Question: Am I over reacting or what is your opinion? I am 65 and my bride of 14 days is 24. In no ways is it an arranged marriage or other reason. She was friends with and had visited with college friends (she is Chinese and the friends are also Chinese) prior to the marraige. She has talked to them since the marriage and informed them that she had gotten married. Last night, a group of them (2 males and 1 female, a couple and a single male) called at about midnight after we had gone to bed. Just to talk. Yes, they did say to tell me Hi. All conversation is held in Chinese which I do not speak. After pleasantries, the non attached male friend asked for my wife to visit them about 500 miles away. She declined because of drivers license and finances and marriage. The first conversation lasted about 20 minutes, interrupted by call waiting on their end and the second call about 30 minutes. (continued)
2007-08-12 02:35:09 · 18 answers · asked by pocbr 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My contention is that no one should be calling at midnight "just to talk". Any invitation to visit should be to a couple and not just the "female" if there is a marriage involved. She says there is nothing between the un attached male and her and I believe. Getting married puts a new set of responsiblities on each partner as to what is acceptable and not acceptable. Her contention is that "young people" have contacts late at night and there is nothing unusual about the hour. The phone call (unattached male to a married female) is nothing to be worried about. Since neither I nor my wife can control other peoples actions, he can call, but she has a "married responsibility" to put a very quick reduction in time and quanity and nature of calls. Please, comments reflecting male (married and unmarried) points of view, female points of view and foriegn (Chinese cultural) points of view. Thanks
2007-08-12 02:44:35 · update #1
My friend, this is a recipe for disaster, I am afraid. She doesn't seem to have any respect for her husband, and I think you need to lay down some ground rules about what you don't appreciate from her. You are the husband and the head of the family, so take charge and make her understand! Being from a communist country, she should be used to being under the yoke of an authoritarian discipline, anyway.
2007-08-12 02:42:32 · answer #1 · answered by Eric W 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
40 years difference in age and you "expect" everyone to buy this "we married for love" line? You can go on believing it though, I mean, that's the whole point of a mid life crisis. But, I have to tell you when answering your question everyone has a smirk on their faces. The kind of we know something that this guy has no clue about. To tell you the truth I am amazed that this has lasted the full 14 days. These little annoyances that you think is unacceptable is considered normal for a 24 year old girl. They don't go to bed at 8p.m. The fact that it has already started to irritate you sends me the signal that the idea that this was an impulse decision and you are now regretting leaving a perfectly good wife for a 20 day romp in the hay with a 24 year old. It's an uphill battle from here on out dude! Next it will be going out to parties, trying to get you to flirt with her friends so she can legally dump you for cheating, then half your stuff disappears. My advice, get an annulment quick! Hope she has a bad lawyer that won't crucify you.
2007-08-12 02:53:27 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Lord, I know where you are coming from! My husband & a fellow worker went out of state back in Jan & did not return until almost March. Well, when they got back, my Husbands friend would call us at all hours of the night! HE is single, & I guess they had one HELL of a good time while out of town!
Drinking and messing around with some female...3 men and 1 woman !
But this man, "JOHN" would call us while we were making love or right after...and we are talking ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT! Every where from 11 pm to 3 in the morning!
I finally put my foot down & told him to tell JOHN to STOP calling! Our son has school the next day..and for him to call that late is rediculous!
YOU need to do the same! Tell her very nicely, no calls after 10 pm. IF someone calls after 10, do NOT answer it!
Anyway, I do hope this helps.
Blessings
2007-08-12 04:14:52 · answer #3 · answered by Midnight Winter WOLF 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
maybe it was long distance and the person who called did not realize the time???
I think you should let this one go( it isn't thatbig of a deal... all you have to say is freinds should respect times they call)... just ask her friends to call at a more reasonable time.
As for being an oriental woman and input .. I cannot give you advice as I am a Caucasian woman However, you are going to encounter some confrontation and questions and such in your marriage simply due to the fac tof your age difference but I am hoping that you entered the marriage with that understanding
2007-08-12 03:00:38 · answer #4 · answered by cristelle R 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why is this such a problem??? She RECEIVED the call, she did not make it. Just ask her to tell her friends to call at an earlier hour. It is not uncommon for people in their twenties to make calls at that time. Perhaps you may want to learn to speak her language so you would know what the communication actually entails.
2007-08-12 02:49:28 · answer #5 · answered by roppin r 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well i know you hated it they called at midnight but there nothing you can do. Her friends should have some respect that she is not single anymore and now married. Why don't she tells her friends not to call after certain time unless its very important
2007-08-12 02:41:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Have you thought about time zones? It may have been midnight where you were, but their time could have been 11 in the morning. Maybe they did not know what time it was over where you stay.
They do stay 500 miles away...
2007-08-12 02:55:50 · answer #7 · answered by Mami 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
sounds like that is what 24 year olds do! When I was 24 I wasn't in bed but out having fun...... She should have friends and based on their age, midnight is not late to them. Good luck to you.
2007-08-12 02:46:00 · answer #8 · answered by joni 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i know you're jealous and worried since your wife is a lot younger than you're. it really doesn't matter who call or what language the callers speak, you're insecure and jealous that's for sure. i want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong to worry. in fact, if i were you, i would. what's worrying me is that you feel so insecure about your wife-to-be. you don't seem to trust her. and yes, a 41 years age gap is uncommon, oftentimes not recommended. i think you're not overacting, what happens is that you and your future wife are obviously not ready for each other. the whole situation is a bit fishy i'm afraid.
2007-08-12 02:52:02 · answer #9 · answered by babypeanut 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
The guy calling to know when the store get opened.Unfortunately the guy was in the store itself locked up/ that's why he was caling to know when he can come out?
2016-05-20 06:07:48 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋