I ask myself this a lot since my wife and I just fight all the time. Where's our common interests...did getting married and all the stuff that comes with it just drain the quality out of it?
Now we could split, but we've given it 4 years, she won't go counselling and has taken her ring off, plus she's quit her job and is going back to her home country for a while. It's a shame lawyers have to be the 3rd person in our relationship!! I just think now...was it all worth it?
2007-08-12 03:37:55 · 25 answers · asked by jonoxk 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is there any chance she would want to settle amicably...I doubt it right now, but I will have to see a lawyer in any case I guess. I need to find out what money she wants to move on...but she may hold out to kick me where it hurts.
2007-08-12 04:10:41 · update #1
After talking tonight she said she will go counsellling but I think this is because she realises the divorce could be for real. She has told me she wants to buy me out so she wants the house and the animals too.
2007-08-12 09:28:33 · update #2
I left my husband after 8 years of a miserable marriage. I'm sure he was just as miserable as I was. I've been single now for over 2 decades, and I really sincerely believe that some people are too much loners, and are not suited to have so much physical and emotional intimacy forced upon them. I am happy being single, and I do not date. I find simple friendships with people of both sexes to be satisfying enough for me.
2007-08-12 03:44:07 · answer #1 · answered by correrafan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fighting all the time is not a good sign. Thankfully you don't have kids.I do know people that I didn't think had a chance of salvaging their relationship that did, but the desire to save it was there.
Divorce is rough but life goes on.
I was friends with my ex for 10 years before dating. Married 13. I would have tried anything. If your mate wants to end it, there's not allot you can do. Get a lawyer and let him (or her), handle it. If it's over then drop the fighting. You guys loved each other. Don't let bitterness drag you down. Wish your ex all the happiness you could want for yourself and get on with your life. You'll be amazed where life will take you if you have the right attitude.
As far as ....was it worth it? You're the only one that can answer that. Do you have good memories? Is there anything you learned from the experience? Don't worry whether it was worth it. Use it to grow!
2007-08-12 11:18:00 · answer #2 · answered by Kitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife has made the choice for you, by taking her ring off and refusing to seek help, the most obvious signal is the fact that she is leaving the country. Maybe thats what the argument is about, maybe she wants you to go with her and you are not prepared to make that move. Maybe in the end the cultural differences you had made you incompatible.
I would seek legal advice to protect you both, but sort out as much as you can between you first, why line a lawyers pockets when you have both worked for the matrimonial wealth?
Good luck in your choicesx
2007-08-12 12:10:59 · answer #3 · answered by Denise H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answer to the first question is no.
No matter how long it took you to find out you were married to the wrong person, it is not too late to end the relationship. And 4 years in not that long. From what you said, she has given up anyway.
To answer your last question, yes it was all worth it. It was a 4-year lesson that you learned from so it will not happen to you again. Don't give up on aliens just because you got one bad apple, but do realize that the culture differences are things that need to be worked out in such a relationship before it leads to marriage.
2007-08-12 10:48:47 · answer #4 · answered by arizona wolfman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We lived together for nine years because we both wanted to 'make sure' we were doing the right thing! Seven years later he decided that he needed to be single and wasn't good at relationships!!
My heart goes out to you. It a horrible situation your in and nothing I can say will make you feel better. Try to avoid solicitors if you can. They sink you into debt and cause more bad feeling. If you have to split do it yourselves amicably if possible. Was it worth it?????? YES. You had good times that one day you will look back on in fondness (yes I know that's hard to believe!) you'll learn by your mistakes and you'll be a stronger person. Honest its trueX I wish you all the luck in the world.
2007-08-12 11:04:40 · answer #5 · answered by KAT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is suited for marriage. It is part of our natural human social structure.
If this does not work out you need to look hard at every step that took you here so you do not repeat the same mistakes.
Many things that we accept as normal behavior are counter productive in the building of a marriage. I don't need to list them. I am sure it wont take much thinking to come up with the list on your own.
But don't give up. You might have made too many mistakes and might not be able to fix this marriage. If that is true (I hope not for you) take your time, self inventory, and avoid the pitfalls that harmed this relationship.
2007-08-12 10:50:22 · answer #6 · answered by djhartmannn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you got into a marriage at a young age. That happens a lot. Your not the only one that goes through that. I went through that after 17yrs of marriage. Thought it was true love but found out it wasn't really love it was just having a guy like the rest of my friends had because they were mostly all married. Need to figure out where you yourself stand before getting involve with another person.
2007-08-12 10:49:44 · answer #7 · answered by military_person 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no... im very happy with my marriage and i couldn't ask for a better husband. he's the BEST husband in the world and i love him dearly!!! yes, we have been together for a longgggg time, like 20 years before we got married. we have been married for like going on 2 years in february. it's been great. we were little kids when we fell in love and it just kept growing all through the years. he was my brother's best friend lol. now they are brother n laws. sooo cute!!! you really have to communicate and it goes both ways. you both have to compromise together and really make it work. it takes two in order to make it worth. it's what you both want out of it together. if she's not willing to compromise then it's time to leave. life is too short to fight. hope everything works out for you. good luck ok.
2007-08-12 10:50:03 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to get Lawyers involved. Just go to city hall and sign the right papers, spare yourselves the heartache... I did. And stop fighting.Yeah divorce sucks, but you can live on your own again and find someone more compatible,,, maybe.
2007-08-12 10:45:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its always worth it
i ve been where you are now and looking back i learnt the most about my fortitude and reserve during adverse times
it cahnged me to be a better person and a more deserving one and now i realised the mistakes that i made that contributed to the demise of the situation
you must put the pain behind you and call on your reserve and learn from the sadness
2007-08-12 13:47:25 · answer #10 · answered by ~*tigger*~ ** 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋