Hi, can you help me read my intro please for my essay?

Question

Im in 6th grade.

Abusing a dog is like abusing your own child. Dogs are a man’s best friend so why does people abuse there dogs? There are many ways to abuse a dog and the most recite way to abuse a dog is dog fighting. Since dog fighting has been ban, many people still participate in this sadistic contest and if these people get caught from participating in dog fight they should be punish more. There are many different kinds of ways to abusing a dog by burning them, not feeding them or hitting them and much more.

Answer 1

Check your spelling and Grammar. In the first line use "do" instead of "does." You also used "there" in the wrong form twice. Use "Their." Your second sentence and the last on say exactly the same thing. Also use Punished instead of punish. your fourth sentence has good information and should be kept, but is worded wrong. Try "Although Dog fighting is illegal, many people still continue to participate... Your fourth sentence is a run-on. Good Luck...

Answer 2

You've made an interesting start, but you really need to work on your grammar and spelling. I've re-written the paragraph for you so you can see where you need correction.

Abusing a dog is like abusing your own child. Dogs are a man's best friend, so why do people abuse their dogs? There are many ways to abuse a dog and the most (RECITE - do you mean recent? Dog fighting is an ancient sport. Pit bulls were bred for this specific purpose) Although dog fighting has been banned, many people still watch (the people don't participate, the dogs do) these sadistic contests and if people are caught attending or promoting dig fights, they should be severely punished. There are many ways to abuse a dog: by burning them, not feeding them, hitting them, or many other ways.

Answer 3

Abusing a dog is like abusing your own child. Dogs are a man’s best friend so why DO people abuse THEIR dogs? There are many ways to abuse a dog and the most RECITE DOESN'T BELONG HERE way to abuse a dog is dog fighting. Since dog fighting has been banned, many people still participate in this SADISTIC!?!? contest. IF these people get CAUGHT PARTICIPATING in dog fights they should BE PUNISHED FURTHER. There are many different kinds of ways to abuse a dog. FOR EXAMPLE YOU CAN BURN them, STARVE THEM, ABUSE THEM, and much more.

Answer 4

Abusing a dog is like abusing your own child. Dogs are a man’s best friend so why DO people abuse THEIR dogs? There are many ways to abuse a dog and the most RECITE IS NOT CORRECT HERE way to abuse a dog is dog fighting. ___ Dog fighting has been BANNED, BUT many people still participate in this sadistic contest ___ . If these people get caught ___ participating in dog FIGHTING, they should be PUNISHED more HARSHLY. There are many different kinds of ways to ABUSE DOGS, SUCH AS by burning them, not feeding them or hitting them and much more.

I think your thesis statement is effective - it certainly grabs our attention. I think that as your intro paragraph you are going into too much detail about dog fights as a way of abusing dogs. If you are going to use each type of abuse as a paragraph, then Dog Fighting should be paragraph one, etc.

Another way to structure your essay is

Intro - history of dog abuse
Paragraph 1 - types of dog abuse
Paragraph 2 - laws surrounding dog abuse, including examples of people who have been convicted of it
Paragraph 3 - Counteracting dog abuse - Causes of dog abuse, involvement of the Humane Society, PETA, that show on TV where they investigate people who abuse their pets, you can interview someone at the Humane Society or the police department to ask about dog abuse and what is done about it in your community.
Closing Paragraph.

Answer 5

Keengrrl76 has done a very good job in editing. The only problem I see is, the repetitive 'many ways to abuse dogs' statement. It's at the beginning and then again at the end.

Also, I would put 'how' people who abuse animals can get into trouble. Such as being reported to the SPCA (Society for the Prevention to Cruelity to Animals), and Animal Control.

Try letting your parents read your essay after you've finished, so that you can get it exactly right for whomever you have to turn it in to.

Answer 6

I, personally, would not have startet your introduction as you have. However I have amended your version to a more readable one, correcting grammar where necessary. Beneath yours I have out my own versionh for you to consider.

Yours
Abusing a dog is to me akin to abusing your own child. Dogs are known as man’s best friend so why do people abuse their dogs? There are many ways to abuse a dog and one of the most severe ways of doing this is by making them participate in dog fighting. Since dog fighting has been banned, many people still indulge in this sadistic activity illegally. If these people are caught in being involved in or attending dog fights they should, in my opinion face severe punishment. There are many different ways to abusing dogs including burning them, not feeding them properly or hitting them amongst other things.

Mine

The abuse of any animal by a human being is an abhorrent practice and one that should be condemned. Animals are not able to defend themselves against such activity and are pooly protected by law. Amongst the worst kind of cruelty is that made against dogs, simply because over many thousands of years dogs have been used as working animals, companions and pets and have thus become known as 'Man's Best Friend' to the exclusion of all other animals.
A particularly nasty way to abuse dogs is by forcing them in the extremely cruel but, sadly, popular, practice of dog fighting. This usually entails dogs being forced to fight until one of them is killed, the survivor also being subject to horrific injuries incurred during the struggle. Although illegal the activity of dog fighting still goes on, albeit underground, and aften hard to locate. It is unfortunate that the organisers and spectators of these contests, when caught, are not sufficiently punished for it to act as a deterrent to them. Personally I would ensure that penalties were much harsher. Often dogs are abused by their owners in other ways, including insufficient feeding, the burning of them and beating them, many being kept in atrocious conditions. People committing such atrocities should, in my opinion, be banned from keeping dogs and, in fact, any pet for life.

Answer 7

just fix all the grammar and spelling mistakes (see the first person) and it'll be pretty good... i'd give a statistic where it says "many people still participate..." exact numbers are always good

Answer 8

You could say something as the such: "Could you imagine yourself in a place where you would only get one meal a day, if your lucky?" That really grabs the reader. GL! Maybe you could help me with my school question.