He is addicted to adult porn and dont want me maybe 3x's in 2wks. I had twin's almost 2 yrs. ago and I still have not lost all the weight but most of it. He tells me all the time that he dont want to be with me and I am fat and that we would have a better sex life if I were not fat then he wouldnt need porn.Then the next day he is fine and all lovie? help please! Do I stay and hope it get's better or leave him?
2007-08-12 04:22:20 · 25 answers · asked by Liana W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh honey, this is not a good situation. Sounds to me like he's got some serious underlying problems that have nothing to do with you. He's your husband and he should love you regardless...and esp with a few extra pounds due to your kids!! A man that loves you the way he should isn't going to scrutinize you for this! I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but he's got some internal issues that's causing him to not be able to get past himself. It could have something to do with his addiction to porn and there's a chance his idea of reality of a woman is now being based on these porn stars he's watching. If he makes the choice for porn to be his preference, there's nothing you can do about it because it's not about you...it's about him! Quite honestly, staying could continue to be more and more painful unless he makes some serious changes and you two go through some counseling. Your best bet may be to seperate, and see if he starts working on these things by himself and that will be your true statement of what he's all about. I know it's hard and I know you feel like you should keep trying to work it out, but there comes a point that this is abusive to you and you can't just wait around and let your self-esteem get battered until he hopefully snaps out of it. Not to mention, you don't want your kids watching the hostility of a relationship because kids pick up on these things. But, whatever you decide to do, try and keep your head up and know you're a better person than what he's making you feel and that you have control of your own destiny and the way you're treated.
The best of luck to you and I hope you're able to come to an answer before you're so sucked in you can't leave.
2007-08-12 04:39:20 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
two weeks ago you asked a question about his best friend dying mysteriously. Maybe that is still with him and is causing him to have some tough emotional and mental problems. I suggest getting him to a shrink to see if that is he problem. If that isn't an option then either A) Divorce and move on B ) Watch porn with him and try get him interested, or C )stay with him but find a local guy to give you the love and attention you need. Good luck
2007-08-12 04:38:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Liana,
If I was you I would do everything within my power to lose the weight. He obviously still loves you because he is lovey with you sometimes but he's being straightforward with you and telling you that he's not attracted to you with extra weight. I really don't feel that people can help who they are attracted to. I tried to date this guy that was awesome but he was overweight and no matter how I tried I couldn't stand the thought of seeing him naked. It's human nature honey and if you want to save your marriage you should do everything you can to lose the weight. Healthfully of course! I go to Curves and try to eat small healthy meals throughout the day. And hey, I know it's hard but anything worth doing isn't going to be easy! Good luck to you and I hope you don't mind my honesty. It's just my opinion!
Oh, and as for the porn, I personally wouldn't tolerate it if he keeps it up after you lose the weight. But, I do have several girlfriends who do put up with it and because they seem not to mind. Remember that men tend to be much more sexual visually and you shouldn't think his interest in porn is any reflection on his caring for you.
2007-08-12 04:36:15 · answer #3 · answered by That girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Liana, a man who would say something so hurtful to you is not a man worth having. He doesn't appear to value you as the person you are. ("For better or worse" includes fat, you know!) He does not give you the respect you deserve as the mother of his children.
There are good guys out there. If I were in your position, I'd get my financial status in good shape, then file for divorce. Once I'm rid of a man who's good with being nasty to me, then I'd be free to seek a kind man who'll love me for the woman I am inside, whether I lost every ounce and glammed myself up, or really need to wash my hair and drop some pounds. This is the kind of guy who will also be a loving "father" to your twins, who deserve a better daddy than the one who's verbally abusive to their mommy.
Dump him and don't look back.
2007-08-12 04:33:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he's addicted to porn now he probaly still will be when or if you lose the weight. If he wants to work on the relationship as much as you want to he would stop watching it out of respect for you and your relationship. He shouldn't be callin you "fat" for one. But if you really wanna work on your relationship you should sit down and talk. If things don't turn around that way , you may wanna seek counseling or the relationship is just not gonna work out. If he is not open to fixing the problems in your relationship, it may be that he dosen't want to.
2007-08-12 04:33:28 · answer #5 · answered by pimpinqueenl1989 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE needs help. Your body shouldn't make a difference to him if he was a real man. Good grief, you had twins no less. That is a lot to come back from.
He is trying to lower your self esteem because he knows he is doing wrong.
Get a marriage counselor and if that doesn't work, divorce him and leave him with nothing.
I do not say this to be mean, but as a huge wake up call for him.
2007-08-12 04:30:12 · answer #6 · answered by Mom of 2 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him blame his bad behavior on you. Men know women tend to be paranoid about their weight and use it as an excuse for all kinds of things. You might want to remind him you gained the weight bearing his children and if he is that unhappy maybe he should leave and find someone else. This might shake him up a bit and wake him up. Be sure and tell him you love him but don't want to live with him criticizing you and making you feel bad about yourself, you don't do that when you love someone.
2007-08-12 04:34:47 · answer #7 · answered by ophirhodji 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try getting him to go to counseling. He has a problem with being mentally and verbally abusive, which you didn't specifically identify, as well as his addiction to porn. If he's not willing to go to counseling, then you need to start working on taking care of yourself and the children.
2007-08-12 04:32:31 · answer #8 · answered by Tbone64 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, i cannot tell you what to do cause no one can change your life but you. my husband and i have been married for 18 years and he is addicted to drugs. and i have not had sex in seven years. he tells me i am fat and ugly and then wants to be my best friend. my kids are older. all i can say is get out while you can. first make sure he knows you will not put up with this stuff any longer. i went finally and filed for a divorce. i thought i was going to be his angel and help to change him or give him a time limit to change. who was i kidding but myself. we deserve to be loved and treated good. why should you or i have to be second best to these guys getting their jollys off to these girls who would not give them the time of day. or the drug in my case. we are people and have feelings and need respect. if they dont respect us we need to respect us and show these guys the door. hang in there. i use to believe in marriage for life through sickness and health. but, these guys are using it the wrong way. need to talk anymore look me up. i will be praying for you girl. dee
2007-08-12 04:32:00 · answer #9 · answered by dee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you want to deal with him treating you that badly the only thing that will save your marriage is counseling for the both of you, and if he is not willing to go than maybe you need to leave.
2007-08-12 05:24:49 · answer #10 · answered by Jessy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋