of the other married women feel about this?

Answer 1

While most women need to get over the porn thing, it's only ok because it is a fantasy. It's only safe because you never meet and/or interact with the pornstar.

I would never even consider looking at my buddies wife's porn site? That's just too f'ing wierd. Tell him how you feel, let him know if you are understanding with regular porn (if you are), but I don't know anyone who would think that is OK.

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

I would feel very betrayed that my husband lied, he just broke your trust. And I would let him know how I felt. If your husband cares about you at all, he will not attend this party. And I would not go even if you were invited also. If it was in the past, why didn't he tell you before now? Maybe you don't know the man you married as well as you thought you did.

Answer 4

I would be a little uncomfortable hanging out with them and I would feel some type of way but I wouldn't make a big deal of it. It was years ago just make sure you tell him you don't appreciate being lied to. Stress the importance of trust and move on.

Answer 5

Im sure if the tables were turned in the situation he would react alot differently than you. You deserve respect in the relationship to have him stay away. He lied about a situation that is very intolerable and he (at the very least) should compromise at the sake of your relationship.

Answer 6

Men look at porn.

It's a fact of life.

We don't have to like it, but we need to recognize it as a part of who they are. Porn has been around since man first picked up a rock and scratched pictures of naked women on the cave wall.

Now, having said that - I would NOT like my husband visiting the home of a woman who he has watched on a porn site. In fact, I would insist that he respect my wishes that he stay away from there. The temptation to stray or do or witness something close to infidelity would be too strong.

Put your foot down, girl.

Answer 7

and he needs to attend that football party why? HE DOESN'T.

Time to not have these people in your life.
But if the two of you can't agree on friends either, then maybe you're just simply not compatible.

Answer 8

I would be very very angry that a- Im not invited ( why? is she going to be in her nude glory then also?)
B- clearly it doesn't bother him that your not invited
C- sounds like he wants to go
D- He lied to me
If I were you my husband would not be going unless I go...and I wouldn't be going cause I wasn't wanted there in the first place, thank god!
Good lucky girl. You have every right to be mad.

Answer 9

Honey, MOST men enjoy porn...just a fact of life. As far as it being someone you know, yes, that does make it disturbing but realize this: he is with YOU not her, and it gives him a kick to see a woman he knows "in her glory."
If you let this get to you, eventually it will destroy your marriage; how you react now will decide your future as far as your marriage goes.

Answer 10

I would be upset. Is this woman going to be at this party? If she is then you should be invited to or he should have enough respect for you not to go.