I am so vain and shallow can anybody help me over come this??

Question

I met a guy over the net, and we speak everyday all the time on the phone and on messenger and he has the best personality EVER

he is so understainding, he is sooo sexxxy, he is sooo sweet, such a gentleman, romantic, smart, mature, everything personality wise i can ever ask for

and he is filthy rich too.

pretty much perfect, but when he showed me his pictures i couldnt believe it....i couldnt even stand lookin at them...i cried how vain and shallow i was. he was so perfect but he isnt good looking......


please, what should i do how do i get over this?????
he is perfect in every way except his looks...

Answer 1

Depends on what's important to you. Really. And, considering that you met him over the internet, well, how much of what he's told you over the phone are you sure is true? If he's for real, sweet, smart, gentleman, romantic and mature, and that's what you really want, what do the looks matter?
How long have you known him?
It's a question really of just what it more important to you. All of the qualities you mentioned, or how he looks. And if the qualities win, maybe you can, at some point, suggest a change, like hairstyle, etc that might help him improve his looks- if he's okay with you doing that.
If it's true love, they say love conquers all- including someone not looking exactly like you want them to.

Answer 2

You sound a lot like my oldest daughter, who has never been able to form a lasting relationship with men. Like you, she makes looks the number one priority. As a result, she has teamed up with alcoholic men, those that have eating disorders, and abusive men -- all of whom were good looking but had little else to offer. Granted, good looks are the initial attracting factor, but they aren't everything. And sexual attraction wears off in time. What's left? It sounds like you've found a great guy. So what if he isn't handsome? Let me tell you something -- do you really want a guy that all the girls swoon over? Guys like that are so self-assured about their looks, that they may not be faithful to a girlfriend or a wife. Wouldn't you rather have someone you could call your very own? Someone you could trust, and has other redeeming qualities? I think you'll find that men who have nothing more to offer than good looks will be the ones who are vain and shallow. On the other hand, you can still be friends with this guy, and not get too serious right away. And maybe -- just maybe, you'll find someone with good characteristics who is also handsome and faithful! So perhaps you should still play the field until you do. As far as your own character, the fact that you recognize that you're vain, is the first step in overcoming it. But sweetie, I don't really think you're vain. I think you're just young and inexperienced, and haven't learned that just because the package is pretty, doesn't mean that the gift inside is very good, and vice-versa. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

First off, if you're asking this question then you're not all that shallow. Maybe vain, but I don't think that either. It's a simple fact of nature that we want to be physically attracted to our partners and even to our friends to a lesser degree. Some people are more effected by this need for "visual chemistry" than others. I am as well, and I've been in the exact same situation. I think the problem is that you don't really know him. I think if you had time to get to know him in real life, face to face, you would likely grow to find him more attractive to you through his personality. I also believe that the internet does you no favors because you've built him up to be this perfect guy in your mind before you saw him, and some part of your subconscious then imagined him to be gorgeous. Then when you saw him, you were disappointed. You can either give it time and let him know that you want to take things slowly, or you can call it off and kick yourself about it later.

Answer 4

There are many things that can cause one to be physically unappealing. Is he plagued by acne? He could fix that with medications, especially if he's so filthy rich. Same goes for bad teeth and bad hair. What is so unappealing about his appearance? He may be lying through his teeth to you! He may be poor. He may know how to sound romantic. A person's physical appearance is in some ways a superficial thing, but some things are manageable, especially if one has money. It's possible you are picking up on some facet of dishonesty. "Filthy rich" folks have options that we common folk don't have access to. Listen to your intuition. If you truly feel he's honest and just homely, then it's up to you to decide if you can live with that. Don't beat yourself up if you can't...our instincts are to pair up with genetically healthy mates. It's not just details...it's chemistry, too. and if it's not there, it's just not there. Good luck, honey. I'd love to know how this turns out!

Answer 5

I would be a little leary of someone being so perfect. As for his looks that is something else. I have ment people that I thought were really ugly and become friends and later realized they are beautiful. I mean men both men and women.

I would worry about the perfect in every area bit. In my reality no one is that perfect.

Answer 6

remember that you are not perfect, so what gives you the right to ask for perfection? Although physical attraction is important, his personality and the chemistry the two of you has, will take you to a long term relationship if you so desired.... hope you won't miss a chance with who seems to be a good catch.

Answer 7

It appears to me that you liked his personality but not his looks. You can be beautiful on the inside and not good looking on the out side. It seems to me that you are judging him by his looks alone. Not the great person you just describe you cant have it all sometime. You need to take a look at your self because to me your looking on the out side and if is someone that you dint want to be seen with than leave him alone. because he's to perfect for you.