He wants a divorce, I know that I need counseling, but what kind?

Question

I have never seen a counselor before, but I need to see one now. I was sexually abused as a kid, I have major trust issues and I really don't take rejection very well. I have anger management problems, exspecially when I feel rejected. Last night I lost it, my husband wouldn't kiss me because he didn't want to feel like he was forced to, I was so hurt, it was like tearing my heart out! I got drunk (not something that I usually do), I threw a mirior at the floor and broke it (yep 7 years of bad luck) I hit him and then, well then I really just wanted to grab a knife and kill myself! The only thing that stopped me was that I didn't know how to stab myself that would make me die, then I would end up in a hospital in the psych ward and I am closterphobic (is that how you spell it?) so that would not be good - so what kind of counselor do I need??

yes spitchus you are right, why do you think that I am trying to see a counselor?? Hello I need help and this is all new to me so everyone with their smart *** answer could just leave

Lots of good answers/advice here, I looked up what NeoDelta - Borderline personality disorder (BPD) - WOW some of that really hit home, for years I could not go on vacation without my kids or my mother and sister(everyone are adults) just the thought of flying on different planes, being in different states just FREAKED me out! I do not take rejection very easily and try my best to please EVERYONE in my life, to the point where I had no life of my own! I had a great job for 9 years but lost it due to the company contracting it my postion. I have had 8 jobs in 2 short years! 8 Jobs! My children just turned 18 and 19, I feel so worthless not being a mother to young babies!
I want to thank everyone for their answers, most answers where upbuilding and helpful

Answer 1

Hi

So sorry that you have been through such horrific experiences. You can get counselling from anyone, but preferably one that specailising in rape and sexual abuse. None of it was your fault and you are not to blame. They made you feel this way, but with the help, support and counseling you can overcome this and live a fulfilled life.

You havent said whether your husband knows about the abuse, either way try sitting down with him and talking about how your feeling and about the abuse, try not to make the conversation one sided, ask him how he is feeling, how tis is having an effect on him. If you find it too difficult to talk without it becoming an arguement try writing him a letter.

You sound like you need to see a doctor as soon as possible. They can then give you medication to help with the anger and depression. Going onto a psych ward can have its benefits as well as the negatives. By the sounds of what you have said it might be worth speaking to your doctor about a mental disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder, and see what they say. I say this because of your fear of rejection and anger problems.

If you would like to speak to other survivors of abuse, who can relate to how you are feeling, this website is great, the members are all survivors and can offer support and advice when you need it.

Hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

You need to go see a counselor or therapist that can handle a broad range of problems. Your anger probably stems from the abuse when you were a kid. Most of what you describe sounds exactly like my wife. Your husband doesn't sound very understanding. Have you talked to him about your past and let him know how it makes you feel? Most people who haven't been molested or raped have no idea how deep the trauma goes and how it never goes away, you just have to learn how to deal with it and not let it run your life. This is what the counseling is for. You should probably take some anger management classes also before you hurt yourself or somebody else. Killing yourself is not the answer. Life sucks at times and can be hard and overwhelming, but there are so many good things that can happen to change your mind. Stay away from the alcohol until you have self control. It's up to you to change....you have to want to be a better person.

Answer 3

You need to see a sexual assault counsellor. Is there a local sexual assault unit in your area? They are specialised to deal with everything you are describing. Your anger comes from your abuse, so once your abuse is addressed, your anger will also be addressed. It's good that you are recognising your need to see someone because sexual assault is devestating and even more so for a child. It creates so much confusion in a child and they grow up never really maturing properly.....they have been damaged at a very early age, so it only stands to reason that they would not "view the world" the way a non-abused child does. Dont beat yourself up though.....what happened to you as a child you had no control over and your emotions and the way you deal with things is very natural for a survivor of child sexual abuse. It is not acceptable, and you recognise that. It takes a lot of guts to get help for such a terrible thing. It would create lots of horrible memories of the past.....thats why you have to see a sexual assault counsellor because it takes a specialised person to help someone who has been sexually abused as a child. If things seem to be getting out of hand, I have a good ear and maybe I can help until you can get into counselling......take care.

Answer 4

You need a more supportive husband. You have been through a lot and he should be the one to suggest you both going. Don't feel bad about what happen to you, it;s not your fault. If you love him and don't want a divorce, as him to go with you too see a psychologist and tell him you need him to be supportive but only if he WANTS to be there. Never make anyone be with you because they will eventually leave. If he is a good man, he will care for you and make your life a necessity before his own in your time of need.

Peace out and good luck.

Answer 5

It do no longer sound such as you all particularly have been given to understand a minimum of one yet another in the previous you purchased married for the reason which you all have completely diverse targets in existence, in case you are trying to get issues shifting and progression forward he's stagnant and does not decide to do something, and the child situation particularly get me for the reason which you pronounced you opt to have toddlers and he does not understand if or whilst he will decide to have them, you're on 2 diverse tiers top now and he seems to be indignant approximately some thing. in many cases whilst looking a extra robust half you %. somebody with the comparable targets and values which you have, and except he did an entire 360 degree turn when you purchased married, you probably could desire to have chosen a various companion. attempt to get counseling, its particularly effectual and if he does not need to make a metamorphosis you will be able to desire to be with somebody with the comparable targets and issues in ordinary which you have, particularly a guy that provide you a toddler. sturdy success and that i wish i did no longer sound advise.

Answer 6

You need to see a therapist about your child abuse, a marriage counselor for your relationship and you definitely need anger management classes. I hope everything turns out well between your husband and you. Good luck

Answer 7

OK first off you asked this so I'm gonna be straight with you...i was raped and beat as a child. as i aged i knew i never wanted to make anyone else feel dirty or used the way i felt, so when i got married and had children i got off my duff saw a counselor , and never used my past to explain my actions now, its a cop out. you obviously know what you are doing and continue to do it. why would you treat another human as you were treated? why would you not love harder? to lean on your past for pity for your actions is sad and frankly an easy way out. get off your butt go the hospital and get help , no one else can help you but you

Answer 8

A regular pyschologist willhelp you get started and then work onto a relationship counseling, but you need to start here. Good luck

Answer 9

you need to find a regular counsellor that specializes in childhood abuse and anger issues. go see your family doctor and ask him to recommend someone.

Answer 10

Ask your regular dr. for a referral.
Ask friends for referral.
GO ASAP