I'm ready to give up.....should I? Does he even love me?

Question

My husband is so stubborn, when he doesn't want to talk about something we don't. when he doesn't want to do something he doesn't. Like today, my younger brothers needed a ride to a family gathering we were going to, my husband says no, because my brother called him an a**hole a year ago during an argument. So now I'm in a spot where I have to hurt my brother and my husband had no problem putting me there. When we argued about this later he told me he married me not my brothers and he didn't have to help them or do anything for them that he didn't want to. He can't put aside his feelings for me to do this for me. His cousin's little girl is celebrating her 1st birthday and we were invited to go tonight. His family is all stuck so I never have a good time around them. We only see them when there's a birthday, weddings..etc. When I told him I married him & not his family so I didn't have to go to this party he was so mad! He went alone & now I'm wondering should I pack my bags?

Answer 1

You had an argument, he is stubborn and you gave him a dose of his own medicine and he went alone. That is not what makes a divorce or worth packing your bags. You guys really need to sit down and talk about how to resolve your issues. Do you love him? If so, try to make it work. I highly recommend that you guys consider counseling because it will teach you how to resolve the issues. You would be surprised at what you can learn in these sessions. If you continue to have conflict and he is not willing to work with you on resolution and refuses counseling, then you are in a position to make a choice. You have to want to make this work and work through the issues. Get counseling and ask him to go with you. Tell him you love him and you feel that for things to work, you guys need to work on counseling together. Most insurance policies will pay for 20 sessions a year.

Also keep in mind that we are all wired differently and process situations and issues in different ways. That is why there is conflict. You cannot understand his behavior and he doesn't understand yours. If the only reason you did what you did today was to get back at him, you only made matters worse. He had a family obligation and wanted you to go with him, and you didn't. He was left with no choice but to go and he will have to figure out some explanation as to why you are not with him today.

Please seek counseling if you want this marriage to work.

Answer 2

No don't pack your bags. Every marriage has issues and all of us had times when we've been self centered. I agree he is being immature but your brother did insult him and you were immature too by throwing his words back in his face. Any good counselor would tell you that that was counter productive. Seriously do two wrongs make a right? I know other people who would've reacted the same way as your husband did, it's a pride thing. Immature yes but not uncommon. Your marriage can be saved. Some how you both need to learn how to communicate better whether it's through counseling, classes books etc.

Answer 3

No, don't pack your bags. You two need to learn how to communicate without him clamming up. I suggest counseling and if that's too expensive, call a referral service who can direct you to a counselor who works with people on a "sliding pay scale".
Your brother owes your husband an apology (unless your husband REALLY is an ******). It sounds like there's a lot of score keeping between the two of you and in successful relationships, there's more compromise than fighting. Good luck.

Answer 4

Not just yet. Find out the reason why he behaves like that. Maybe he even has a personality disorder etc. Consider leaving only if he does not think there is something wrong between you too and does not want to seek help. All the best, take a good care of yourself!

Answer 5

I would say, pack up and write a note saying something like "look I love you with all my heart but I am not happy with how things are and i wanted to be away for a couple of days, ill be back but not for long if you won't help me change things...' then goto families for 2 or so days see how he feels when you come back Then try counciling but he may not like it :/

Answer 6

you and your husband need to sit down and talk. and if that doesn't work seek counciling. Never give up until you have tried every option. There is some really god marriage counciling online you just need to look. Then it seems more private. About a year ago my husband and I went on a couples counciling weekend and it helped us alot. Maybe you should try one.
Good luck.

Answer 7

He sounds like an a**hole. If you try to leave him he might do something worse. Whatever you decide just be careful. I have a friend that treats his wife like this, and it really sucks. I feel bad for her, but he is my friend and it is hard to tell him when he is wrong and treating her like sh*t. He is stuck in his ways and there is nothing that will change him...sorry

Answer 8

Maybe you should suggest counseling and see if you can work your problems out. If you still love him and he still loves you, hopefully you can get through this. Tell him a how important it is to talk to about this, and tell him how you feel, whether you want to work thinsg our or you want to leave. Before you give up and leave, talk to him, and try to work things out, as long as there is still something worth working it out with you husband.

Answer 9

I don't understand why anyone would want to be around a stubborn,inconsiderate person like your husband.If you have children you have a responsibility to them to try to make it work.However is it is just you and your husband pack your bags before it is too late.
(Why don't you give us more information.How long have you been married and do you have children?)

Answer 10

if you were my wife I would help you pack the bags. He's totally in the right, not you. Sorry to burst your bubble, but remember in the end you'll end up with him. I think he would be better off without you.