how do you have a "good" [lovers] argument....?

Question

...ie..... letting off steam, rather than losing your temper.

Answer 1

First, don't put blame on the other person.
Then, make sure you don't use hurtful words.
Tell the person how you feel about what they did, rather then accusing the person of doing something. Example: It really makes me feel bad when you stared at that sexy waitress. Rather then: You need to stop staring at other women.
When you first start the argument, make sure you tell the person that you love him. You can start with "I really love you, but it annoys me when you leave the lights on all the time."
Validate their feelings. Example: I know you are angry with me right now, but let me tell you how I feel about this situation"
Don't raise your voice. Try to talk with your partner as a mature adult. NO NAME CALLING!!!
I use these strategies with my boyfriend, and we never have had an argument.

Answer 2

Don't attack. Discuss - use "I" instead of "You" (i.e. not "you make me feel so n so when so n so" but "I feel so n so when .. ").

Don't argue in anger. If you feel as though you're about to pop with frustration, it's not the time. Give yourself space to cool off and collect your thoughts. Remember, there are always two sides and more than one perspective to any given situation.

Try not to criticize when you're having an argument, it's not the time (constructive or not). Always look for points which can be negotiated, be willing to give - not just ask for what YOU want to have or have happen.

Answer 3

I've found that the best way to talk about things without it turning into a "You vs. Me" argument is to have a couple of margaritas (optional), and hold hands across the table while talking about the issues. Holding hands and making eye contact is important. May sound kinda gay to macho-types, but it's the way to go if you wanna fix a problem, instead of just arguing about it.

Answer 4

It's healthy to let off steam in an arguement, but always STICK TO FACT. Never sling mud or say hateful/hurtful things just because you are mad.....you will NEVER recover from that if you do. Hateful words cut like a knife, and like any wound they will heal eventually, but theres always a scar.

Answer 5

Sitting down and talking before things get too out of hand helps. Don't sweat the small stuff,don't make personal attacks and don't make comparisons to family members,old lovers etc.
It isn't the argument that's so important ;it's how you make up after!

Answer 6

Absolutely NO yelling and the argument makes things better instead of making things worse.

Answer 7

The best way is not to have an arguement but maybe a dissagreement. It is ok not to agree with everything but you dont really have to argue about it. I say stand firm on your point but move on and think of a sweet way to say its ok. Like make their favorite dessert etc.

Answer 8

The best of good arguments include quiet conversation and NO yelling.

Answer 9

Leave the room before exploding... And return after a few hours of relaxing... Gosh... I wish I could do that...

Answer 10

State what is bothering you without digging up every imagined sin of your partner's since time began!