How do you deal with people that don't know you, but go on and on making a lot of assumptions about you :) ?

Question

Usually wrong...

Thank you for your answer! :)

Have a wonderful week ahead! :)

LOL Yahoo! wanted me to post this question under "Cars and Transportation" :)

Polly - The same, many here assume I'm younger than I am.

And some write/talk to me in a very concecendent, patronizing manner. They must think I don't notice...

Thank you so much for your concern, but I'm well. :) This is question is based on my experience here (a year and a half), and in a conversation with a new friend about one of his questions and the answers to it. :)

Answer 1

Interesting bit of irony. A friendship is like a journey, but it's more like a long walk than a road trip. People make assumptions as a short cut to familiarity. This is a good thing in a way, because fear of the unknown is a real relationship killer, but being the victim of a guessing game isn't so pleasant either.

There are a lot of variables here that need to be addressed. Is the person worth knowing? Is there something between you that makes the relationship of value to you? Does that person need to know you in order to accomplish some sort of spiritual or social growth? (Sometimes friendship starts out on unequal ground. You have to give that friend a hand up before they realize the potential you may see in them)

If any or all of these end with a Yes, then the friend is worth your time. If not, you casually distance yourself from that person and you eventually drift apart. But if that friendship is worth keeping, then you have to temporarily assume the role of teacher. You don't have to hit them over the head with knowledge and it shouldn't be done all at once, but you get to help this person on their path to being a better:

Listener

Discerner

Judge of character

Freind

What you get out of it is the knowledge that you helped another human being to become an independent thinker. (if that person is pre-judging you, they are doing it because it is s learned behavior, probably to get the upper hand in a relationship and assume dominance) You also get a better friend. Only you can decide whether the process is worth it!

Answer 2

It depends on where the "assumptions" occur.

If it happens here -virtually- on Y!A, a simple reminder of where I am takes care of that. (Your direct access to the internet global brain, as advertised)

[ Being a registered Y!A user for a year and a half, you've surely experienced how 'some' users will cloak themselves behind the faceless transparency of an internet connection and become literally untouchable by not having to be accountable for their words. ]

If it occurs in a real life situation, I 'might' extend some time 'getting a grip' on the source of the assumptions and then decide whether or not it's worth any additional effort to try to rectify a possible misunderstanding.

Either way, people who assume things about anything they have no knowledge about and verbalize it are basically exposing their own weakness. They just don't know it.

(:

P.S..I'll now get into my car and transport away!

Answer 3

Hi Moon,
It has happened a lot to me in life because I look younger and sound younger than I am. Therefore people make assumptions that I'm not as experienced as I am or they got condescending or superior with me thinking they were older when often they were ten years younger. It doesn’t happen so much now because most people around here know me and respect me for who I am and what I do. In fact a lot of people seem to know me when I haven’t a clue who I’m talking to so my ‘reputation’ seems to have gone before me if you know what I mean. Anyway how did I cope. I ignored it, quite simply. I knew who I was and if other people wanted to make assumptions, that was up to them. First impressions aren’t always reliable as many people will get to find out. If they don’t take the trouble to do this then Moon, they aren’t worth the bother, either. So don’t worry about it,
Polly

Answer 4

Good morning/day/evening Moon :)
I just got a great laugh when I saw your details! Maybe their mysterious system picked up on "deal," you know, like car DEALER? (Just being silly.)
I can't imagine you'll get a better answer than that of cconsaul. I agree 100% But I've got a switch. I have a friend I've KNOWN for over TEN years, & from time to time, he still makes assumptions that I'm the same person I was then, still doing things I haven't done for a decade. I kept correcting him, & finally gave up. I think he's living in the past, as he hasn't got much of a life now. Way back then, we had so much fun when I went to S.F. & together we pulled my prints on a litho stone in a loft above the gallery. Truth is, he's such a good friend he's worth keeping & it doesn't bother me anymore. But if someone who did NOT know me continuely made assumptions about me--I probably wouldn't give them a chance to know me at all. (cconsaul is nicer than I am, but in all my life, I've found that people like that have other little idiocsyncrasies & never made a go of it.) Keep smiling & focus on the good friends that you have!

Answer 5

Let'em talk or think what they want, you know how you are and as long as you're comfortable with yourself that's all that matters. Everybody....everybody makes assumptions about other people..it's part of human nature. If you're out of the norm of society someone will make an assumption about you. The ideals you hold to have value someone else might not think so and think that will cause them to make an assumption. I'll give you a for instance...myself I'm a big guy I'm 5' 11 tall and weigh 285 lbs. I look like a football (American) player and I don't smile alot.....oh, for so many years I have gotten from so many people that when they first met me they thought I was mad or angry and they didn't know whether to approach me or not. And later at some point they'll tell me that fact and how glad they were that they decided to talk to me for I wasn't anything like what they thought I'd be. That I'm one of the nicest people they've met. You see just one little thing like a smile has caused people to make an assumption and a wrong one at that about me..and it's nothing more than I usually have something on my mind usually work and I'm usually focused on that and don't smile alot. It's a work in progress and I try to smile more, but it still happens....eh, o'well. And I've seen people make assumptions about ambiguity.....people usually prefer something or someone who is direct and clear and open, otherwise it makes them unsure, uncomfortable, distrusting of someone or something which draws assumptions...that's why I try to be as open and honest as I can...what you see is what you get G=ME....G is the first letter of my name =ME is just that so G=ME nothing more nothing less. But even doing that just being me will cause people to make assumptions so there's not any use in worrying about assumptions people are going and do make it's gonna happen regardless! If someone isn't comfortable w/me then that's just how it'll have to be for I'm true to myself and that's what matters most and if they don't like it then they are free to leave or stay away..that's on them not me!

Answer 6

I basically agree with Lindsey H & shahbarak. Yet, from the bit I know about you, you have such a kind heart, you'd probably be tolerant way past the time most of us would have given up. True?? Still--while I don't believe anyone can (or should) change their basic nature, I'd like to suggest one ingredient. Let their assumptions roll over you like water off a duck's back. It must disquiet you to some degree or you wouldn't have posted the question. There are enough things in life over which we have no control, be as good to yourself as you can be. :)

Answer 7

Don't let them affect you. Let their words roll right off your shoulders. YOU know who you are, and that is all that matters. Continue to be yourself, and to let your true self be revealed through your words and actions. Sometimes it is hard to get the full picture of someone on the internet, because we are only seeing words and pictures. And sometimes just a little bit here and there of this person. And even in real life, people have the habit of jumping to conclusions about a person from the first impression many times. But just continue to be yourself, and your true self will always come through in the end. If they fail to see that, then they are shallow, and not worth getting upset over at all. Have a wonderful day, Moon. :)

Answer 8

I know what you mean. I have had some falling out with a few people on my friends list a while back.

I would try to talk with these people and make absolutely sure that there have been no misunderstandings since they do seem to happen fairly often. As far as I am concerned friendship is far more valuable then material possessions and I for one want to reach out to as many people as possible since deep down inside many of us have a lot of inner beauty and have something to offer.

I wish you the best of luck in talking things over with all your friends and I hope that you will all work things out in one way or another. Even if worst comes to worst, then at least you will know that deep down inside you tried to reach them.

I had several e-mails sent to me complaining about certain content in there 360 pages. The e-mails kept on coming and I was torn and quite upset about it. I tried sending e-mails back to them and I kept getting more in return.

This was bringing back many bad memories from the past when bullies constantly pushed me around, harassed me and put me down so at that time, this allowed for me to let these e-mail threats get the better of me.

I tried my best to send the friends that I let go, a kind farewell and there were a few that were really upset about it and are not allowing me to send any apology notices. I made the mistake in not reporting these unfriendly e-mails to the Yahoo authorities and let these e--mails get the better of me, which will not happen again, after all life does have many lessons to teach us.

I did not get enough time to know them well and some thought that I was making many assumptions about them before I knew who they really were.

I still feel bad about this, but I also realize that the past is the past and I feel that we must move on and try our best to repair any broken bridges left behind in our lives. I now have a large group of friends and some of them I am getting to know quite well and the others I am just starting to know who they are. They are all very nice people and so were the ones who I get go earlier, some of which did come back into my friends list.

In our own ways, many of us can all strive for a greener/brighter future by helping to create a solid foundation for future generations to build upon, so we can hand them a beautiful world, filled with never ending awe and wonders!!

Where peoples differences and uniqueness are accepted, where we all live as one, helping one another so that we can all play our own mysteriously beautiful melodies in the never ending, awe inspiring, song of life :-)

I truly have faith in humanity and believe that someday our lives and the world in which we live will truly be transformed for the better.

Answer 9

Some People, have a loose tongue, and will find fault where there is none. When someone who is talking bad about someone else who they do not know about but assume they do, are the ones who have a lot of faults of their own. If I were you I would just ignore them, and let them, make a fool of themselves. As the saying goes, Sticks and Stones can break my Bones but, Words can never hurt me.

Answer 10

There are times when someone I didn't know make lots of assumptions about me, and I just ignored it. Whatever they say, there must be evidence. Of course if you were to ask them for evidence, they will be arrogant and say :"Why do you care?"

That was when I went to the office, told my superior about it, and they got themselves eating their own words as non of whatever said happened. After the incident, they aren't happy and went for more and that's when I took a bottle and smash onto that jerk's head. Not only was I out of job, that jerk stayed in hospital for a week and was released from his work thereafter.

When I went back there just for a visit with my new company, my ex-superior told me that that jerk had been creating problems after problems for the company and he shook my hand to say 'Thank You' as that smash on his head ended his career. He's now seeking psychiatric treatment in one of the hospitals.

You see, things happen suddenly. In human nature, whatever things we do, we must be on guard 24/7 or we will end up like that jerk. Be calm, be tactful and keep the best for last to deal these blabber mouthed people.

Cheers :)