Serious life choice at the age of 22?

Question

Hi all,

This is my first question on YahooAnswers please help me out in any way you can.

I'm 22 years old and live in N.Ireland. I've been broken up with my girlfriend now 3 years after telling her I was gay. I'm a masculine fella and Christian so it's been a little difficult for me to adjust - as I'm hoping it's been for many other people (that may sound bad lol but I need the advice from them!)

I have gone out with a few fellas. Most unlike myself and only wanting sex, which ok every relationship might need.

Last week I made a decision - to stay celibate for the rest of my life. I know it'll be difficult and I'm worried about my young life passing me by and ending up an old man on my own and wanting someone when it's too late.

All I want in life is peace.. I don't really need sex.. I have a nice family, a few good friends and I'm a workaholic.

What's your opinion on my decision? Has anyone ever made the same choice?

Any help really appreciated.
Cheers.

Answer 1

I'm kind of confused by your rationale here. You claim to be a "Christian", and yet, you reject the possibility of sex with a woman within the sanctity of holy matrimony. You would prefer to remain celibate for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, rather than to have sex in the way God himself intended??!? Doesn't make much sense to me!

Answer 2

Hi, nice fella. Yeah, that is a bit heavy.

I split up with my ex 4 1/2 years ago and kinda fallen into the celibacy way of things because I am tired of meeting people who only want a quick s**g and be done with.

I really hoped that there would be someone with a bit more depth to their personality but I'm afraid they are few and far between.

Unlike you, I havn't 'chosen' to be celibate, it's just the way things have turned out for me. Not that I mind because I have a good and supportive family and am also a workaholic. My work gives me so much when there is so little else, a sense of purpose.

One concern I have for you is; dont't you think you are young to be making such far reaching decisions? Might you beat yourself up (figure of speech) if you find yourself unable to fulfill your promise to yourself?

Yeah, by all means enjoy your life, enjoy you but don't deny your physical needs.I'm sure someone will come your way sooner rather than later.

Take good care.xx

Answer 3

I'm 22 and in California. I have yet to have sex with another guy. You're right, there are too many guys who just want sex. I want a relationship. I was going to remain celibate until I met a special guy. Well, I have my first boyfriend and we have been dating for almost 5 months and still have not had sex. We have played around but its our relationship that's more important. We are developing that first. I was very lucky to find this guy. He is pretty much everything I thought I wanted in another guy. Physically, emotionally, intellectually. He makes me happy. But I am also very scared. I want it to last and afraid that it won't. But I am glad that I made the decision about the sex thing. Its helped to keep the focus on the relationship. I think the same thing can happen for you. Its best not to think that you're giving up anything. Just tell yourself that you are waiting for the right guy and the right time. In the meantime, work, hang with family and friends and learn to enjoy life without sex being the focus. Its ok.

Answer 4

My opinion is that you must do what you think is best for YOU. Keep in mind that you are only 22 and you've a long life ahead of you (hopefully). You will meet many people and many gay men. Some will be total bastards and others will be worthy of you. Make your decision to be celibate now if you wish to, but it does not have to be a lifetime call.

You never know what is just around the corner in life and there will be many surprises. Remember, there are others with the same standards and expectations as you, so you're not alone and maybe one day, you will find someone who wants the same things as you do.

Answer 5

I believe in total freewill so if it is what you want to do then do it. But, since you haven't had a life yet it is not wise to make such a life long commitment.
Take it in stages, commit for 6 months then review the situation after each 6 months.
Also stop being a workaholic and become a friendaholic or a funaholic. Go out and join lots of clubs or activities, make new friends both male and females and let life work its magic.
Don't make conditions, just let life flow through you and around you. Being a workaholic means you are shutting out life, enjoy whatever life brings and open yourself up to it, yes sometimes it hurts, but at other times it is fantastic and worth the risk. Peace is great, but it gets really boring after awhile. Have fun and pleasure purely for the sake of fun and pleasure, they are God given gifts, use them.
Whatever you do the best of luck for the future.

Answer 6

Okay, this might sound a bit stupid coming from a fifteen year old, but here goes:
Sex is a natural desire. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and something to be cherised and enjoyed.
I think that you feel this way, because all the men that you have met only want sex, so you don't see it as something special, you see it as just something that you have done, and it doesn't really matter a great deal to you, because in the past, with other men, sex has been only about the enjoyment and not about proper love, as it should be. I, as I am sure alot of other gay men are, am not just all about sex. You will find people like that, who are just about sex, but to be honest, they're really not worth bothering about. You just haven't found someone decent yet, and that's alright. You Will.
Try dating men again, but do not give into their demands for sex, and just let it take its course. Make up a rule for yourself, like: "I will only have sex with someone once i am sure that i love them, and definately not until atleast the fifth date" or something like that. Stick to Your Guns. You don't have to give up sex, or love, but just take your time, so when it does happen, when you next have sex, it will be with someone that you love and cherish, and that loves and cherishes you back.
I hope that helped you mate :)
Good Luck finding that special someone.
Anybody would be lucky to have you.

-James-

Answer 7

I admire your ability to make such a dramatic decision. I couldn't do that. I don't understand your choice completely, but I certainly respect your decision.

I would caution one thing though. You may want to remind yourself that just like you have decided to remain celibate for now, you CAN change your mind at any time. (including tommorrow). You could stumble across someone next week who is a wonderful man. Don't let todays decision wreck tommorrow's happiness. You're awfully young. It would be a shame to pass on happiness (should it come along).

Good Luck. One other thing pal, remember that many times, true love happens along when you expect it the very least.

Answer 8

You are only 22. This is your choice of the moment after recent experience. Next month you may make another decision based on how you feel or who you meet.

In some ways it's a good decision, because most people seem to meet the love of their life when they are not looking for anyone. Life is funny like that.

Personally I wouldn't bring religion into this emotional mix, it's hard enough to sort out one's emotional life without throwing in Bullshit on top.

Hope you find what you're looking for...

Answer 9

How about this:

Instead of the lifelong commitment to celibacy, choose not to engage in sex without meaning.

What I have told younger gay men as the best advice I can give (and was given to me) is: It is okay to give your heart away, but only a little at a time.

It is obvious that you need at least a break, and I truly understand that. I took a break years ago to work on me, and to not go looking for the next lay. It was the best thing I've ever done. I renewed myself, and along the way, I wound up in a wonderful relationship . That relationship did not last a lifetime as I thought it would, but it was genuine and deeply fulfilling.

Whatever you do, good luck to you and best wishes.

Answer 10

This is a very difficult and hurtful situation. I have seen this happen quite often in Christian families (a family member come out that he's gay and the family doesn't know how to react). And now, it's not just about your brother, but the fact that you didn't let your family know. Here's whats happening. Your family has been "set" in their beliefs for such a long time (and I'm sure they believe homosexuality is a sin), that their emotions are everywhere. I'm sure their thinking "My son is sinning against God how are we going to handle this so "we" don't go to hell." So, they are taking their emotions out on anyone they can and it's much easier to blame you. Here's what you can do. Let your father and family know that they are entitled to their beliefs, just as you and your brother are. Tell them that you are sorry that they feel that way about you, but you don't believe you did anything wrong. Your brother did the right thing by being honest with who he is and that is to be respected. The problem is not with you or your brother, but with your parent's behavior. Stand up for yourself and don't take your parent's behavior personal. You did the right thing by being there for your brother.

Answer 11

I think that's awesome, and celibacy is hard for anyone, because of how rare it is. But you're young. I think celibacy might be a good idea for a while, but don't be determined to stick with it. Actually, one of my best friends is gay and was a virgin until 23, I believe. It was really tough for him, but he's in a good relationship now (at 26), and rarely regrets any past decisions.

Try to live without stressing about relationships. Focus on life and work, and if something comes along that seems genuine, don't push it away. If you can do that, I'd applaud you.