I don't know the reason why (and i'm not having an affair)...I just don't feel in the 'mood' anymore....He's causing loads of trouble over it and is convinced i'm up to something> How do i deal with his aggressive attitude? I've just faked it for the past few months as i knew he'd be angry if he thought i didn't want to do it. help!
2007-08-11 12:51:44 · 33 answers · asked by Susie2 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Cantno...ok to add a few more details..Thanks everyone so far...
sex has always been 'average' i'm in my thirties, i keep mysel fit and in shape...hubby doesn't or even cares to, gets angry when i ask him to come to the gym with me..tells me to take him as i find him
2007-08-11 13:12:59 · update #1
You can't just stop doing something like sex which is a healthy part of a marriage and expect your husband not to care. You need to explore it further with a counselor - you owe it to yourself and him.
2007-08-11 12:56:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend has done the same thing from the get go. I thought it might disappear after he realized I was not the type to do those kinds of things, but it never did. I've constantly been told that the blinds had to be shut on the house because if they weren't i was flaunting around for the neighbor. If someone waved at me at the stop sign that was male, I was doing something with them. Honestly, your friend needs to realize that her husband will not change. He has some insecurity that makes him feel like no matter what anyone he is with will be unfaithful. I tried reassuring mine time and time again and he never let it go. It only got worse. The longer she allows him to treat her this way the worse the verbal abuse will become and the more her self esteem will deminish. If she values herself as a strong woman, she will understand that she can't fix him and his problem and she'll never live a good life feeling happy with him. I wish her lots of luck. There are others who have been through the same thing and understand completely.
2016-05-20 01:01:40 · answer #2 · answered by neva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've "gone off" sex? What does that mean?
If it means that your husband is just supposed to "go off" sex along with you, you have some very unrealistic expectations.
It would appear that your change in moods was rather sudden. If you don't communicate these developments to your spouse, of course he is going to wonder what the heck is going on.
Your biggest problem is not sex. I see two problems: 1) a tendency on your part to be a little too self-absorbed and insensitive to the needs of your spouse, and 2) an obvious lack of communication between the two of you.
For some couples, sex is a HUGE issue. For others, it's not. I would suggest that since you describe your husband's behavior as "aggressive", you start to take sex seriously and work to close the gap that is growing between you. Your marriage is headed for very difficult times if you don't. And, if you remain indifferent about it, it will be even worse.
If you can't make any headway with talking about it and making sacrifices for each other, definitely find a competent marriage counselor.
2007-08-11 13:03:39 · answer #3 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Providing you have not had some life change that has caused you to feel insecure about yourself in someway, It sounds like he may have done something that has wounded you emotionally, and you don't want to deal with it outloud and you are internalizing it -- or it's coming out in a different way.
Eitherway, at some point you must deal with the underlying issues of why you are feeling this way about the subject.
Because you are married and this is an expectation and responsibility of marriage.
2007-08-11 13:19:35 · answer #4 · answered by LadyB!™ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a good sexual relationship is very important in a marriage. You should recognize this and go see your doctor. Tell your doctor that your sex drive has decreased. Sometimes there are very treatable medical reasons for this. Sometimes the reason is mental or emotional. If there is not obvious medical problem, then I suggest talking to a marriage counselor or sex therapist.
Do not take this lightly. It is too important to ignore. Your husband has a reason to be upset. He didn't marry you to be your roommate or friend. He wants to be your husband. Go get help and keep your marriage together.
2007-08-11 12:58:18 · answer #5 · answered by Ken 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well....people are conditioned to look for the 'obvious' reasons. Your reason, tho valid and true isn't the norm. So you should be able to understand his frustration and suspicion.
Unless you DO something about this it's just going to get worse. Obviously either what, or how you're telling him isn't working.
I think it's time for counseling. You best go find one and you both need to go so he knows you are serious and NOT having an affair.
2007-08-11 15:05:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sex is a big part of being in a relationship. I don't know your reason for not wanting, maybe it's depression, but you have to think about how that makes him feel. I think any man that was married would think his wife was cheating on him if she refused sex all the time. Maybe you two need to talk about it and come up with a plan.
2007-08-11 12:58:45 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation as your hubby, but I don't give the wifey a hard time. I am the one who stays in shape and she doesn't, but that doesn't matter that much. I do tell her how frustrating it is, and I've tried to get her to find out why her drive is gone. It is not normal for a lady in her 30s to NEVER want intamicy. I hope this helps.
2007-08-11 14:01:07 · answer #8 · answered by LonelyMarriedGuy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just tell him that you just don't feel in the mood to have sex with him and maybe the both of you should go to a sex store and get some sex toys to help try to get you in the mood again i hope my advice helps you
2007-08-11 13:11:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you explained to him that you have lost your sex drive? He is wrong for accusing you of cheating and someday he will wise up. Now that being said you have to realize a person who is suddenly pushed away will question what is going on. I would suggest some good couple's therapy and maybe you should see a doctor to figure out what has happened with your drive as well.
2007-08-11 12:57:59 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had this (the not bother about sex thing) I don't know what causes it it just happened. Tell him to read my answer and see that sometimes women and men probably just don't want sex and it doesn't mean they are having an affair.
2007-08-11 12:56:53 · answer #11 · answered by cleocat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋