Found out my husband has been watching porn and going to match sites, What should I do?

Question

My husband asked me to do set payment dates on a card. I figured he had the site on favorites because I have a folder for important stuff. He had a lot of porn and he already knows it bothers me, he swore up and down he wasn't into it when we first got together 3 years ago. Anyway I checked the history to see how often this has been happening (wouldn't want to get mad over little stuff) and I saw this started last week and has been going on every other day. there was also hook up sites meant for sex and sex only. My husband is the last person I expected this from, so I am floored and very hurt. He left for training the night before last so I haven't talked to him and he gets back in sep. Not sure what to do till then, I have no proof of anything. I can't see if he has profiles on those sites or not or anything. What should I do?

Answer 1

First, don't panic and don't obsess over this. There is a reason why so many sex sites are out there, and there is a reason why porn films are the largest sold and rented dvd's in America today (romance novels - with their forced sex and steamy scenes, not to let women off the hook, out-sell all other kinds of novels together). He may be going through some real stress in his life, he may be having self doubts, or he may be just curious or enjoy them. You have to talk with him in a non-attacking way, and perhaps this negative can be turned into a positive, you can help him and you can build a better marriage, but not if you attack him, nag him, belittle him or reject him. Reach out to him, find out what is going on, and share in his life, if you truly love him

Answer 2

You both have a problem. He's away and can't help. When he returns, you might try discussing the issue with him. Don't attack him and try to keep your emotions out of the discussion. There is a reason he does porn; he may not know the reason so be prepared for that. He feels a need to do it and that is the issue. I don't think porn itself has anything to do with the problem. It the files on the computer bother you that much, you can delete the stuff but that won't solve the problem. Don't make assumptions that are without merit. I don't understand your first sentence about payment dates on a card. If he is making payments to visit the porn sites, stop the payments.

Answer 3

I can totally relate to your story because I used to be him and with the help of my wife I was able to overcome it. Internet porn addictions are very powerful and very hard to break because us guys think hey who is it hurting its not like I'm cheating or anything. Its a habit guys pick up either in high school or college to curb stress and to relax. Be patient but tough. As for the sex match people websites he may just be trying to get people to talk dirty to him without paying one of those crappy skanky call services. He probably isnt going to actually meet those people. Hopefully not, I cant say for sure just that I never did. Also your history window only probably goes back 1 week before it deletes itself so this has been going on for a long time. To resolve the problem you will need to approach him at a time he will be open to listen. So not during tv watching and probably not in public. Next you need to change a little bit in your sex life. It sounds that he wants someone to talk dirty to him so you should ask him. You shouldnt ask him a question thats really general like "What can I add or change in my sex life to make it better?" He might be afraid to suggest something you might find offensive. So think of things you are willing to do and suggest that. Im sure being a military guy that this makes the problem harder to resolve because he is gone for long periods of time. Just remember to be patient and understanding and hope for the best.

Answer 4

Ok.. well be prepared. Talk to him abou the porn.. but.. the hook up sites.. well.. you might want to go to the porn sites.. and see if they pop up. Sometimes when you visit sites.. especially like porn sites or whatever.. there could be ads that pop up like that, and they would show in the internet history. Look carefully at the history, are there serveral entries in the history for one sites? Does one entry for it say " log in" or anything? if you are curious.. you can download a keylogger. Youc an also download google desktop and view cached versions of the webpages. If he has been sending and reieving messages.. you may be able to view them. If none of these are true... then they could just be from pop ups.

Answer 5

I understand being curious, but your husband has no business on those "dating" sites since he's MARRIED. the porn, i think is something that you may just have to learn to accept from him, if it's what he likes. he lied when he said he wasn't into it. but it doesn't make him a cheater. since he's gone now, theres really nothing you can do before he comes back. i mean, you guys ARE married...so it's not just as simple as packing up and leaving. when he returns don't hound him and make him feel regretful for returning. just be nice to him, and after hes been home a couple days confront him about it. say "i've found these websites in your history. can you explain this? is there a problem in the relationship that i don't know about?" try to hear him out. one time my bf left his email open and i got nosy and looked at it and he had emails from dating sites that he still received emails from even though he hasnt used them in years. you'll just have to hear him out until you can really come to any conclusions. you should be able to tell by his reaction if hes hiding something or not.

Answer 6

I don't mean to be disrespectful in any way but its better then him cheating you know? It sounds like your not into porn at all. What I do sometimes is watch porn with my bf just because I know he likes to watch it occassionally.

If he knew that it bothered you and still did it then its just a hobby of his. Like I said I don't want to disrespect but maybe he is looking for something new to spice up the intimacy. How about trying new things with him, buying lingerie, just to keep the relationship sizzling in that aspect and then he won't have to go on all those porn sites.

I haven't met a guy whos not into porn. Talk to him, ask him if he wants to try something new. Don't just throw it in his face, try to reason with him. If after that he just refuses or won't talk to you then its more then just looking at porn, it could turn out to be an obsession. Communication is key, try not to get upset when you talk to him about it.Then he will get all defensive.

Answer 7

Porn is addicting and can be hard to stop, put limits on the amount of time .Date sights, ask what the purpose intended is, curiosity or something more serious. Make sure it isn't illegal or just sick. Otherwise just looking isn't really hurting anyone but acting out on it is. I think there are more people looking at it than will ever admit it.

Answer 8

Porn is a beautiful thing. It’s much better than cheating on you or going to a strip club. Having said that having sex with someone else isn’t a good thing and if that’s the case you really need to have a talk. However, if it is just porn, I would just leave it a lone, it’s a beautiful thing.

Answer 9

NO??! ARE YOU SERIOUS??!? I SIMPLY CANNOT BELIE........Oh wait, yes i can. Of course your husband watches porn!! Pretty much all guys watch porn, its like a law of nature. And that could be one of the most offensive statements ive ever heard, is he watching GAY porn or just straight anal porn? Coz if its Gay porn then i guess he's curious about it but if its straight anal porn then why in god's name would that make him Gay? Why not let him do it to you? Xx

Answer 10

Almost every guy I know looks at porn. No wait, Every guy I know looks at porn. For me, I would rather they were honest about it than just look at than lie about it when they get caught. Being the only girl of six boys, men look to hook up for sex because they are not getting at home. (At least that is what my six brothers told me) My first husband was just plain embarrassed that he looked at porn sites and instead of doing the logical thing and not do it if he is embarrassed, he just hides it. In addition, for some guys it's a fantasy, for others low self esteem. If you are worried about him cheating on you, I would test the waters and see what happens.