Are nights out reasonable?

Question

My wife joined a new company and the new colleagues organised nights out on Fridays. The group consists of both guys and gals which I know little about. She will return home way past midnights. Is this a reasonable outing to do so every friday?

No! not allowed to join as she mentioned the colleagues don't bring partner along

Well, she says she need some private time for herself to relieve stress at work.

Answer 1

I would say NO, it's far from reasonable. You have no idea what this "new company" is about, what they do and anything about them and their doings right? So how could anybody answer this correctly for you. My answer of "NO" is based on the fact that your wife could be upfront with you, tell you about this outing and so on. Doesn't seem like she is your friend either by not sharing this info with you. Sure, there is nothing wrong with spouses doing things without their spouse as long as there is trust and guidelines. I married my wife to spend time with her and she did the same thing. We do have other interests and trust one another. But we are so open and upfront with one another and we each know where the other is and we like it that way. We do not hide anything from one another. Oh, and way past midnight? That is a bit much wouldn't you agree? I think you should have a discussion about this outing thing and let her know how you feel and hopefully she can ease your mind and things will look a whole lot better. You guys need better communication from what I can see.

Answer 2

I do not think that this is reasonable. An occasional night out with friends and colleagues would be acceptable but, I don't think it needs to be until after midnight either. She is a married woman and needs to be with you if there is going to be a night out. If the shoe were on the other foot, would she be happy if you were going out with your colleagues every Friday night. I don't think she would. You need to sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel. If she is a reasonable person, she will understand. I also think that it is a dangerous situation when people get so involved with their friends at work and start spending more time with them than with their partners. Work and pleasure should be separate. It is not a good thing for people to combine the two. I think that some companies would frown on this situation. If spouses are not included, it makes it even worse.

Answer 3

Usually "private time to relieve the stress from work" does not include co-workers with no spouses/partners allowed. Something is rotten in Denmark here. Sorry to say, I think your wife is having or planning on having an affair - hopefully I am wrong, but if I were you, I would be looking for other signs and watching her very closely. As somone above suggested, follow her or have a friend follow her on one of these "nights out." Good luck to you!

Answer 4

Not acceptable....as in, she should offer you the choice of coming along at least once or twice to simply ease your mind. Yes we all need time to unwind, but honestly, most of the time I would prefer to have my hubby along when I unwind than a bunch of people who I barely know...and every Friday? How often do you go out without her? No double standards allowed here....If you explain to her that this just seems like she is placing herself in a situation that works against your marriage and not towards it, and she still refuses to invite you or give up this outing, frankly, I'd either spy on her myself (meaning, find out where they go and show up to see what she's up to) or hire a private detective and find out what's really going on. I can't imagine working for a company that valued marriage and family so little that the invitation would not extend to husbands, wives, etc.

Answer 5

Are you allowed to join? Can you go to wherever they have their nights out and observe the group from a distance? Personally, unless you also get a night out on a regular basis, I would object to this activity happening weekly. Most people who have to look at their colleagues on a daily basis, do not want to look at them at night also. I think the two of you should sit down and discuss why this is so important to her, and if she would be willing to either include you, or keep it down to two nights a month or less.

Answer 6

Every person needs to have time away from their sig others. It actually strengthens your relationship. However, she needs to understand that every Friday is pushing it. Also, if there is a problem with the time she is returning home then you need to discuss that as well. Have you been invited? Do other spouses attend? Are all these other people single? If you have not met these people, that is not cool on your wife's part. You should at least know the people she is socializing with. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I'm very opened minded but even to me going out every Friday with co-workers seems excessive. Maybe she could cut the nights out down to one or two and the two of you could do something special together the other Fridays.

Answer 8

It's totally reasonable, when one of the partners in marriage is having an affair, or trying to set up an affair. Now the women will say you're being too controlling, or that "she's just taking time for herself" but they wouldn't answer the same way if you posted your question as a woman inquiring about your "husband". Try it next time and see how much different the responses will be.

Women in the USA are mostly a product of feminism and day time talk shows. That's who helps them form their opinions

Answer 9

I am trying to work the same situation out with my fiance and its really hard. I would agree with those who said once in a while is okay, but every Friday is a bit strange.

Maybe its not about an affair but more about her feeling claustrophobic for some reason in the relationship? Is everything okay between you guys? Maybe you need to talk to each other or see a good marriage counsellor?

Answer 10

It seems odd. Usually company outings include the spouse and honestly it doesn't mean she HAS to go, right? Friday nights should be for family or at least for the two of you to go out together. It does not seem reasonable to me.