So tired of being harassed?

Question

Before my children and I moved to a different state, my ex husband was constantly harassing me by calling the cops and Children's services, falsely claiming I was not taking care of my children. The judges never found against me on those grounds.

When the kids and I moved away from that state, the harassment stopped, but now that he has moved near us (no more than three blocks away), the harassment has started again.

He's called the cops on us at least twice in one week, claiming to be fearful for the children's welfare. He tried saying that I was starving the kids, locking them in their rooms, all sorts of ridiculous claims that are unsubstantiated. Yeah, my house has been a bit on the messy side, but I've been working full-time while trying to get over a bad sinus cold and bronchitis. So given that, I haven't been in much of a cleaning mood. But now the house is getting back to it's normal lived-in yet livable clean.

Now he's taking me to court.

Claiming that I am locking my children in their room only letting them out to use the toilet, I'm not feeding them but maybe once a day, lying that he doesn't have any contact with them when he calls them AT LEAST five times a week. And he's even trying to keep my boyfriend from being able to take care of them in my absence, without any REAL grounds for it. The kids LOVE him and love spending time with them and he has never hurt them and he takes GREAT care of them.

I don't have a lawyer, can't afford one so don't tell me to get one. Any suggestions on how to nip this in the bud? I live in Oregon, if that helps.

*HonestOpinioner* I explained that to the police the last time they came out. I told them that he did this when we all lived in the other state and I told them what the findings were while there by the agencies. I also told them how his communication is supposed to be, what he's been allowed to have, and that he is starting to pull the same stunts he did before.

We are divorced because of domestic violence. Almost three years I put up with him bullying me, smacking me around, and the like. It was when I was pregnant with my youngest and had to make the choice - my husband and the death of my unborn baby, or myself and my other child and the LIFE of my unborn baby. Ever since I kicked him out he's been doing whatever he can to bully me and harass me.

There is a current parenting plan that was filed in the previous state. BEcause of the distance, he was allowed every other long weekend during the school year, and half of the summer vacation. Since he has moved to Oregon, I have allowed him to have other visits with the children WHEN HE REQUESTS THEM, which is next to never. I don't deny him any sort of visitation IF he asks IF we don't already have plans. He has only asked me TWICE if he could have something above what is allowed for in the parenting plan, and both of those times I allowed it.

Answer 1

When he takes you to court, make sure you document ALL the claims that he's made... going back to when you lived in another state. Get the other Child Agencies to send you their findings that clear you of any wrong doing.

Ask that the court censor your ex and that he be investigated for failing false charges against you in an attempt to harrass you. You don't NEED a lawyer for that, though its often helpful to get them to do the leg work.

For your children's sake, I hope that you follow through with this. Only by having the court slap your ex down will it make him stop. This way, should he file another compliant, you can head it off at the pass, as it were... AND if he should file another complaint, he'll be in contempt of court and might have to pay a fine or even do some time.

Good luck to you!

Answer 2

I'm not a lawyer, and I'm not sure where you can go to get free legal advice. However, you may want to do a web search for it. It may turn up some avenues.

Assuming your story is true, my thoughts on it are as follows:

1. Fight fire with fire. If he is calling the police and making up things, can't you ask that he is charged with filing a false report (particularly since the police have been there and found nothing)?

2. If he his falsely accusing you of these things, and it is impacting your ability to make a living, that is slander. If he wants to take you to court, you could countersue for his slanderous remarks. You may not win, but maybe the threat of a countersuit would get him to back off a little.

3. I would assume there is a reason that he is acting like this. These actions seem symptomatic of a problem. Try to address the problem itself (maybe he feels he doesn't see his kids enough, and is lashing out in this way). Maybe if you can resolve the underlying problem, the harassment will go away.

Answer 3

I agree with a few of the others answers here take him to court get a court order against him to keep him away from you. This guy is a nut case and you all ready know this. Get a lawyer and tell this person what is going on here and try to get it to stop, go to the police station and or have them come to where you live and have the officer file some paper work on him he's harassing you. Don't be afraid to do this, what is taking you so long to do this?????

Answer 4

The next time he calls the cops, and they come over -- ask them whether you can file charges on him. Surely by now if there is a pattern they are aware of it. They may be glad to assist you.

You also need to work with him on a regular visitation schedule. Unless there is some legal document to the contrary, he is allowed visitation with his children, not just phone calls.

Keep your nose extra clean (i.e. don't do anything that your grandmother wouldn't have done) and be extra careful -- even the littlest thing could be taken poorly.

Finally, contact an attorney. Check out and see if there is one who perhaps just passed the bar exam (perhaps call your state bar -- look them up on www.abanet.org) and see if you can get one that doesn't charge as much.

Answer 5

Well can you tape these phone calls when he says all this? Then you you can tell social services and they will vist him tell him he could be charge for wasting their time. Or have him reported for harassment. Say your living in fear. He sounds like he a bully. But you have to stand up to him. Stop running from states to states, that way he know he has control over you. Other things you could do is find out about his past. Example drug taking etc and use it against him. You have to get something to have over him. This way he know your not bluffing

Answer 6

To be honest if he's just making these claims and nothings coming of them, then you really have nothing to worry about. If you can't afford a lawyer the best thing to do to protect yourself if to continue to provide a great life for your kids. This way they won't be taken away and he can say whatever he wants. eventually childrens services will just stop bugging you and go after him. Trust me the cops will gete sick of him making accusation and eventually everyone will just go after him.

Answer 7

Why don't you take him to court on ground of harrassment and abusing the system. I have seen this done before...contact a lawyer that offers a free consultation and find out what you can do.

Answer 8

sounds like hes desperately trying to get the kids away from you or just trying to make you look bad, you should have went to the cops and explained to them that hes making all these false accuses against you and that even though you've moved, he found/followed you and is harassing you again.

Answer 9

Hello,
My name is Caroline. I am writing you from The Steve Wilkos Show at NBC Universal in Chicago. This talk show was created to help people with serious problems and we can help you with your ex. I would like to fly you and him out to Chicago, all expenses paid. You can confront him here with Steve to support you, and we will provide counseling for anyone who needs it in after the show in your hometown. Please call me toll free at 877-836-3405.