We have been married 4 years and separated for 3 of them. He told me he wanted a divorce 3 years ago and still hasn't filed. He still tells me he loves me and still spends time with me, but wants to be alone more often than together. I don't want a divorce, but think that is the only way to get him to see I have had enough. I need some suggestions on what to do. I am still in love with him and still want to be with him.
2007-08-11 12:03:55 · 13 answers · asked by batty76117@sbcglobal.net 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been married 4 years and separated for 3 of them. He told me he wanted a divorce 3 years ago and still hasn't filed. He still tells me he loves me and still spends time with me, but wants to be alone more often than together. I don't want a divorce, but think that is the only way to get him to see I have had enough. I need some suggestions on what to do. I am still in love with him and still want to be with him. We do have a 3 year old son that is also involved in this. When I say that he doesn't want to spend time with me, he also doesn't really spend time with our son either.
2007-08-11 12:33:27 · update #1
You need to file for the divorce.. get this marriage past you and move on with your life.
Seems you're looking at the steps of filing for a divorce as a ploy or game in order to get him to react as you are hoping he'll react like.
He doesn't "love" you anymore as a husband is supposed to Love his wife. Divorcing isn't going to change that.
Just from reading the little that you wrote, it seems that he's an introvert who cannot truly give in a relationship. He realised that and wants out. He's also not self motivated and THAT is the reason he didnt' file for the divorce. He sees no hurry to do it because he has no reason to. He sees you whenever he wants but is still free to live his life as HE wants to. He doesn't concern himself with his "family" as it were and he doesn't like responsibility. He can have women when he wants them.. cheap ones are a dime a dozen and marriage is probably something he will never do again.
If you are smart.. you'll start the divorce proceedings and move on with your life. IF you're waiting on him to "change", then YOU are going to be a very very lonely soul for the rest of your life.
2007-08-11 12:16:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him. YOU do it. He's trying to have his cake and eat it too. That's not fair to you. If you've already been separated for 3 years this should not be a terribly difficult divorce.
Live your life. Find someone who values you and wants to spend their time with you. You're worth more than this, regardless of how much you think you love this man.
To be brutally honest, it sounds like the same co-dependent "love" I was dealing with for years in my own marriage. It didn't take long, being away from that, to discover exactly how unhealthy it had all been.
You'll thank yourself in the end.
2007-08-11 19:23:55 · answer #2 · answered by Laura 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is very precious and many marriages do go through bad patches. Many people take the easy way out and get divorced, but most of these problems can be sorted out with time and effort. Threats of divorce is destructive and might just lead to divorce.
Have a good frank discussion with him (not an argument but a gentle but frank discussion). Ask him if he is happy in the marriage or what is the one thing in the marriage that makes him unhappy. Listen to him and try to understand him from his point of view. Do that before you discuss your unhappiness. Try making him his favourite meal to prepare the groundwork
before you start this.
Marriage counselling is a suggestion, go alone first then persuade him to come later.
2007-08-11 19:19:07 · answer #3 · answered by georgebonbon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry this is no longer a marriage. You have a child to think about and he should be your #1 concern. If your "husband" doesn't spend anytime with either one of you then why are you sticking around for this type of abuse. Move on and find someone who wants to be with both of you. I agree "he wants his cake and eat it too", well marriage isn't when you feel like being married. It is a 24/7 deal and takes a lot of responsibility especially when a child is involved.
2007-08-11 19:40:30 · answer #4 · answered by nascar88honey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have let him get away with it for 3 years..he's had his cake and ate it too. Tell him you have an appointment with your lawyer to draw up divorce papers...see his reaction. Tell him 3 years of seperation is more then enough and if he isn't coming home then you need to move on with your life. Are you going to spend the rest of your life with a guy who only wants to spend time with you when it's on his terms...come on you deserve better and you know it!!
2007-08-11 19:10:25 · answer #5 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Either way you don't gain anything. He doesn't want to be a real husband. If you tell him that you are going through with the divorce, he probably will let you, or he will tell you not to and your situation will be the same.
2007-08-11 19:16:07 · answer #6 · answered by Donna J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously neither one of you know what you want, as far as marriage or divorce goes. Sounds like you are both quite immature and not old enough MENTALLY to be married.
2007-08-11 19:11:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have filed a long time ago. Never listen to what a man says, watch what he does. If he really wanted to be with you and save his marriage, he would be with you.
2007-08-11 19:23:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you dont have a marriage to begin with.. it's better to get out and move on cause he's using you as a crutch.. sounds like a friendship is about all youll get in the end..
2007-08-11 19:12:42 · answer #9 · answered by jeselynn_81 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't bargain unless you're willing to lose !
You might offer the divorce, and he might take you up on it, and then what?
Is that what you really want?
2007-08-11 19:10:22 · answer #10 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋