I can't stop the affair!! What to do?

Question

I have been married for 7 years. Three months ago I met a beautiful woman.....anyway we are having an affair.!!
I have 2 kids and I am worried about them.
But Iove this other woman!!! What can I do?

Answer 1

You don't love this person, you love the excitement this person brings to your life.

Stop and think about what you are doing. You probably have a great wife and wonderful kids.

End the stupidity. Its not worth it.

Answer 2

I would go talk with a counselor and find out where all this will take you. You say you can't stop this affair so you need to find out why this is if you want to keep your family. Sometimes because of lust a person can't see the forest for the trees. When someone doesn't share your everyday life with you often things appear more than they are. They don't tend to your children they don't share the bills and nothing of the real world has entered in. It's only about the two of you possibly making something out of nothing at all? I would stop seeing this woman and deal with the problems going on at home. Only when you find that you truly want to end the marriage and leave your wife should you even consider starting a new relationship with someone else. You owe at least this much to the mother of your children and a seven year relationship than to think of someone you've only been in an affair with for 3 months. Often the grass isn't always greener on the other side because eventually the other woman has another side of her in the real world. take care and good luck to you.

Answer 3

Paul, you're in a difficult situation. Your new "love" is exciting and your home life is obligation and responsibility. Unfortunately, there's no future for you with the new woman you've met. First, your new affair doesn't have the overhead of responsibilities and obligations of your marriage. Nor does it have years invested that your marriage has. No long-term relationship can compete with the excitement of a new relationship. But, Paul, in a few years, this new "love" will be right back where you are with your current wife. Except it will be worse. It will be a relationship built on a bad foundation. You'll try to find a way to explain it to people to hide how things really started - and, you'll live in fear that they found out how it really started. Also, if you DO get a divorce, you'll be saddled with huge child support payments and periodic visitation. Your new "love" may not find this so attractive. In fact, she may simply hate the fact that you have to send so much money over to the ex-wife. If the new "love" bails on you, you're really in a pickle. You are forced to either lie to women you want to date (and hope they don't discover the truth about your past) or tell them the truth and hope that somehow they'll believe that, although you've cheated in the past, it won't happen again. It's just a lose - lose - lose - lose.

So, what to do now? Well, you can't change what you've done. You do get to choose your next move(s). Your best option is to break things off with your affair. Tell her you need to talk to her. Tell her that you won't pursue things with her any further - you've realized it was wrong and things are now ending. Keep it short and sweet - don't offer any hope for anything in the future - just cut it off and run. Never talk to her again. Don't return her calls. Don't respond to emails or text messages. Don't cave in to threats that she will tell your wife. Just end it. Then, get counseling. Tell your wife you're going through some hard times now and you'd like to talk to a professional - alone. Then, get help from a pro. This will all be tough but it will work out for you - IF - you do the right thing from this point on. Good luck!

Answer 4

Its not that you cant stop the affair, you dont want to. I guess the only way you can really sort this out is to think about how your life would be without this woman in it. Would your wife be enough? As much as you love your kids, they will adapt if you decide to leave. Loving another woman and being "stuck" in a marriage would be causing everyone a lot of stress. Your wife probably suspects something anyway because your attitude would have changed. You have to decide where you want to be and act on it. You are not living honestly and having an affair is not the answer. Start living honestly and decide in your head where you really want to be.

Answer 5

Well.
If you have feelings for this new women, you should have from the begining filed a divorce with your wife.
Ask yourself..
Who would you rather be with?
Who are you happier with?
Who makes you smile more?
Who will always be there for you?
Who's most loyal?
If you go with the women you're having an affair with..think about it. She's sly and heartless enough to go along with having an affair with you, she knows she's letting you betray your wife and kids..Don't you think she might, possibly do that with another man, or even have an affair on you!?
She could have stopped, and say no, you can't do this to your family, but instead she didn't do anything about it.
Tell your wife..be a husband to your word from the vow and oath you said the day you got married. She trusts you, so atleast you can come forth.

..Just tell the women, i'm sorry. i can't. I have two kids, that i love. I have a wife, that's always been there for me.
Looks aren't everything. =/
You know what to do. Do it, nothing's going to happen unless you do it. You started something, you can finish it.
What you do now, makes your future! Remember that.
Do what's right,
xx
P.S. and for your kids!
Not to sound cold..But you don't deserve your wife.
Not just you, but every other disloyal husband and wife.
It's not hard to say no, it's tons harder to cover up, and a million more times harder to recover the damage.

Answer 6

You should have thought of that before you started your affair. You not only ruined your own life but the lives of you WIFE and CHILDREN. I don't mean to be harsh but if more people were less selfish about these things life would be so much better for everyone. First you should dump the woman your seeing on the side and stop lying to her also. At least she knew you were married when she went into "the relationship" with you. Your wife took VOWS with you. Hopefully if you tell your wife and take responsibility for you actions you may get a second chance. It will be hell but if you are really sorry and want to fix it, it all will be worth it.

Answer 7

You have the choice to change the situation. My husband did the same thing as you but said he continued with the affair because he was afraid it would hurt me if I knew and she wouldn't let him go. We are trying to work through it, but what I can tell you is it leaves you a legacy of lies and everything is considered suspect. Working late? Really? Need some time alone? Why? What took so long for the errand you just ran? See.....nothing will be simple again. I've tried hard to forgive my husband, but some indiscretions are just too hard to move past...and I think about divorce just about every day even though it happened 2+ years ago.

Don't make the mistakes he made. I found out because the "other woman" called me, not because my husband had backbone enough to tell me. I do think, though, that's one of the things that bothers me the most. Have a backbone and step up to your responsibilities. Your wife deserves that respect and your kids deserve that role-model.

Lastly, ask yourself, if you were out and saw her with another man, would you be understanding? Or would you want to take your children and keep them as far from her as possible? And, if that is your reaction, why should hers be any less?

Face up to the decisions you've already made.

Answer 8

I do hope that you were not expecting many positive responses. This is how it is #1 you are not worried about your kids nor do you love them, because if you did you would not be putting them in such an embarrassing situation. You would have put your children first above all others. Your worry is that you are going to get caught, and yes, you will get caught. I feel sorry for your children, because all they really want is a mother and father who love them, and they obviously only have one. You probably do need to go ahead and file for a divorce so that your wife and children can move on, and so that your wife can find them a father figure that is much better than you. You are not only cheating on your wife, but you are cheating on your children. If you did love them...you would have never done this to them. And you other woman has absolutely no respect for your children, or the fact that what the 2 of you are doing will rip their hearts out. You children deserve a better father than you will ever be.

Answer 9

You have 2 choices, stop the affair or get a divorce. If you are happy with the affair and love this woman then you should probably get the divorce. It will hurt your kids more to live in a house where the parents aren't happy then it would for you guys to separate. But soon you are going to get caught and it will make things alot worse if you don't tell her.

Answer 10

You have two choices:

Leave your wife, file for divorce and then start with this other woman. Be prepared, your wife is going to be very hurt and it's not going to be easy. It's cruel to your wife to keep her living a lie. Tell her and let her decide if she wants you out or not.

If you stay in your marriage, then stop all contact with this woman and commit to your marriage. Seek some counseling for yourself and marriage counseling to help heal your marriage. It's not fair to this other woman to have to live in the shadows of your marriage. It will only prolong the other woman's pain if you keep stringing her along and keep her from moving forward with her life with someone who will commit themselves completely to her.

Don't say you "can't stop the affair". You are an adult and no one is forcing you to do anything.

Being the cakeman and continuing the affair while you remain with your wife is CRUEL to both of these women. Everyone is getting hurt by your self centered actions.

Answer 11

If your in love with the other woman then you obviously don't love your wife anymore. Do yourself and your wife a favor and man-up! Admitting to it and filing for divorce will be better than what your wife may do if she 'catches you in the act'. A friend of my husbands thought that he could keep up the charade with his affair, against our advice. He got caught though and his wife took him for everything he had, and rightfully so. He screwed her over by going against his marraige vows so she screwed him by taking the house, car, and the kid. She also was granted a ludicris amount of child support, and all because he didn't want to be a man and tell his wife he didn't love her anymore. You see, it's not that you can't end the affair. You either don't want to, or you are to much of a pussy!