any good advice... the age old question/situation what should i do?

Question

i have been married for almost a year and we have a 17mo. we have the typical mom stays @ home and father works, which is fine. he is a wonderful husband and father and i appreciates what he does and how hard he works. it's just whenever i ask him to do something to help around the house or with our son, it's almost like he keeps a tally on who has done what to try to get out of doing work. if he changes one poopy diaper and i ask him to do it again later that day it's "but i did it earlier.." or if i ask him to help me clean something around the house he will skirt around the issue or do something easy and non important to avoid doing what really has to be done. if i bring it up he get's so defensive and it turns into an argument. when it comes to matters of the home he doesn't have to do much because if i don't do it it won't get done! he get's time to decompress, but i don't. im constantly working. if he had to do what i did he would be tired! i wish he was more considerate.

Answer 1

I'm not sure what the numbers are but it's true. Ladies who are stay at home moms are always on the clock work doesn't stop. They are always doing something, cleaning, laundry, cooking dinner, washing dishes, grocery shopping, running errands and still taking care of the baby. So if you calculate the hours that you work it's not a 9-5 job. It's a 24 hour job non stop and I didn't even mention getting up at night because babies don't always sleep through the night. What I would do is tell your husband that you would like to have him experience one day in your shoes for one day. I wouldn't do it in an angry way, but in a way that he will be able to appreciate all the things that you do. How I would do this is write down all the things that you do on a daily basis including overnight responsabilites. Then discuss what day would be good for the both of you. Once you establish a day tell him that day you will not be at home make arrangements with a relative or friend and spend the day and night at their house. Of course tell him where you will be but he is not to contact you for any reason but to say hello or if their is an absolute emergency. That means no phone calls on where are the baby wipes, diapers, or any silly questions that he can resolve on his own. Explain to him that the reason that rule applies is because you don't call him for silly questions like that when he is working so he will trully experience your whole work day . Do not bend the rules and then do it. Trust me he will then know what it is to be in your world. Don't forget to include all that pertains to taking care of your baby meaning don't skip all that pertains not just sitting at home watching tv and taking care of the baby. I hope you do this and then let us know how it turns out. Good luck!

Answer 2

On his weekend, take a trip and leave him with the baby. You will only be gone overnight, even if it is to your parents. Make up some excuse and go. When you get back and the place is a mess, tell him he made it, he has to clean it. Then do a something easy or insignificant to act like you helped and leave the rest to him. He might get the message. Then let him know that you need some down time as well where he looks after the baby while you get a long bubble bath or hair done or nails with out the child even if only for an hour or so. He should be able handle this for an hour or so without stressing out. He could even watch a baseball game or a couple of cartoons with him while you decompress.

Answer 3

i'm not one to give advice, but if it were me, i would probably sit him down, and tell him exactly how i was feeling, even if that meant, him getting mad at me for speaking what's on my mind. let him know how it is girl, tell him how hard you work and never get a break, tell him how you appreciate him working and bringing in some money, but how you need some time too, to just relax. and tell him that having a baby shouldn't be a hassle or a argumentative subject all the time, its a bundle of joy, he happy while your baby is still young, just wait till they grow up and become a little brat =] enjoy these moments together

Answer 4

sometimes a man does what e learned form his own growing up. If his mother bent over backwards and pops did what he does, then he sees no harm. Let oit be ...when the propblem gets to big...(the mess) he;ll complain about it, them tell him..."Hey..You said you'd do it..."

Answer 5

Stop doing anything for him, don't cook for him, don't wash his clothes, don't make his lunch. Hire a sitter and go out at least once a week and twice if you can afford it.