Should I get a divorce or try to save my marriage?

Question

We've been married for 20 years and I found out my husband is very selfish.He doesn't like me to visit my brother's family (he is my only brother and my parents died many years ago), and he seldom contacts his own family except for sending money back home regularly through my help. And he is not happy all the time and doesn't enjoy his life. And he told me if I want to keep the same connection with my brother as before, he prefers to divorce. By the way, I make more money than him and I don't want to hurt my daughter by doing this, but we fight more and more now and I really hate it. plz advise.

Answer 1

As soon as any person tells me that I have to make a decision between them and someone else, especially family, then the person forcing the issue loses.

Pack your bags and leave, teach your daughter the value of family.

no one has the right to force you into not seeing your own family. If he is miserable, then let him be miserable alone. If you guys are fighting that much, then your daughter will appreciate the peace and quiet she gets when the two of you are divorced.

Answer 2

I lived alone for a lot of years and can tell you that being at peace and having your home be a "sanctuary" is invaluable. Sounds like you won't get a fight if you divorce based on what you wrote. Be free and be happy. Your daughter is probably the only kid in her class who has her parents still married anyway. Can he be that good of a dad if he's so miserable all the time? Your daughter can spend quality time with both of you separately. It doesn't have to be a huge war, many people break up and acknowledge that they're still friends but aren't happy living together. Good luck - life is short - seize your happiness. Would you wish this type of marriage on your daughter? There's your answer.

Answer 3

Wow, well let me say I have no answer for your dilema however i am ashamed to admit that reading what you wrote blew my mind because I am not the only confused one in this world with the exact situation. You have four years on me.
I don't know why I am still here. My only brother was my big brother we were so close and it was just us. my husband also would not allow my brother over, he would not go to theryre house with me either. My brother fell upon hard times, my husband forbid me to help him in his house.Then took my car away. well i will make a long story short. On the night I decided It was time to leave, I went and bought a pager, so he could reach me, But I never made contact that night. My brother tried reaching at work but when I called back no answer. When we got home from work a family member was calling me and my husband was in a mood, so he hung up and said nothing. I answered the next time only to told that my brother was in the ER, but he is ok he had been stabbed.
My husband would not take me to see him.

I flagged a neighbor down, she gave me a ride.when I arrived I was told in the most callused way that my brother was dead.
He was murdered!!!!!!
He also never met my only friend we had been friends sense grade school the same thing he never wanted to meet her well she also died. So for what it is worth DO NOT CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT HE IS WORTH LOSING YOUR FAMILY OVER I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT KICKING HIM TO THE CURB, IF I HAD MY BROTHER MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE. My life is so empty without him. Now he is trying to keep me from helping my son.
The difference between you and I also would be the money factor, I have none and I repeat NONE, He has everything. If you make more money than he does, Then I pray that you use your head and realize that he can be replaced your brother cannot be replaced. Your daughter will come to terms with whatever you decide to do. I also have held onto a fear of being alone (UH WAKE UP CALL I ALREADY AM ALONE),
I THINK ONCE I REMOVE MYSELF FROM THIS MISERY i WILL BECOME HUMAN AGAIN. I know you will decide what you feel is best just please don;'t end up like me......... too much pain to handle.....

Answer 4

Family should always come first, especially when you havent much family left. If he is unwilling to compromise on that one then you're better off getting a divorce. If you think that maybe you can save your marriage, and get him to compromise, then you might want to try counseling..But sometimes divorce is better. I know you want to protect your daughter but sometimes its better to get a divorce so both parents are actually happy, then stay together for the kids sake, and be miserable. Your daughter will pick up on how unhappy you both are and she'll be unhappy too.

My parents stayed together even though they can barely stand each other. Now they do it because it's just a habit..but I wouldnt have been any worse off if they had gotten a divorce when I was a kid. Sometimes divorce is easier on a child , then having to listen to your parents fighting constantly.

Answer 5

With or without him get some counseling.

You need a 3rd party to help sort through what's really going on here.

Why did it take you 20 years to find out he's selfish?

Answer 6

sounds like he's depressed. Get some counseling, but if
he really cared for you he'd put you and your needs and
wants first and not make you choose between your brother
and himself. I see divorce in your future.

Answer 7

married 25 yrs same boat email lets chat

Answer 8

wow you have one hell of a dog, big dog, problem.

try to save the marriage. your daughter needs a father.

i don't what can be done with this kind of problem, but try to save it.