Yesterday night he just lost it. He has lots of issues with his parents. They abused him and used to leave him with a man who raped him. Even when they found out, they didn't get help for him. They just said he needs to get over it and that because he is depressed he should go live in a permanent home for adults(his mom is crazy-they dont't even have those here anymore!). But he can't get over it-you wouldn't believe all the horrible stuff that happened during his childhood!!! He is 20 now and anger has built up to a high degree.
So last night he finally blew up. His mom said some horrible things to him and he hit her and broke her back car window. Later that night the police found him and arrested him.
I am so scared. I know what he did was wrong but..... I can hardly blame him. And my baby girl and I need him so badly. I do not know how to live without him! He is a wonderful father and boyfriend... :( I am just terrified of what will happen to him.
2007-08-12 07:27:35 · 13 answers · asked by green march 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He might get sentenced but if it is his first offense they will most likely wave the time in jail and instead, order him to take anger management courses. However, I have heard these classes don't really help all that much. He needs therapy. He needs it ASAP before he turns his rage towards you and your child. You don't think it will happen, but it will. If his parents trigger his rage he needs to stay away from them. He needs to work on dealing with his childhood trauma or it will spill over into everything else in his life--work, home and socially. I can't express enough how much you need to be using this time to convince him to seek treatment. Go with him if you must, but see that he receives it. Good luck to you and to him.
2007-08-12 07:44:04 · answer #1 · answered by onebigfool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you do not need him. Your baby girl does not need him. he has more problems than you will ever be able to help him overcome. Healing from that comes only from God. He has been betrayed by everyone who should have loved him and cherished him. He won't be able ever to have a real relationship with you and his daughter. You have to let him go. Pray for him very hard everyday, that God will heal him. But you must know, there are wounds that nothing can heal but God. You are not God and so you must let him go. I am not telling you to stop loving him for the sake of your baby together. Say alomost nothing to her about his problems until she is much much older. NOT a kid anymore at all. Not until she is WAY older than now. An adult. Be good to her enough for two. You are both her parents now. Even when he gets out you are going to have to find a way to let him go. His anger will be too great for you to manage and he won't be able to do it. You cant raise a baby in that. You cannot. You must go. You can do it. You CAN do it. God will take care of him when this life is done. He has much to learn and you are not the Teacher. Let God have his life and you take take that baby and go and raise her on your own.
I wish I could hug you so let it be in spirit, green march.
2007-08-12 14:56:21 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa of America 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how long he'll be in but if this is his first offense he could be released on his own recognicense (without bail). If that's not an option then bail will be set and if met then he can get out. I'm sorry that your beau has had such a horrible life but out of the ashes he can rise above all of this. Too bad we can't choose our parents but thankfully we can choose to be not like our parents.
2007-08-12 14:36:54 · answer #3 · answered by 65sweety 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's his first offense then it really depends on if she presses charges and the like. I would definitely say he needs to get help for what happened to him. They judge may order mandatory anger management classes and therapy for what happened when he was younger. I think he for sure needs to not have any contact at all with his family. It will just make matters worse. I had similar issues when I was growing up with my mom and step father beating me and the like. I now live over 2000 miles away from my family and have minimal contact with them. It took years of therapy to cope with what happened. Good luck!
2007-08-12 14:39:45 · answer #4 · answered by Dani&Morgan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, how much is bail and can you bail him out? It takes 10% in cash of what they say ($20,000 bail would take $2,000 in cash, for example). You should also contact a lawyer.
The reality is he could, if you do the above things, have him home tomorrow, or, he could lay there in jail for about a week. Assault is the big thing here. So get a lawyer.
2007-08-12 14:37:59 · answer #5 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He'll be given a lawyer. It's his right as a human here in the grand old USA.
Once he spills the abuse that was never reported by his folks, he just may end up having them as his cell mates.
He won't be in jail long. When the courts hear of all the abuse, I'm pretty sure things will be changed around in a big way to his advantage!
2007-08-12 14:40:17 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well....U know 4 sure...he will be going to jail ,cant say for how long cuz thats up to the judge. While's he's in jail, he might want to get some coucelling to deal with all the bad stuff that happened to him. And tell him to keep to himself cuz if he gets in with the wrong group, he will find trouble. The safest thing is to pretend he doesnt see nothing and stick to himself.
2007-08-12 14:46:26 · answer #7 · answered by Guardian W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, his charges are probably something like assault/battery with damage to private property. you could go bail him out of jail right now. if you don't have the money to bail him out, he'll be in there until he sees a judge, probably tomorrow. more than likely he will just get fines. tell him to stay away from his family from now on.
2007-08-12 14:52:20 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you and your baby need him but you should think about what would happen to your baby if he hurt you? yes, he had an awful childhood, but thats never an excuse to hit someone. He needs help, you should protect yourself and your baby.
2007-08-12 14:46:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He won't be in there long, this is just an assault and battery and destroying property thing...he'll have bail set and get out soon enough...and be right back to create havoc in everyone's life again...he'll be calling you to come pay his bail soon...
2007-08-12 14:43:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋