Is it wrong to choose my mother over my husband??

Question

This really isn't a HUGE problem but my husband it making it one. We were invited to a BBQ for his mother's birthday at his brother's place. It was supposed to be next week but instead was pushed up to one week. My mom lives in Buffalo, USA (I in Toronto, Canada) and she only visits every other weekend because her boyfriend takes his children for the weekend and they come stay in Toronto. I still don't see her much because I work Saturday and Sunday. I'm 5 months pregnant and have had some very bad days and she has come down to stay with me when I've needed it. Well my mom is down for this weekend for the BBQ. her boyfriend is leaving to drop off his kids to their mom and visit his parents and other relatives and my mom will be left home alone until late at night and will be leaving tonight to go back to Buffalo. I really want to stay with her but my husband told me he wants me to go. I already told him I'm staying with my mom and he's upset. Is my decision wrong??

My relationship with my mother is way stronger then him with his family. My mom will always be my bestfriend. His family is just family.

Ginger B- I think you have some mommy issues to deal with.

Answer 1

You have every right not to go if you dont want to. And for the sake of women everywhere I hope Ginger B is a troll. If not, then she's just an idiot.

Answer 2

Well it's not like the BBQ is going to last all day and all night right? Either take your Mom along, or go to this BBQ with your husband and stay just an hour or so and go back to be with your Mom. Could that work and every body be happy?

Answer 3

Marriage is all about compromising you and your family have been invited to a BBQ for your mother in laws birthday. Your mother came down for the weekend so she won't be alone.
Why can't your mother attend the BBQ with you being that this means so much to your husband. Ask your brother in law would it be okay to bring your mother to the BBQ This would solve the problem. Best of Luck

Answer 4

I would ask if your mother can attend the BBQ with you two(ask your husband if he minds and then your hosts), if so invite her along. If not I would attend the BBQ with your husband and enjoy your family. Your Mom does visit often, and if she does not really want to be alone for one day, she should go with her boyfriend...You are both adults with your own families and responsibilities. You have forged another family and I'm sure your mother wants your relationship to be successful and loving; and to do that you have to stick by your husband. It's really nice that your husband wants to have you by his side...enjoy your day and visit with your Mom on the following weekend when she's in town.

Answer 5

Well a Birthday does only come once a year and it sounds as if you see your Mother more than that. If you husband were to constantly making excuses for you not to spend time with your mom that would be one thing but if this is an isolated request then you really should consider his feelings in this matter. If you cannot perhaps you were not ready to be an adult with a life separate from your mother.

Answer 6

When there is a choice betweenyour mother and your husband, choose your husband-if heis am loving man and support you socially, Psychologically ,economically and morally.
2.Either way both of you need a person of opposite sex to,lead a life through out. Your mother is a past and he is present.

3.Do love your mother like any other married lady does.But, you can well explain to your mother that she too has to correct her B/F .She should come to you on your holidays and it may please your husband also.Let her bring some thing special for him as a present some times.After all human being do need recognitions.

4If I read correctly you are going to become a scape goat of your mothers B/Fs convenience.
Have patience and be calm.Your husband is also a loving person.Listen to him now.Only give and take makes a married life happy. Give him a chance.
When you return bring some thing special for him and kiss him deep on his neck , and ear lobs...and all.

Answer 7

Marriage always makes things complicated. Believe me, I've been through these issues before. The only thing that I can say to you is that you need to spend time with both. I know you love being with your mom as I love to be with my parents but you also have to understand that his family is important too. Even though you know that he's not close to his family as you are of yours, you have to understand that sometimes people in those situations get the urge to become closer to their families. Maybe once he married you he developed this urge. He may want his family to see how happy he is with his wife and he wants to share that with others. Talk about it and get things straight. Don't just stand your ground. Hear his side too so that way you both can discuss this together. Sometimes I go with my husband and sometimes he understands that I want to be with my family. So he goes to his while I go to mine. This is what we are doing for Christmas. We will both be with my family and then he will leave Christmas day to go be with his family for a few days! Talking about it make things so much easier to transition to. Good Luck

Answer 8

you see her every other weekend. this just sounds weird. yes you are wrong. you need to go with your husband to the pre-planned bbq. even if the date was changed. your mom's a big girl, can't she stay somewhere by herself until late at night?
or you could take her to the bbq with you. his mother only has a birthday once a year. you being pregnant has nothing to do with this situation.
sounds like you and mommy need to take that step and cut the umbilicle cord once and for all.

Answer 9

why don't you marry her and live with her and sleep with her?

you have known about this for - what? ever? months? weeks?

plan ahead, dingbat.

go with him to the BBQ for a while, but explain to him BEFOREHAND that 2 or 3 hours in you are going to kiss him and let your hand linger on his package while you do, and then split the evening between the BBQ and your meddling clingy manipulative mother, and that he'll be getting the blo*wjob of his life when he gets home later.

stop siding with your mommy and start siding with the man you are making a family with, just in general. that or don't be shocked as mommy takes up more and more of your time, he finds another woman to take up more and more of his. it isn't right but that's how it works.

Answer 10

Your MIL's birthday is only once a year. You see momz every other weekend, at least for a few hours. You should show to a family BBQ. Unless you are really against it and absolutely want to see your mom... that's on you, but then you'll have to deal with the consequences.

Think about it: If you asked your husband to attend a family function with you, wouldn't you want him to choose you????

Answer 11

Take your parents forceful opinons respectfully, with a grain of salt. I dont know what type of people they may be, but the process of seperating from parents to be come a healthy individual can be a trecerous path. Listen to their input. Then think it over. THEN open your mouth and slowly train your parents to understand that you value their support and guidance, that they have put much into you and you appreciate it BUT they can best be supportive by eventually accepting that you are grown/growing and are not their baby. Try not to create a rift. Even if their ideas are backwards, if they do not align with your developing ideas of life- their relationship with you will always have a value to you. Make it a mutual growing experience. They only love and fear for you.