Men's opionions please! My husband doesn't do his share around the house.?

Question

We've been married three years and I love him but it's hard sometimes. I work a full time and a part time job, plus I do almost 100% of the housework (he does his own laundry), I clean the pool, do the yard work and take care of the pets and all the finances and other household business. I try to talk to him about it but he gets mad and says I'm a nag. What am I doing wrong. I know that women agree with me but I am interested in hearing from husbands what they think

Thanks so far to everyone who responded! Here are some details for some who requested. He says that I worked two jobs before we met and that I like working that hard. He is also 13 years older than me and says that he does not have the energy that I have. I tried not doing things to see what would happen. The pool turned green and stained and we had to pay big money to get it fixed. We can't afford any more outside help if I call his bluff. I really don't want a stand off at this point because I want to reach him in a positive way so our marriage can work. That's why I asked for some opinions from some men. He won't open up to me to work it out or go to counseling so I'm hoping other males could give me some insight. I'm afraid he may be lazy and inconsiderate as some have said.

Answer 1

Same old story, and nothing but excuses, as me
being a husband, and retired I still help my wife
dust, iron, cook, vacuum, clean windows, and any
other thing that is needed to maintain a home.
When we both worked and raised our children as
we had four, I also changed diapers, helped bathe
them, and still did all the above , why because
marriage is all about sharing, and even though I
am a man it makes me no less of a man because
I may pick up a broom or a mop, or change
diapers. I am proud to help my wife and I am
proud to be a man that does, so show this to your
husband and let him be mad at me for saying that
any married man that does not want to help out
in the home and do chores is just plain lazy, work-
ing or not. Good luck.

Answer 2

Ready for some blunt words?

Your husband is lazy and useless. He should be ashamed of himself. He does his own laundry? Wow, give him Husband of the Year award. Jeez, what a joke.

Keeping a family, house, yard, chores, job, etc together is the responsibility of BOTH parents. He's failing miserably. Tell him to stand up and not just be a man, but be a decent human being. You need to print out all these answers and show him.

I'm curious, what are his reasons for not doing anything?
What a pathetic waste of a body.

EDIT: Okay, so he's 13 years older? But he can still get around, right? He's not an invalid, right? Then he should STILL help! If he's not willing to help, then pretty soon something has to give. You'll probably have to move into a smaller place since you won't be able to take care of this place, and you can't afford to hire anyone to take care of it. Tell him that, and see how he reacts. He needs to grow up and face facts. Again, show him these answers!

Answer 3

Does your husband maintain the oustside of the home - mow grass, garbage, take care of the cars, etc? My husband and I both work ungodly hours -- he's in road construction so he might work 8 hours (never happens) or he might work 16. I work a full time job, plus run my own business. I also coach cheerleading and we have 4 children. Not to brag - but our house is very clean. Because we have a system of how things get done. Granted - I can count on the hubby to do at least a couple of things inside - but mainly he is responsible for the outside. The kids have their assigned chores to do, and I have a system on how the rest gets done. If I had 2 hours - the house would be tidy. Sounds like the whole family needs to get on board - from the kids to the adults.

Answer 4

You pay the bills? Then start budgeting for some help around the house. If he sees and knows that you need help, but refuses to lift a finger, then hire a pool boy, a weekly house cleaning maid service, and have someone else mow the lawn. When he asks you if you can afford all that help, tell him the truth, that he refuses to help, so you took care of the problem without him. He's not going to help, so you have to solve the problem yourself. You can't force him to pitch in, so if you want the job done, and you've asked him nicely, a specific task, and he doesn't do it, then you either let it go undone (if you can stand it) or you hire someone to do it, or you do it yourself. What other choices do you have?

Answer 5

My relationship is old fashioned. He does all the outside/grunt work (fixing things, yard work, etc) and I take care of the house on the inside.
That being said, even he would help out if I worked 2 jobs. I am also curious to see what other men think of this.

Answer 6

i agree that the husband doesn't need to share house work 50/50. but he has to help. or at least offer to help. if you as a wife cooks, he must be the one who does the dishes. if you mostly take care of the indoor (cleansing windows, vacuum the room, clean the bed linen), he has to mow the lawn, do the finance, fix the car, etc. you should have a serious conversation with him. if he refuses to do so after all the talks, i'm sorry you've married to a selfish guy.

Answer 7

Your obviously the perfect catch dear, two jobs and everything else while he does squat. Maybe I'm odd but I always figured I married a wife not a slave. In our home I figure it's my house too and clean,dust, vacuum, wash dishes and clothes just like she does. Of course some guys aren't happy with anything but a slave {which it sounds like you are} and as long as you allow it to continue, it will. It sounds like he needs to mature a bit. Good luck.

Answer 8

Stop cleaning the pool, and paying the bills, and taking care of the cat box......... and let the lawn go.... he needs to do his share.......... when the bill collectors call, or the neighbors complain about the lawn, he might get off his butt and do something, but then again, he might be the lazy type and doesnt care...... its up to you........ and if it doesnt change, maybe you should think about changing.....as in moving out..

Answer 9

you are married to a selfish guy. I don't know how to wake him up. I do all the outside stuff and help with the inside stuff. She cooks and I do the dishes, I help dust and vaccum so she isn't so worn out.

Hide his remote and tell him if he helps clean he might find it. lol

I am a guy. it's just that my mother made me help clean from the time I was little so i didn't have to make that huge adjustment.

Answer 10

My advice to you as a man, is "cut him off" until he decides to cook and clean and learn to appreciate you more as a wife. Good luck.