parents of teens...bebo problem?

Question

a close friend has been concerned recently with her daughters' bebo account. [we live in uk] the pc is in the main room of the house, so she is keeping an eye but has noticed some foul language etc.
she investigated the account and is gobsmacked by some of the content, particularly the 'tag' which says "i'd only kick you out of bed to f*** you on the floor"
the girls is 13.
we know they're full of bravado, but this is excessive and inappropriate.
should my friend terminate the account then tell her daughter, no discussion, tough luck etc?
or sit her down and explain how awful this is and give her a chance to tone down her account profile?
this will be the 2nd time she has done this type of thing.
the parents are hard-working, responsible, kids have to do chores etc, this is not a wild house so do not judge, please just advise, as my friend is torn between clamping down massively, and trying to talk in an adult rational way.as its happened before, i think clamp down, but ...

Answer 1

I am at the end of my teens and I have two sisters, 13 and 11. The 11 year old surprised us all, twice, when she managed to set up a bebo account. She just wasn't quite smart enough to hide it so I found it on both occasions, warned my mam and asked what she thought I should do. I just had a word with her and deleted it both times because even though her's and her friends were harmless the were underage and myself having been on bebo since the beginning knows what kind of stuff is on it. So I sympathise with your friends plight so to speak. My 13 year old sister got a bebo recently but I keep an eye on it.

I think that your friend should sit her daughter down and speak to her about toning it down. She should also make sure that she has set the page to private so it can only be viewed by her personal friends and not strangers. This can be done by going into the my account option on her bebo page.

Although bebo is great when used discerningly and appropriately, young kids don't understand and are naturally inquisitive so where I don't think she should have her bebo terminated just yet I do think she should have it monitored for a few months.

Answer 2

I'm not a parent, but I do have bebo, so I hope you'll still read this!! The language on other people's profiles is nothing the mother can stop, and if she's worried about her child seeing it, she probably hears the same stuff (if not worse) in school. It's unavoidable. As for the stuff on her account, all she's doing is making herself look stupid. When people read that, all they think is 'yeah, okay, sure...you're what? 13? Stupid,' someone in my class used to do the same sort of thing, and her parents terminated her account. She simply got another one just to go against them, and made it ten times worse. Only when someone left a comment saying how stupid she seemed did she tone it down a bit. Maybe you could ask someone to leave a message like that on her account? And also her Mum should talk to her about it and tell her to take the tag off. I agree with Laurey about the sexual predators thing. The mother should make sure that her daughter hasn't put any pictures of herself in her underwear or anything on there (this is surprisingly common), and make sure her profile is set to private. I really don't think terminating it is a good idea. She'll only make another one! I really hope that helps, even though I'm only 15, and not a parent! <3

Answer 3

I don't think the foul language should be the main concern for these parents. If she is a pre-teen/teenage girl, trust me, she hears it all the time anyway at school and around friends.

What they should be aware of are the sexual predators that seem to gravitate towards sites such as this. Make sure the parents are very aware of who she is talking to online -- no strangers! I'm a teenage girl so I know how the teenage girl's mind works...we are very sneaky, and can get away with things right under our parents noses if we really want to...but for the safety of this girl, please make sure her parents monitor her computer usage very closely. It's okay to be "Nazi's" when you're protecting your child like this. My parents are also very protective and monitored what I did on the computer but I still managed to talk to older guys and strangers without their suspicion, and I had no idea how unsafe it was!

I do not know much about the bebo website, but if there is an option to make the account private, for friends only, make sure they do that, and then keep an eye on who the friends are.

Answer 4

I disconnected the internet completely for a few weeks when I found inappropriate stuff in my son's mailbox.

It's on again now, but he can only use it when I'm in the house. I keep changing the password - and he understands that I can look over his shoulder and be able to read what's there - he's 15.
Your friend should allow herself to get annoyed. I told my son at the time that I was disappointed in him, and that I expected better from him... I hadn't brought him up to use that kind of language. Try the adult rational way first; take the modem with her when she's going to work (I did that too).
She's the parent. The internet is a privilege, not a right.

Answer 5

I went on it before to check out what my nieces where up to and it was very similar to your friends daughter.
It's a hard one............. I reckon it's all bravado and if one does it they all answer back the same way, just copying one another. But it's not nice to read that sort of thing coming from kids so young.
I would personally tell the youngster that it was STRIKE TWO, any more of it then i would CLAMP DOWN.
When you think back to when we where younger we didn't have BEBO and all these computer chat rooms so what we got up to and spoke about wasn't for public viewing.
It's a different era now and most of the young ones are at it now.
I would give her agood talking to and then if that doesn't work take BEBO away.

Answer 6

At 13 I would say the parents should pull the plug. And have the discussion as to why, then come to some compromise as to when and how she can use the computer. It'll cause no end of arguments and other problems, but 13 isn't mentally mature enough to deal with the situation she is creating. Talking as an adult and rationally to a 13 year old doesn't work! I've tried! You're the boss, make sure they know it

Answer 7

She should talk to her daughter in an adult way, this is the only way that her daughter will take in what is being said to her! The daughter has to be given the responsibility to choose what she writes on her own bibo page and cannot be held responsible for what other people write! At the end of the day as long as the meanings for some of the bibo statements are explained to the daughter then she should be able to judge whether she wants to associate with these "friends".

Answer 8

Hello! I have a teenage daughter as well and i know what you mean about this bebo and my space!
If they have already spoken to her and she has not done as they ask they need to be very clear of their expectations and the time frame their daughter has to rectify the situation.If she fails to do so then she is too immature to handle it and should have the access taken away.
Here are some rules and guidelines for parents of teens.
(a) Keep the pc where you can watch!
(b) Set the profile to private.
(c) ask their daughter to send out a open letter to all of her contacts informing them that in order to keep her acc it must remain clean~ If her friends do not abide by the rules they need to be dumped from the profile.
(d) Always have the access codes to the profile(password) so they can log on anytime to check up and to change the password should they wish to shut it down!

These kids do not realise the danger they put themselves in with these accounts!
Tell your friends to be parents first friend second in this situation! Their daughters saftey may rely upon it!
Best of luck!
Ariel

Answer 9

Personally i would ban her from the computer...wow at 13 to be using that language is rather shocking...if she did not learn the first time then its time your friend really stood firm...i mean i don't mean to be paranoid but who the hell are these people she is talking to online...sounds to me she is going down a very bad route...you could also get a program installed on the computer that is a key logger and it will give an exact copy of what she is saying online...great esp if she may have given out personal details like where she lives and her mobile number...

Personally though i would ban her from the computer and if there is concerns that she has given her mobile number to a stranger...accidentally lose her phone and see what text messages she receives...all to often kids do stupid things and get in way over their heads...time your friend ruled the roost.

Answer 10

I think she should probably sit her down and tell her to calm it down. I agree it's inappropriate, but by banning the account altogether your friend would actually make it worse - her daughter would simply do it behind her back and start sneaking around perhaps with other things, too. I remember being that age, and things being confiscated just made me lie more and feel like I couldn't tell my parents things.
Your friend should show her daughter how upset/angry she is about the bebo content and tell her to change it. If she doesn't change a thing then yes, ban it.