Do I have a right to be mad???

Question

My friend decided to host a dinner party for a few couples last night. I had to beg my fiance to come, he has really bad anxiety , they live and hour & a half away & he's a really picky eater. He finally agrees to come, mainly because she is going to be in our wedding in 2 months. We go & everyone drank a little too much wine & got a little goofy. My fiance I don't drink at all.The conversation quickly turned to ball s@cs, warts & all kind of disgusting things. Then, another friend who was there asked us to drive her & her boyfriend home & she was lying in the back of our car with her feet on the window cussing every other word.

My fiance was a trooper. He was very nice, but just kind of quiet. When we got home he went off on how classless they are and how horrible the night was and would not stop for like an hour! These are my friends and it really pissed me off. He wouldn't quit saying terrible things!Should I blow it off because he came for me or do I have a right to be mad?

He doesn't care at all if I go out with them.......he just doesn't want to join.

Answer 1

Everyone has a right to be mad including you and your fiance (for different reasons of course).

I don't think drunken topic conversations make for classless people. I think lying on the back seat with your feet against the world cursing a blue streak is classless; but again it WAS a drunk fest.

I'm sure your friends are very nice when they are not drunk and this is why you enjoy them. It is unfortunate that your finace can not see them when they are not drunk and this may give him a different outlook toward them.

However, with him getting mad, it provides him with a "convenient" escape to not only avoid your friends but avoid his anxiety.

My suggestion is that it is okay for him to go off like that but within reason. An hour is NOT okay.

Your role should have been to either
a) defend your friends by telling him, "Yes honey, I know they were drunk and acting foolish but they are nice people when you get to know them."

b) tell him that yelling at you doesn't solve anything other than to make you angry.

You need to set a limit on how anger is done within your home. "The One Minute Manager" might be a book to get him. It tells you to allow yourself to be angry for one minute and then MOVE ON."

Moving forward, continue to invite your fiance and let him decide if he wants to join you or not. Afterall, you two are getting married and your friends and couples will soon become his friends and couples through association and parties, rehearsals, etc.

Good luck with the wedding.

Answer 2

Well, he did not have a good time, that's for sure, and obviously your friends are not his kind of people. It's amazing how alcohol make you do dumb things, and even though all the drunks were having a great time he was probably getting agitated by the second. Mind you, by the sound of things, your friends do sound like a bunch of idiots, but that may not be the case all of the time, the conversation subject matter could have been brought up a couple of notches. The most important thing is that your fiance did not embarrass you in front of them,nor did he stormed out, although he clearly was not enjoying himself. He was honest with regards to how he felt about the evening afterwards, which is good for future gatherings. Don't get him in this mix, spend time with your friends without him, it will prevent arguments and stress. Just because you like this crowd, does not mean he has too.

Answer 3

Well, it does sound like it was pretty bad. I didn't hear what he said, but I think he had a right to blow off some steam. I mean you did say he was a trooper the entire time. I mean he could have been a jerk at your friend's house, but he wasn't. He didn't go on forever, but an hour isn't so bad for hours of behavior that he was very uncomfortable with, not to mention taking a foul mouthed drunk home. Cut the guy some slack. How would you act if it was the other way around, and YOU were the one in the uncomfortable situation? You would want the opportunity to vent, wouldn't you?

Answer 4

Hi Jule and good morning....I understand your situation but hear me out ok....Now let me say just this first...since I don't know the two of you personally I'm going by what you have stated ok? First of all you had stated in the beginning that your fiance' has bad anxiety so you have to consider on how he feels. This is a very strong concern and issue for your fiance'. Anxiety isn't what it's cut out to be. My gf had anxiety attacks and let me say this...it wasn't a good feeling for her to encounter, she ended up taking medication for years due to this ailment. It's not pleasant to have. Now knowing this and knowing the situation that your husband had to endure due to the length of driving and then the situation of his eating habits this alone could have set off an anxiety attack. He was lucky that he didn't. Now comes the dinner party that turned to a fiasco with the drinking and loud voices and cursing and such. This alone could have been a bomb ready to explode when it involves a person with an anxiety problem. I'm impressed that he didn't have an explosion then and 'thank God' he didn't. This could have gotten worse. You need to pat him on the back for this since what had happened at home when you returned could have possibly taken place at the party itself. So be grateful it didn't. Anxiety occurs differently in everyone that has this ailment. Some have it more severe than others. My gf had a severe case. You have to place your feet in their shoes to possibly understand what they are going through. It's got to be rough, feeling that way. You had mentioned that your husband was a real 'trooper' through all of that turmoil...then don't be mad at him for becoming angry. He can't help his feelings or his anger when it comes to his anxiety. Your friends should have understood this before he went to the party and they should have been more considerate of his situation. If they knew anything about your fiance' then they should have realized what could have taken place. I realize that this was a dinner party but think about it realistically. If you knew that this type of behavior from your friends could have taken place then you shouldn't have gone in the first place thinking of your fiance'. Consider what he had to go through to sustain his anxiety attack while being at the party. Then the long drive back home, it couldn't have been easy for him. He doesn't owe you an apology it's you that owes him one and your friends for putting him in a situation as that. I'm not trying to be rude but only thinking about what your fiance' went through due to his anxiety. Have a great day and take care.

Answer 5

Your man would have been pissed if it had been an uneventful evening. It sounds like you guys had a good time. Some folks(your man) are just tight wads. I would suggest in the future, leave your man at home. This could also shed some light on things to come in your marriage. He may want to keep you hostage and not socialize with those "losers". I'd be very careful how you handled things from here on out, he (your man) sounds controlling and I can't help but things are going to get worse for you, if they haven't already. You will surly be sad if he is allowed to clip your wings. BE CAREFUL

Answer 6

I think you need to get classier friends. That share the same interests as you and your soon to be husband... I don't blame him for being upset and turned off by the behavior of these friends. He was just voiceing his opinion on the evening.
And having anxiety issue on top of it only makes it worse. I am sure you are well aware of how this group is when alchohol is involved.. Maybe you should have declined the invite and had a quiet evening with your man...

Answer 7

Probably a little bit of both. He's mad because he didn't really want to go in the first place and it turned out as bad as he imagined. You're mad because he's mad. If you go off about it, it will probably just make something that will easily get blown over escelade to something bigger, so watch how you go about it. I don't blame you for being mad either. Like you said, they're your friends and you don't think he should be talking about them that way. Here's my suggestion. I'd bring it up to him calmly and tell him it upset you that he went on and on and that you realize you didn't agree to their behavior, but that's what happens when people get drunk and just because you two don't, doesn't make you any better than them, it just makes you have different preferences. Just tell him it really upset you and that if he was to do something your friends didn't agree with, that you'd hope your friends wouldn't talk about him like he did them. But, you need to remember that they're your friends and your tolerance for them is much higher than his. I somewhat get where he's coming from because I can get very inpatient with drunk people. I get super irritated, but I control it because I know it's what a lot of people like to do, and just because I don't doesn't mean I'm better, ya know? But, he should have a little understanding to other peoples desires and ways of fun, without him thinking he can persecute them!
Good luck....just try to handle is calmly because the last thing you want is for a situation based on all other people to become a huge fight for you two!

Answer 8

First of all, do you know for a fact that he's talked about you in a bad way, and is your source totally reliable??? You know that a pair of lips will say anything and maybe, just maybe someone told you something because they know that you like this person and they want to mess that up for you. Give him the benefit, and talk to him on a personal level to clear this mess up and move on with what could possibly be your dream guy. Good luck

Answer 9

Sorry, your friends sound like they were acting like jerks - which is okay, but you should just let your fiance vent. If he can't let it go, then I would be upset. If his only raving went on last night when you got home, then just forget it and move on. You two have more important things to think about besides your friends' drinking personalities. Good Luck

Answer 10

Well your friends did go off so it probably wasn't a good experience for you fiance. But he did insult your friends so i think you do have a right to be mad but so does he. You should talk to him about the situation and try to work things out.

Good luck!