I have a 17 yr. old daughter and a 17 yr. old grandaughter who has been here 8 months. The grandaughter has mild learning disabilites the daughter is in honor classes. The grandaughter has had problems with drinkng and drugs in the past and was sexually active. The daughter has not had those same problems and has a boyfriend of 18 months. The grandaughter has anger control issues and a potty mouth when she is angry. I am stricter on the grandaughter and she has to have boyfriends to the house and inspected before she goes off. We did spebd over $500 for her to go the prom...but naturally we are accused of favoritism all the time. But they are different. At 17 when they ask for an explanation it seems proper to answer them.
2007-08-11 12:05:20 · 11 answers · asked by Southern Comfort 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Of course that is a difficult situation and everybody may not be satisfied with everything you do. The granddaughter sounds like she has more than earned her restrictions to her private life by disrespecting you and your rules. It sounds like you have taken her in out of the kindness of your heart so there is no reason you need to apologize for how you do things. Your daughter may also feel sometimes like she gets less attention, but she needs to appreciate that your granddaughter has special problems she does not have to deal with it.
FYI, to state the obvious, you need to get your granddaughter on birth control so you don't have a great granddaughter's mouth to feed too! Best and God bless, David.
2007-08-12 04:17:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like maybe you shouldn't try to treat them the same. They are two very different young women with different life experiences. You are right that you can't treat them the same, and I agree that it is tough to answer those kind of questions. They need to be told that they are loved equally, and are worthy of that love regardless of good or poor behavior. However, things and privileges are rewarded on behaviors. Individual discussions in regards to goals and attitudes (and how they are related) with both the granddaughter and daughter are important. Good luck!
2007-08-11 12:13:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth. Your daughter has earned freedom by showing that she is responsible and has stayed out of trouble. Work out a contract with your granddaughter where she can earn more freedom. After all, she will be 18 very soon and legally allowed to move out of your house and be on her own.
2007-08-11 12:12:44 · answer #3 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your granddaughter needs to learn that if she wants to have the same freedoms as your daughter that she needs to conduct herself like a lady, not a streetwalker. Your daughter should not have to suffer just because her aunt can't control herself. My step-daughter has mild learnind disabilities too, but she doesn't act like that. She just got married recently at age 22 and was still a virgin. You just need to tell her that because of her behavior that she cannot do as she pleases.
2007-08-11 12:13:24 · answer #4 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow that's a really sticky situation.
Just explain that the most responsible one gets the most favorable treatment because you don't have to worry about her. Tell the irresponsible granddaughter that if she straightened her act up then maybe you could trust her more, and she would get more privileges. This may be incentive enough for her to straighten up and fly right.
2007-08-11 12:11:02 · answer #5 · answered by shooting_star_burst25 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just tell her: Until I can earn your trust back I have to be weary of your actions. My daughter has my trust already by EARNING IT. since your past isn't quite clean this is how it is going to be. Once I fully trust you, which could be very soon, you will not be inspected and I won't be as strict.
I think that is a good speech.
2007-08-11 12:14:43 · answer #6 · answered by Oh la la! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very simple. When your granddaughter has shown you she is able to accept more freedom she will get it. Set up a behavior chart and let her earn privileges. Set up consequences for unacceptable behavior and stick to them. Your expectations in terms of school should be based on what she is capable of and there should be rewards for improvement.
2007-08-11 12:13:21 · answer #7 · answered by EC Expert 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi, i'm 17 and try to tell ur duaghter that u have to give some extra personal help to ur granddaughter. She'll understand but try to treat them the same as each other. We do feel left out sumtimes just cos we're not 18!
2007-08-11 12:12:07 · answer #8 · answered by Cornish_Angel 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Tell your granddaughter that she is perfectly capable of EARNING your trust, like your daughter did. And tell her that as soon as she does EARN your trust, she will be treated like she is trusted, just like your daughter.
2007-08-11 12:11:43 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa A 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
okay so what is the question? I think since they are two different people you should treat them like they are two different people. Would you treat your cat like your dog or you uncle like your dad?
2007-08-11 12:11:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋