My husband cheated after 14 years of marriage. What do I do?

Question

My husband told me that he had an affair a couple of months ago and now the other girl is pregnant. We have been married for 14 years and have been trying for the last six month to have a second child. What do I do? Do I forget about the last 14 years and leave or do I stay and work it out for our little boys sake?

Answer 1

Yow ... if you can think back to how you felt about him before you found out he cheated, were you happy?

If things were already bad and that was the straw that broke the camel back, then yeah, its probably time to hang it up - the kid will be happier if his parents are happier.

If the affair was an unfortunately abberation and you were otherwise happy, then its worth trying to figure out how to put things back together ... but that kid is always going to be out there. Can you live with that?

Before you jump the gun and say "Of course we were happy before he cheated", think back. Were things pressured because you were trying to have another kid. Was the communication good?

Answer 2

First off, I am so very sorry that this has happened to you!!

You need to realize that this was not your fault. It was nothing you did or didn't do that made him stray from your marriage vows. He did this on his own free will.

You need to step back and ask yourself a few questions:

Is it worth staying with him for your boys sake?

Is this other child going to be involved w/your family?

Is your hubby going to be involved in this child's life?

Can you cope w/him being tied to this other woman for the rest of your lives due to the baby?

Are you still "in love" with him?

Can you forgive him?

Can you trust him?


After answering these questions, you should have your answer. There are some women who forgive, forget and remain in their marriage after something like this, however, there are others that move on and create a new and better life after their marriage. There is no right or wrong answer here! But...it's an answer that you must find for yourself.

Don't make any hasty decisions. Think it through and determine what is best for you and your child. What kind of life do you want your child to have?

I really wish you the best and hope everything works out for you!!

Answer 3

I have learned over the past few months that people arent flawless and you cant expect them to be. Lets be real, you have 14 years of marriage under your belt and to give it all up what does that really say about things. The same could also be said for him also...

If he made a mistake and this is something that you know was not intended, meaning a one night stand or he's going through something... I suggest you try and save your marriage. Saving the marriage has to be a mutual task and he has to genuinely be sorry for his actions. If you do decide to forgive him you have to truely be able to do so and not hold it over his head because things will never move foreward.

I suggest counseling. One of the things that saddenings me about our modern day society is that we are so easily willing to give up. 50 years ago that wasnt the case. If you love your husband I suggest that you try to work it out. This isnt just some guy that you are dating, you have spent the last 14 years of your life devoted to this man. Now if this is a reoccuring phenomena then you are left with no options but to walk away.. at least you know you tried.

Answer 4

Things didn't get 'out of control', that man raped you. I don't care that you were in a car, a house, even in bed. No means no. Being raped does not make you a whore it makes that man a criminal. Your charming husband DID cheat on you. He was involved with sexual chatter, he had photos of himself online and he made a date to meet up with a girl. Why are you even feeling sorry for him? You found a man who clearly knew you were vulnerable and he raped you. I don't care how misguided you feel you were about making the decision. He RAPED you. That is NOT your fault. If you've not had the child yet then you can always go for adoption (you don't say if you've had the child and actually if you were still sexually involved with your husband it STILL could be his so a DNA test would be a good idea). I would also discuss with a counselor/rape crisis center if it's too late to press charges against the other man and if nothing else to talk about what happened to you. Your husband is not worth your time, by the way.

Answer 5

I'm sorry you're going through this dear,it's painful I know.
What I think you should do is first of all see if he's willing to let go of that other woman.If yes then yes I would say try to work it out with him for the sake of the kids .I don't think you should just give him up for that un worthy woman on a plate of gold.
You have kids and a long life together.You should try hard to win him back but make sure that he doesn't keep doing it.
My dear you have more right to him than another one who just jump in bed with a married man.
Try and may God help you.Good luck

Answer 6

This man not only cheated on you, but he is having a baby with someone else, and he didn't even care to use protection. I think for the safety of you , and your little boy you get away from this guy fast. He doesn't care about you because he doesn't even care if he brings you and your son home a disease. Why would you even think of working things out with him. Now he will have to go see this women just as much as he sees you. I think things are over, and you shouldn't hold on to him anymore.

Answer 7

You dont do anything for the sake of the child alone. If you cant forgive and trust again you will only be teaching the child that it is okay to live a life that is not worthy of you. You deserve love and devotion in a family life. If you cant have that then dont accept less than that for yourself or your child.

Answer 8

For the boys sake? How can it benefit a child to be in a home where I assume if you do stay, you will be fighting alot about this? Once a cheat, always a cheat. Maybe if you leave him, you can find a man who isn't such a selfish *******. And now, there's a pregnancy involved. Do you really need all that baggage? Take care of your son. There are men out there who don't cheat. If you get rid of the loser, maybe you can find one.

Answer 9

Unbelievable men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! your marriage is down the drain, thanks to him.....I don't believe this &*^&% did this. Any men out there, see? see what you guys do? NOT all, but....a lot........
Anyway my friend, I am very sorry that this is happenning to you, I would divorce this guy, because your life will never be the same, never, I don't care how sorry he is, what is done is done, period. Divorce this guy and get everything from him, leave him in underwear, that what he deserves, is not like your marriage was in trouble, in where there was no more love or something..... But in this case, YOU were even trying to get pregnant , while this ***&**&^% is having fun! and I bet you the whore knows he is married..... because your husband is not 20yrs old..right????? think about it!
what old man is single???? give me a break!
About your son, he will continue seeing his Dad, that the arrangement between him and Court. You are to receive child support and spousal support if possible for life!!!! get a good Attorney and take the last nickel he has in his pocket.
Friend, he asked for this....give him what he deserves. Be strong, get yoursefl involved in self respect and be proud of your dignity.
The family if they don't help or support you, send them back home, remember who doesn't help, in on your way.
Family has no saying on this but to respect your decisions and you don't need or ask for authorization from anybody, clear?

Answer 10

You have a lot to think about.

1. do you still love him, do you think you can trust him.
Is he sorry for what he has done. What is he saying?

Then you have to ask your heart and feelings can you heal and do you want to stay with him? Is staying with him going to teach your boys that being unfaithful is okay. What about the new baby I am sure it will play a part in your husbands life(if he is any kind of man at all)

Lots to think about.......
After thinking and making your list....then act.

best wishes