Anyone non judgemental about affairs on here? Need real advice.?

Question

Can anyone who is involved or has been in involved in affair give some advice on the situation? Share thier experiance as to why it happened? What you were feeling? What were the results? I am looking of the non name callers...the "you suck, you are a scum, you should die, once a cheater always a cheater, you disgrace" people please stay away from this one.

Answer 1

Here’s the thing, feelings are a hard thing to control, especially emotional ones. I do believe you can fall in love with more than one person, especially if that person isn’t providing everything you need. You shouldn’t feel bad about how you feel, but you’ll need to figure out what you need to be happy. You might be in a wrong relationship and you might need more from the relationship that the other person is willing to or can give. That’s the real problem. If the relationship was good to begin with then the need to seek out additional support (emotional, sexual, etc) wouldn’t be necessary. It’s easy for someone in a relationship that is completely supportive on multiple levels to be critical of one that isn’t (they have it good). So if you’re in a relationship that isn’t completely supportive, then it is natural to seek out additional support. It doesn’t make you a bad person it just makes the whole situation very complicated.

Answer 2

Well, I was involved with a married man.
In all seriousness, I did not know he was married. I assumed he had a busy work schedule that often took him out of town.
I was in love with him, and cherished every moment we were together (usually wknds or sometimes wk day nights).
He finally broke down after about a year and told me that he was married with young children.
I was absolutely devestated. I couldn't believe it, and then as terrible as it sounds, I didn't feel guilty.
I didn't care.
In fact, I felt like his wife lost nothing, and I had lost a 'wonderful' man.
He did try to keep in touch with me for a while, wanting to see me etc. I realized how distructive the behavior was, to me.
I know that sounds very selfish, but I did not know his wife, I just knew how the affair had effected me.
I ended all contact with him. I think ending the contact was harder than hearing that he was married.

My advice is, don't think that she goes away unscathed. It will hurt her when you end the relationship. Esp. if she truly truly cares about you, and it's not just a physical affair.
She will invest her emotions in you.

Everyone always worries about the wife, and within right, but everyone paints the other woman as a 'villian' when in reality, she may have no idea that her boyfriend has a spouse.

The "other woman" may be a really nice, sincere person.

Answer 3

It happens to almost half of all married men out there and almost a third of all married women, so it is VERY common and no one should be judgmental when you ask a simple question. The issue for me is that it's just sooooo much work, not only maintaining two relationships, but also the effort, creativity, and secrecy. Why does it happen? It can be anything from Clinton's "because I could" to the woman having emotional needs and seducing, to a guy wanting an ego boost, to it feels good and is fun, to needs are met at home, and on and on. There are a lot of feelings of guilt mixed with those feelings of triumph, and then there are the worries about diseases. By the way, never ever, no matter how guilty do you feel, share your secret with your wife. It will just destroy her and will do nothing good for anyone.

Answer 4

Well, i have not been in an affair, but i think if it is something that you are doing there must be a reason for it, maybe there is something missing at home that you are trying to find somewhere else. i sugguest you talk with the person before you act on anything maybe you will find what is missing and not have the affiar. but if you feel as though you cant fix it or find what is missing then let the other person know that things are not working out and you need some space or that things are over. either way someone may get hurt but its better to be honest then lie to either person you are with. i hope that this advice helps you out.

Answer 5

As a wife, I had not an affair but had sexual experienced with another guy besides my husband. The sex was planned by my husband for me and his closest best male friend. He talked first with his friend if he can thrust him 100 % or not? Second, My husband asked his if he has likes on me and how does he feel if my husband willing to allow him to have sex with me. It was started as joke first when they talked about it,. When my hsuband had affirmative reactions, and he had promised to respect our marriage and nothing in his mind to distroy our marital relationship as husband and wife, that's the time they seriously considered the arrange the planned.
One night in bed with my husband after several rounds of sex before going to sleep, my hubby talk to me and relay the scheduled planned sex. I was surprised because it was my 24 birthday anniversyary. It was a gift my husband gave to me. I accepted the idea and asked my hubby if it was not a trick or trap but he is still committed to our relationship to love still whatever will happen after the planned sex. I asked him what shall I do in return? He asked me only to tell him all details what had had happened. Weel, It happened I had tell him complete details he asked and he was happy then, we make love again and again and again while I am making the stories.
Until now our marriage is still the same strong and happy. We stiil respect each other and understand each other. I hope other couples learned a lesson out of this.

Answer 6

I have been on both sides of that fence more than once. It's all about perspective.
If you're the "other guy" then you don't see it as an affair. It's just a thing. Sometimes you're the "white knight," sometimes you're just the "one night."

If you're the victim, then your world ends because she disrespected you and all that you hold sacred.

Bottom line, someone's going to get hurt. Where you are on the fence determines whether you're inflicting the pain or inflicted by it.

Answer 7

One man I knew a few years back told me why he cheated...

Wife gained weight, just enough to where the sex felt different, and he could not hold his erection during intercourse.

She never let him run around with his friends... just pal around type stuff. So he lost his friends, and part of his identity outside of the house.

She was on the phone, every day, with HER friends. This while he took care of the kids and did more than his fair share of the housework.

He quit his job so he could be home more, and while she was supportive, she was "cold" when it came to physical affection.

Women came on to him. He was a good guy. I am not sure what happened to him.

Answer 8

don't know you cant call names, but if an affair has or could occur! somethings missing! Either you can find and fix that in your current relationship. Or move on....Other wise things will get ugly and be much hardier to fix...You # 1 question is do I love what I got, am I willing to stay here without cheating?

Answer 9

There are many reasons why people have affairs. Not happy at home...need to feel like a stud...mid life crisis...just the way they are.
You should go to the person and ask them why they feel they have to have affairs...after all, they are the only ones who truly know.
be cool...

Answer 10

I was never in love with my husband. I married him to get out of my parent's house. This was a shameful thing for me to do. I cheated on him, and I asked him for a divorce because I knew I would never love him or be faithful to him.

Then I met someone else, I never cheated on him because I felt true love for him.

We are no longer together, but I never even though of cheating on him.