2007-08-11 21:55:50 · 21 answers · asked by misspinkkitten1978 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, it will lead to more heartbreak than you can imagine, eventualy co-dependant behaviour on your part. and find it increasingly difficult to get out of. Anything the partner done that is bad or wrong...usually ends up being justified because "they love me and can't help it cause they are an alcoholic"..You could get lucky and find the partner is a perfect soulmate....but how many alcoholic people do you know that don't make alot of bad decision, that don't get worse, and if nothing else end up with alot of illness and die of liver failute, etc.
If they don't have enough self respect to get in treatment and quit....or care enough about you to do that......why do you want the relationship. I know this may sound selfish, but relationships are hard enough wthout having 2 1/2 strikes against you at the start. There is nothing more tragic than people that love but can't live together for what ever reason. Think about everybody else envolved, you, kids ? there are times to be "selfish" and get the odds in your favor.
2007-08-11 22:10:45 · answer #1 · answered by mysihba 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm an alcoholic, although I haven't drank for seven years now. Whether a partner stays or not will affect a great many things, but it won't make one bit of difference as to whether the person carries on drinking or not. The booze is the important thing.
2007-08-12 05:11:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide what's best for you. I am married to an alcoholic. He's been sober almost 5 years, but the first few years were Hell. Just remember, there is aboslutely NOTHING you can do to make a drunk stop drinking. NOTHING. They may love you to death, but their booze will ALWAYS come first. It is up to them when they decide to clean up their life and put the bottle down and you can't make that decision for them. I left my husband for the sake of our son. It wasn't until after he finally quit drinking that I let him back in our lives. Someone else mentioned Al-Anon. They are a great group and I highly suggest checking them out. They offer support to anyone whose life is or has been affected by an alcoholic.
2007-08-12 08:50:03 · answer #3 · answered by Donna 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm with my alcoholic partner 10 years. I had no experience of alcohol at all...my ex husband didn't drink; my father didn't drink; none of the men I had dated took more than one or two drinks. As I worked at night when I met him, and most of his drinking is done at night, I missed the worst of it in the early days of our relationship.
I fell in love with him because of his kindness and caring. I know now that he has an addiction to alcohol, which of course he will never admit. He says things like " A man is entitled to a drink after a hard day at work."
I work hard too; it wouldn't enter my head to have a drink after work, unless there was an event of some kind...
Against my better judgement, I bought a house with him 5 years ago; we were living in very cramped conditions(we have seven children between us)and needed a bigger house. Fine, but when we moves his two, and three of mine, decided they wanted to stay where they were....and so we didn't need the big house.
Over the years, he has started rows with total strangers; roared at me in the street; broken my daughter's bike, my freezer, and the television, while trying to "fix"them while drunk. His personality changes while drinking. He becomes mouthy, overbearing and agressive. For the most part, he will (conveniently) not recall any of it the next day. He has said the most appalling things to me. Last night, he was giving a neighbour a hard time because the neighbour had knocked to say our dog ahd got loose; I went to the door to persuade him to come in and shut up, and he pushed me.
This morning , he is denying all . He had been drinking. We had a glass of wine with our dinner...then his habit is, to hide bottles of this and that around the house, and go around "tidying" from room to room so that he can drink in whatever room he is in.
At the moment, I am going through one of my occasional phases of "I can't take any more". He is acting like the injured party, and I have no tolerance for him at all.
Why do I stay?
It's partly financial. This house would have to be sold if we split, and I would not be able to afford to buy one alone, although the sale of my home funded the purchase of this one.
It's partly the fact that he is an essentially kind man who cares for me. I have come close to leaving him twice; once just before we moved; and then the day we moved in....he was throwing his weight around "his" house and giving orders to my kids.
I'm in my mid-50s now, and reluctant to start all over again; that's another reason. i have one son left at home now, and I think if he moves out, I will have no reason to stay.
2007-08-12 06:06:52 · answer #4 · answered by marie m 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think I would give them a chance.....to try and heal themselves...meaning get the help they need to be a productive adult.
However if they couldn't move forward and it wasn't getting any better>>.a spiraling sickness going out of control...No I wouldn't stick around.
I would support them however not be pulled down with them.
Hoping this makes sense.
Seen it happen where the cycle hurts all involved.
The person that is the alcoholic can only help themselves and if they don't want it...its like cancer and hurts all involved.
best wishes
2007-08-12 05:41:43 · answer #5 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No. My mother-in-law has stayed with her alcoholic husband as an act of Catholic martyrdom. She keeps him on a short leash and certainly feels that if she would leave ever him, he would drink himself to death in a wink. In my opinion, though, if she had left him, he would have, could have, possibly have had the chance to 'reach bottom' and check himself into rehab, she would have found someone better and her children would have had a better family role model. But as it is now, they feed on each others' misery. She tries hard to keep him under control and he always disappoints her by getting away, getting drunk and occasionally injuring himself in the process. And he's miserable from her nagging and, of course, his unadmitted addiction.
Of course this family atmosphere has also had devastating effects on their children, one of whom is my husband -- soon to be ex-husband. Regrettably, he has taken a lot of this bad baggage into our family now and sees no need to try and fix the situation (after all, his own parents never fixed theirs). I do not want my sons to grow up with this same model, so it's better to end it and start afresh. Hopefully with someone who is responsible and sober.
PS. I would stay in a relationship with an alcoholic who is in recovery / sober. I have a lot of respect for people who can face their problems, admit their weaknesses -- and do something about them. Addiction being a particularly difficult dragon to slay.
2007-08-12 05:26:17 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If my partner was prepared to listen and get the required help necessary,then we would have to seperate for a while whilst he was getting treatment for his problem, and until then he would have to prove to me that he has successfully quit the drink. If I was happy and I saw progress then yes I would give the relationship a chance.
2007-08-12 05:06:26 · answer #7 · answered by honest girl! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having the experience of falling for a girl who went to a.a she made my life turn upside down,when she went back to drinking,she used to steal,hit me and do anything she wanted.and me like a fool put up with her for 3 yrs, then i found out about a group called al-anon this is people who live with alcoholics,and they all help each other.They share there experience,strength,and hope with each other,they also have al-ateen,this is for children of alcoholics.I realy do hope this is usefull to you as it helped me understand a lot more about alcoholism .take care,,,.
2007-08-12 05:12:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as they were sober and maintained a recovery program with a sponsor, then yes, I would stay with them.
Check out an al-anon meeting near you for more information.
2007-08-12 05:54:35 · answer #9 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, because if they are not tryingi to help themselves, they will never change and drag you down with them. I would try to be smarter than to stay on a sinking ship. Unless they quit, I would be out of there, PRONTO - AND TAKE THE KIDS TOO.
2007-08-12 06:47:42 · answer #10 · answered by shardf 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋