Should spouses call and let each other know if they are going to be late?

Question

My husband and I both work full time but his hours are more irregular than mine are which means he sometimes works on weekends as well. His schedule is posted on the fridge so he know when he is supposed to be in to work. My question is, if he's going to go do something else after work, should he call and let me know? I always call him if I'm even going to be a half hour late getting home or meeting him somewhere. I'm not talking about being twenty, thirty, or even an hour late. I'm talking about two and a half hours. I don't mind that he goes to visit his friends or whatever but I think its fair for him to at least leave me a message. Even something so simple as 'Going out for a while. Be back later'

Am I being unreasonable for wanting him to at least call and tell me he's going to go do something after work?

My main concern is not that I don't trust him, because I wholeheartedly do. It's more for my piece of mind in case something happens (like his very old car dying in the middle of the hwy-which has happened before).

Answer 1

This isn't about a lack of trust. This is about common courtesy.

We would demand that our children, even if they are getting older, let us know when they will be late.

You share a home and have a commitment to each other. It's only natural to be concerned about the ones you love.
It's just not fair for one spouse to neglect the feelings of the other and leave them to just wonder if and when the other will show up. We need to treat each other with respect and thoughtfulness. We should give them the courtesy that we would expect from anyone.

Answer 2

My husband and I trust each other completely. We've both always had the freedom to come and go and do things that we want to do. We do, however, try our best to make sure the other doesn't worry. We'll call or text message each other if we think we'll be late or if we aren't going to be where we said we'd be. He works 45 minutes from home so he makes it a point to let me know if his relief is late getting to work or if he's having vehicle trouble. In return, if I go out with a friend or with my mom I let him know where I am and when I plan to be home. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with common courtesy. We worry about each other enough as it is without causing each other unnecessary concern.

Answer 3

Yes!!! By all means! What happens if your spouse doesn't call?
How are you to know if he's not involved in an accident or a serious illness or something? You are not being unreasonable.

I expect that out of my children as well as my husband. Put your foot down and let him know how you feel. If that doesn't work, then don't call him and let him worry about you for awhile so he can see how it feels to not know where you are.

If that doesn't bother him, then I guess you know where you stand with him. Good luck and GOD bless.

Answer 4

Yes!!
I really do.
My boyfriend has weird hours as well.
He works retail & they had a big person come in to vote the "best" shop out of the nation. Well, he had to work until 1:00 AM & he was supose to get off at 10:00 PM & he didn't call me.
And I got very pissed off but, he told me that he was too busy to make the phone call.

But, yes. I think they should for the fact I get worried about what could of happened.

Answer 5

Sounds pretty reasonable to expect a phone call.

When he calls, are you accepting or do you sound upset that he will be late? Because he might just be avoiding the phone call so he doesn't have to deal with your feelings. An immature response, I know, but just a thought.

Doesn't sound like you mind, though - you just want to know he's not lying dead in a ditch somewhere. In that case, he should definitely call to put your mind at ease.

Answer 6

Not only spouses should call if they are going to be late, but so should children, friends, and co-workers. It's called just being polite and following certain rules of etiquette. But, in a modern world, many guys don't seem to know how to be polite and considerate and it has become a problem for guys to do this. For them it's an admission of be controlled. They don't like that.

Answer 7

I trusy my husband completely as well, but we still both give the courtesy of a phone call. Even if he's going to happy hour after work and only plans to stay for a drink, he calls every time just to let me know. It is courteous.

Answer 8

This is a question about RESPECT in a marriage, and YES....your husband needs to call when he's running late....especially TWO hours late. Oh my goodness!!

What would he do if you ran 2 hours late, and never bothered to call or text? Maybe you should try that one time...and see how he feels about it....

It is totally reasonable and, I believe, mandatory to call your spouse if you are running two hours behind!

Answer 9

It is only respectful to do so. I find it to be extremely selfish to not call your partner to let them know. It isnt a matter of trust but how would you know he is ok and not in a ditch bleeding to death. He should show you more respect.
Just as a side point, women are just as guilty so the posters ahead of me shouldnt make it a man bashing thing.

Answer 10

To not let your spouse know when you are going to be that late is just rude. There is a lot of things that could happen that someone needs help with and it just makes common sense to let them know where and what is going on with you. It's just rude!