I mean I can understand how it would affect them if the affair lead to divorce but if both husband and wife are okay with the other having relations with another and its all kept secret and the marriage is otherwise okay HOW is it a bad thing for the kids?
I am sleeping with someone else besides my husband as he is away with work a lot and I have a high s drive - he has been with other women as well as this is an open marriage - we have no plans to divorce and its very private within the community, soo whats the problem?
2007-08-11 20:47:57 · 11 answers · asked by Goldie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BTW, I see my boyfriend during the day - when the kids are at school so they are not exposed to it al all...
2007-08-11 20:48:56 · update #1
First of all...whether this behavior is "approved" by a spouse or not, it is still adultery and therefore wrong.
Next...don't underestimate what kids do and don't know.
Last...secrets NEVER stay secrets forever, especially when it involves sex. "Very private within the community", won't stay that way. People talk...its just a fact of life.
2007-08-11 21:50:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents got divorced at a very young age, so it didn't really affect me.I've got used to them the way they were. So if you're happy with it, you should have a heart to heart with your children and let them know you're happy, and that they will still see their Dad. I did get upset very often, as my mum and dad both remarried but i got over it.
It upsets Kids not see their parents together like a normal family, so if they are upset it's completley normal. It wouldn't be normal if they acted estatic or over-the-top-happy.
However, i think the affair is causing you more problems. If your children find out they will be more angry, upset and confused than ever. My advice is to choose one of them- the boyfriend or the husband.
2007-08-11 21:00:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if they arent exposed to it now they will be, becuase, like everyone else, you'll get caught eventually. Then the people in the world they are supposed to trust are nothing but slutty liars. Then the family unit splits up, and then the kid hates you until well into their 20's, where they contract a horrible STD from following your example. Even if you and your husband are fine w/ it I bet your kids would be confused on why daddy kisses 3 other people besides mom.
2007-08-11 20:54:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There was an CSI:Las Vegas episode about swinging couples,a couple of years ago. The adults assured Grissom that the kids didn't know about their parents little get-togethers.But of course they did. In fact one of the swinging men was sleeping with his neighbor's 15 year old daughter.The girl caught her *boyfriend* in the hot tub with her mom and she lost it and killed her mother. So the daughter went to prison for killing her mother, the neighbor went to prison for having sex with a minor and everybody found out what the adults were doing. So what do children have to do with affairs? Everything. They look to their parents for guidance and morality (even if it seems like they don't) and they need to know that someone in their lives knows right and wrong behavior, it makes them feel secure. And you must have doubts otherwise you wouldn't have posted your question.Get some counseling with or without your husband and Good Luck and God Bless.
2007-08-11 21:27:35 · answer #4 · answered by Bronte 1512 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"It will all be kept secret" - that's where you're wrong. You may think that there is no way your kids can find out about your affair, but they will. I don't know how old they are at the moment, but it's only a matter of time before they're clued in. And just think what a great role model you will turn out to be then. Is getting your itch scratched really this important to you?
2007-08-11 22:09:34 · answer #5 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its an example that is set in a child's mind. As parents we need to set a foundation a solid one. Children come in play, by those examples, so if they grow up believing that open marriages are the way of life we lose the family values that made us strong and whole and gave US A sense of security.
2007-08-11 21:01:23 · answer #6 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey that's a really interesting question. My first reaction is to say it sends a bad message to your kids about marriage and relationships or something like that. But if they really don't know, and if it's keeping your own marriage happy...if there's not tension over it at home and the kids don't overhear you talking about it...
I guess I can't see what the problem is!
2007-08-11 20:52:12 · answer #7 · answered by Janey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are still committing adultery, even if you and your husband agree to this very bad sin. Children and neighbors know more than you think.
2007-08-11 20:53:19 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
they know , kids all ways know . adult tend to think kids are stupid but they really ain't !!!!!!!! You may think you are hiding it and they will never find out , but trust you are no that smart .
2007-08-11 21:00:57 · answer #9 · answered by TCH 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have no values and morals..and you'll pass that on to your children- what's wrong with that?
2007-08-11 20:51:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋