Think my husband wants to go back with his ex?

Question

We have been married for a year and 8 months. I think that we got married too soon. I have noticed he has been very distant for a while now (the past year). I have tried to talk to him but he avoids talking at all cost.We each have children from previous relationships. I speak to his ex (for their son). He has told her that he married me to fix his papers and has attempted to go back with her. She stated that she does not want him and will cut all comunication if he insist on speaking to her about things other than their child. I dont know what to do. I see that he does not pay attention to our girls (1 mine and 1 his). I have attemped to catch his attention even sent the girls with my family for the summer to see if we can rekindel what we had. Nothing seams to work and gotten worse since they left. We have not had a sex live in the past year unless I am pressuring him to do so (I have gotten to the point that I think I will cheat on him). I am temped to give up. Maybe a seperation

He has not admitted to using me for papers or wanting her back. I attempt to speak to her regarding their son only. (School supllies, clothes and misc. items he needs) I did check the cell calls for the dates she told me and she knew additional details that only he could tell her. (Dates I left on bussiness and days I took off to take the girls out) Calls were during those times. There are becoming more and more days he does not come home. I know that there is more to the story as to why he is distant but I get no info from him. I have given him space - even moved to the guest room.

Answer 1

Forget the seperation, go for a divorce.

Answer 2

I am so sorry to hear that. It must be hard. Maybe you should be away for a while. I know that it is hard to be away when you love someone. Or maybe you should find something that you love to do so that you do not have to focus on getting attention from him all the time. That is what I did. I read or work on my quilts or watch a movie. I have something that I like to do and so soe he. We stay in the same room so we can be together, but we do not have to do the same thing, you know. Or maybe if you start doing something, and become into it and he might realize how importnant you are because it would seem like you are not trying to get him to talk all the time and instead you are away doing something else. He might think that you do not have feelings for him or something. Then he might want you more. Or He might need some space to think through about his privious marriage or something. However, you have been trying so hard so it seems like he has no room???? maybe, you know. I am not trying to blame you because I understand how you feel. I have been married to my husband for 6 years and he plays video games for a long time( off days, 8 hours to 10 hours a day. we have kids so it is hard to for me to take care of them byself and he is just playing.). If I do not force him, he will not talk to me because he is busy playing. But I realize that he does try to communicate with me in a different way. He does not look at me and talk about serious things, but joke with me and try to do things for me. So maybe you are expecting him to do what you want him to do, and you feel that he fails to do so. Maybe he tries to talk to in a different way than you would????

Maybe I am not that much help, but I am sorry that you have to go through this.

Answer 3

Oh no! Something is really going on with him! It is good that you and the ex have talked and you know her feelings on this. I understand how you feel but before you do anything your husband needs to talk and respect your feelings. I could not handle all this either and would be so hurt and confused about what went wrong with us? Intimacy is so important when you know they are able and you are rejected and that hurts.I know that people say this all the time on here but I have to say it to you.........get him into marriage counseling as soon as possible. He is definitely in depression and pulling you right down with him. He needs help because this will affect your girls and you can't have that. Someone needs to talk with him and get to the bottom of his issues before you give up on him. If he doesn't do right by you then he gives you every reason for you to move on in your life. you take care of yourself and I wish the best for you.

Answer 4

First of all, do not listen to his ex's BS. She is the troublemaker. Secondly, no sex life in a year is not healthy for you, physically and emotionally. No family life is even worse, for you and for your children as well. This is an emergency situation and something drastic has to be done. I do NOT believe the cause of all of this is that he wants to get back with his ex-wife. I do NOT believe that at all ! He left his ex-wife for THE SAME reason he is thinking of leaving you. And this reason is : he does not know what makes him happy and how to be happy in this life. His ex knows this very well. And it is utterly mean of her to beat you down knowing you are going through the same torture she went through in her time. She is not a woman enough for doing that to you !

I believe filing for separation is your best option right now. Discuss it with your husband prior to filing and see what he say about this. In any case, stay firm and don't settle for anything less that will make you happy.

Answer 5

Does he have physical custody of his daughter or sole/joint custody? If your step daughter resides at the home than that will be tough on her especially. If you have grown to care for her as well, which I imagine you have, then you are looking at more than just separating. I would seek some professional advice on this one as well. Never give up. There is hope for you two yet. I know that most people don't want to hear this, but church is a wonderful avenue at getting you both looking in the same direction.

Answer 6

You say .... "He has told her that he married me to fix his papers and has attempted to go back with her." You say ..... "We have not had a sex live in the past year unless I am pressuring him to do so ."

You answered your own question. He USED you to make his legal papers correct. It is kind of hard to see and accept one has been used and has to move on, but in your case, he admitted he was using you and you allowed it. It's only my opinion but I think you made a terrible mistake and you will never make the same mistake again, nor will you use anyone else. I hope it was not you that took him away from his former wife.

Never cheat and never encourage others to cheat. I hope everything turns out for the best for you.

Answer 7

maybe you are right about the getting married to quick thing, maybe you should have waited few more months or so. but for since you guys are already married you should probably sit down together and try and work it out. even if you have to tie him to a chair.if that doesnt a least boost it up. try go to a marriage counselor. and for the s** part, tease him, wear some more sexier clothing, get him hype up..... let him want to have s**. no guy can resist. if all that doesnt work, i think you to need some time on your own so see if you can think aboout what is going on. this man is supposed to be the father your child needs to look up too. if he continues to make you feel unhappy what good is he around.

Answer 8

Dang that sucks. Maybe your better off with out him. Plus you need a man that is going to be there for you and your child. You don't need that drama in your life. Every girl deserves to be HAPPY.

Answer 9

do what you have to for your sake of your sanity. If he doesn't want to be married to you anymore, either agree to a divorce or find someone on the side and take care of your needs since he isn't. E mail me if you want to talk more. Good luck!

Answer 10

Sounds like your husband's ex is one smart woman. She had a stint with him and knows she doesn't want to get back with him.
Your husband sounds like the type of guy who is impossible to make happy. How dare he disrespect you and your daughter. Realize that your child is learning what a daddy and husband is supposed to be like. Do you want her growing up looking for a man like this weeney?
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you sound like you deserve better and I KNOW you daughter deserves better.