i was in an abusive marriage. my wife was verbally abusive, slapped me, threw things at me, grabbed me by the throat one time. however in between we were great in bed, she could love me like there was no tomorrow one minute, tell me "i was the love of her life and she'd be devastated if she ever lost me". blah, blah, blah. then after a big fight, left me, already bought a new house within 3 months of leaving, haven't contacted me, is filing all kinds of nasty things about me in court. so why am i having a hard time letting go of an abusive marriage? i did love her to death because she could love me so much in the moment but then she could also call me every name in the book if i didn't do exactly what she wanted me to do. maybe i'm just lonely. maybe not. i tried dating just for some companionship but it didn't seem to work. why do i still miss her? i shouldn't.
2007-08-12 02:14:37 · 9 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a fake post. Women aren't abusive, only men are. This person doesn't think we watch the View, or Oprah, but he can't fool us.
Just look at the statistics pal, women are abusive 0% of the time, and men are abusive 100%. When's the last time you saw a story on the news about an abusive woman, or mother? Except for the mothers who kill their babies, or kids? (they always have a politically correct name for that, ever notice?) It's never called MURDER, it's always called "post partum depression"..or if the kids are over the age of 1 "delay post partum depression" and somehow it's always tied into what some man might have done.
Well anyhew, it's the mans fault and I'll take the two points for answering.
2007-08-12 02:38:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey Survivor !
Your question shows classic abusive spouse syndrome.
“i was in an abusive marriage. my wife was verbally abusive, slapped me, threw things at me, grabbed me by the throat one time. however in between we were great in bed, she could love me like there was no tomorrow one minute, tell me "i was the love of her life and she'd be devastated if she ever lost me". (the word “however” is the real cue word !!)
Dude she was playing a GAME with you, she never did Love you,, She CONTROLED you. Love in marriage IS NOT abuse, slapping, throwing things, assault, etc.. She was only manipulating you with the SEX and “I love you” phrases to keep you from realizing you were being CONTROLED AND MANIPULATED.
In all seriousness, go find a good qualified person to work thru this abuse issue with you. Divorce is hard enough to adjust to when it ends in a “normal” relationship,, in an abusive relationship, it’s a real mess for the person who was abused. Don’t focus on the abusive shrew with the cooch,, she was just using sex to control you. Instead... FOCUS ON YOURSELF, rebuild your self-esteem, self-worth, self-value, etc !!
Hold off on “serious” relationships with other women until you get yourself squared away mentally and emotionally. There are GREAT WOMEN out there waiting to meet a Great guy such as yourself. You owe it both to yourself, and the good woman you will meet to get rid of all this “abuse baggage” you’re carrying now !!
I pity the “next poor guy” who will get all wrapped up with this Abuser with a cooch!!
2007-08-12 10:03:09 · answer #2 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, I have not left my husband yet, but this is where the tables turn, I am in a relationship where I am verbally abused and he throws things but sex is Great! it is like it makes it all better, then next day or two, here it goes again, but I am at my edge with him. To me in this kind of relationship, And I am a woman, you are a man.... but these kind of people that do this to their spouse, are doing this because to keep your self esteem low, to break you down so you know no better, you think this is it, but I really think once you get into a great relationship with someone else, give it time, your going to sit back and think what the hell was I doing with her. I do not think that it is anything that you have done wrong, I feel that I walk on f'n egg shells all the time with him making sure I do not make him mad what kind of life is this, They think doing this to you will make you listen but if they only knew, this should just make you hate her nothing else. It is even hard for me to say, but I am at my edge and I am hating him so much for what he has done to me, I have no slef esteem I have no confindence, no worth, but I know in my heart I do, but it is hard when you think the love of your life is telling you all these bad things. how could he... he/her is to love you, why? is this what life to to be for me, I pray all the time and ask God, am I ever to be happy. My husband tells me that it is not his fault I had a bad child hood, I said no it is not your fault, but you are to treat me like I am a queen, not like a maid, or trash. do what you will and throw me away. The other spouse is to complete you, not destroy you. Get away for a little while, and really think hard on why you feel this way, it is becasue you know no better, you know being in this relationship, I have lost my self I am really not sure who I am anymore, I have been put down pushed down and rubbed in the dirt. And they do that to you, Find your self again, you are worth more then this, any human is.
Good luck to you, my thoughts are with you, I know how you feel, but I am not at your stage yet.
2007-08-12 09:50:44 · answer #3 · answered by Kimberly5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a person misses their abuser they have some problems.
To get to the reason why you'd miss a person who hurt you see a therapist so you won't be in this situation again.
2007-08-12 09:23:38 · answer #4 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look, pull yourself together OK. love always hurt, that's y they call it love sick, but u will recover i did and so did many others. u just have to be strong,and the she was treating u was crazy.u need too really take a look at what u allowed this women to do too u and thank GOD for removing her and all that madness from Ur life so u can live again
2007-08-12 09:58:16 · answer #5 · answered by star 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WAKE UP HERE,..... get the divorce over with oh, if she brought a house and the two of you are still married you might want to to see if half of this is yours, really, check into to this, it varys from state to state.
2007-08-12 09:25:35 · answer #6 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since you love her..... then you should let her do whatever she wants. she will get sicked and tired of doing such a things to you after some times. It is very difficult to explain some of things that had happened.... just take it easy.... to me you are a patient man.
2007-08-12 09:54:26 · answer #7 · answered by Solver 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u miss her because u really do love her. sounds like she's playing games. we don't hurt the people we love on purpose which is what she's doing to you. you will move on eventually when you realize your relationship was a one sided thing.
2007-08-12 09:28:25 · answer #8 · answered by chrissieanne1 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
cause you must have been fudged up...thats why she bitchedzz at you the whole time....STUPD ASSZZ !!!
2007-08-12 09:23:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋