For every occasion , whether it be my baby shower , our sons b-day partys family gatherings my husband always has to be so drunk to where he passes out before everyone leaves and has no idea of anything , like what birthday gifts did our son get when did they leave he is also loud and putting his arms round everyone including other women , it humiliates me and makes our family look bad! The next day I tell him what a fool he is and he apologizes and says he won't do it again , and continues to shame me. just today we had a 2:30 movie to go to and he took his brother inlaw to help him drop off a table and he went and got high with him and came home at 2:40 knowing we had plans . do I keep fighting for the respect our family deserves or do I get the papers ready and stop the cycle of a drug dependent who can't socalize without a stimulant?
2007-08-12 11:54:27 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're important in this situation, but your child is more important. S/he is learning how to behave and your husband is setting a terrible example. Most of the answers you've been given are right. You can't change him, he has to do it himself. Good luck, you're going to need it.
2007-08-12 12:02:06 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has to get drunk because he is an alcoholic and also a dependent of another drug if he gets high like you said. It's what they do at any and all occasions, get togethers and parties and even just home alone. You can not do anything to change him. He has to do the changing and that will only happen if and when he is ready and wanting to. That is the very honest truth. You will be drug through hell as long as he drinks. I am not just guessing here, I am talking from experience. You have to be willing to go through a bunch of crap if you want to stay with this sick person. He may change and then again he may remain the way he is until it kills him. You can fight for all the respect you deserve but until he fully stops drinking you will not get any respect. He will make you a hundred and more promises to stop but he won't unless he hits bottom and wants to stop sincerely. This is the honest truth. I wouldn't live through this or put up with one more day of it had it be me.
2007-08-12 13:36:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you already have a plan.
Your husband has addictions issues, plus he probably likes to be high. You will never get his respect for family to show while his habits rule his life.
Before you flash papers at him, invite him to go to counselling with you. If he doesn't, you go. Leaving a marriage, no matter how bad it is, is difficult. And your son will hurt too. After you have done all you can do with yourself, you will be better prepared to follow through with whatever you decide to do. Your husband has to realize his issues are his responsibility, and he has to want to get well. Some people can do it, and some can't.
2007-08-12 12:07:58 · answer #3 · answered by bin there dun that 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He gets drunk in front of a toddler because he only cares about himself.
He's an alcoholic.
He needs help. But will only get it if he truly wants it.
If it were me in that situation, I'd take my child and leave. Better to have no father figure, than one like that. You don't want your son to repeat the cycle.
His behavior doesn't make your family look bad, it makes HIM look bad.
Your staying in the relationship would be what would seem sad.
2007-08-12 12:14:21 · answer #4 · answered by Sumie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an alcoholic, he does not see it as a problem and until he sees it as such he will continue. There is NOTHING that you can do that will make him stop, HE has to WANT to stop. I suggest you look into AlAnon and find out what it is you can do about your situation before you make any final decisions. Sometimes it comes down to the non-drinking spouse having to leave because that is no way to raise a family.
2007-08-12 17:44:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't have to get drunk. He does it because he chooses to, and no one is intervening. Have a lawyer draw up formal separation papers and tell him they will be filed if he does not get help for his addictions by a certain date. He has to prove himself. He has been in this downward spiral for so long, he probably is helpless to stop it without professional help. You will be doing him a favor by giving this ultimatum. Hopefully it will be the wakeup call he needs. Good luck, and be strong.
2007-08-12 12:00:47 · answer #6 · answered by wondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. Been there, done that! In my case he never changed & i got to a point where "Enoughs Enough!!!" I left him but i wish i'd damn well done it sooner cos the longer you stay the more they drag you down emotionally! My advice might sound harsh but "Get Out"~~~the old saying goes "A Leopard Never Changes It's Spots!!!"
Good Luck!
2007-08-12 12:15:42 · answer #7 · answered by Mez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like time for an intervention. He clearly has a problem. Only he can decide to get himself clean, and you don't have to keep supporting his dependency. Get together with your family and close friends and everybody has to come up with consequences if he doesn't go to rehab, and then every one has to STICK TO THEM!
2007-08-12 11:59:28 · answer #8 · answered by CNJRTOM 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's obviously an alcoholic. You will either need to deal with it or leave him. Those are the only two choices I see...
2007-08-12 11:59:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keep your child safe and happy. If walking out on him won't change him, you may as well find out now. And pray for him.
2007-08-12 11:59:54 · answer #10 · answered by Jann 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋