I need to find a way to avoid a divorce.?

Question

My wife and i have being married for 7 year this month.we have had our ups and downs and lately we have not being able to stop arguing.
we have a beautiful 7 month old baby girl. she is the reason why I want to avoid the divorce. However my wife does not. i fear that baby will suffer the results of our decision.. I love my wife to death and i would do anything for her. and i know she loves me too deep in side. even though claims she is falling out of love for me.. she still tells me she loves me.. and that gives me hope.. I do not know what to do. she does not want counseling... but has agreed to it... but she says that she does not think it will help..
What can i do to save my marriage when she some times does not want to? i want to avoid us all three the pain of divorse. any advise will be helpful.

We are both christians and belive in the the Lord almighty. And is not overwelmed with the baby, I do help.. I can't be affectionate with her, because she does not want me to or even hug her or kiss her. Bed time is not the same.

Answer 1

You must give her time to settle down, if you continue the argument session how will she rethink about this divorce issue. More you guys argue on any matrimonial issue more she become reluctant to continue with you. Let me tell one golden rule about love, if you love some one just keep it in your heart & don't speak out it openly but with your action let other feel it. You want to huge her or kiss her, just avoid it for sometime, but remember her birthday or any special occasion of her life & take her for dinner & give her gift of something she always wished to have, this action she will feel & confirm as your love for her. A woman get more happy when she gets a feeling of being really loved by her man through his action not necessary such an action should only be physical in nature but action that shows his real emotions towards her. Whenever there is an argument/dispute/issue between both of you, just agree with her for a change & say she is right for what ever she say, this will make her momentarily happy ,but when she realize it afterwards she will her self tell you that she was wrong & you right. In the mean time give more time to your baby, play with her, off & on bring toys & clothes etc for her, take the baby for out with you. All these will show your love & affection for the baby which your wife will feel & realize what this baby will lose by leaving you. This feeling will give her a second thought about going for divorce as no mother wants her child to suffer for no fault of his or her but just because of the parents. Try out these as I told you here & you observe a change in your wife soon.

Answer 2

Often when the fighting is so intense, counseling does seem pointless. What matters, what will make the difference and save your marriage, is that the two of you get down whatever the root of your problems are and find a way to repair that. This is where a good impartial counselor can help. I would also suggest you each see the counselor independently. That way you can purge some frustrations without further injuring your wife and she can do the same. Whatever it is that has come between you can be fixed, but you both have to really want to reach that goal. Maybe right now she's not there yet, but it sounds like the wounds are still pretty fresh. Give her time, patience and encouragement. She needs to know you are still committed to working it out and you love her enough to go the distance. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. It takes a lot of patience, time, and good listening to work out big marital problems, but you have already expressed that she is worth it. You need to keep expressing this to her too and hang in there. Do get the counseling, even if she refuses, do it for yourself. The fact that you are going to try whether or not she is with you may be enough to prove to her you mean it when you say you will go the distance, and it will help you gain perspective for yourself as well. Good Luck!

Answer 3

From the details provided by you, we understand there is no problem in your life: There is some small things you both take in a big way:

You both have to make the following decision
1.we should not speak of the past
2. any decision will be discussed and taken jointly
3.if one gives suggestion for a matter, the other should not argue
simply tell if the other find any defect
4. avoid ego,
5. adopt give and take policy

if you both have self confidence need not go to a doctor
if you both find needed go
change the present place of residence

plan the life and works

God will put you all in good and safe place
Your baby will be the main treasure for your life

Answer 4

There's some great books on this subject. You may want to read books by John Gottman (especially Seven Principles of a Happy Marriage) or Divorce Busting by Michelle Weiner Davis (I believe that's her name). You may also want to go to marriage counseling. In general, try to take breaks when discussion gets too heated. Also try your best to disagree without blaming or criticizing the other person. Think about what you can and can't compromise about and make the areas that you can compromise about as large as possible. I wish you all the best!

Answer 5

If you really love her and she love syou too you should work this out by seeing a therapist, I agree. But if she is not in love with you dont force things because you will both live unhappy and in everyday arguments infront of the little one. The other solution is to take a break in love life and just continue to share the same shelter in great respect of each other for the sake of the baby. I think its a normal thing to happen to be in arguments when you are together in a long relationship. It happens to all of us but divorce is really the last solution, if there's no violence involved or ilresponsiblities concerning the baby, then what's point of divorce.

Answer 6

It appears that more than you, it is your wife who is more insistent on divorce. If you love your wife and she loves you as well, I fail to understand why she is unwilling to give the marriage a chance. A divorce is permanent and not a temporary separation. I hope she realises that.
As for the baby's future, you will have to provide for her upkeep after divorce and also be able to meet her periodically as per the court's decision. But as she grows up, she will slowly realise that she is a child of separated parents and a truncated family as opposed to children who have both their parents in a normal family. That can hardly be considered usual and it will surely affect her life. So there is every reason to avoid a divorce for her sake.
As for your dislike for the baby, I think your behaviour is irrational. A child might behave in many different ways as it doesn't understand everything. But parents must be reasonable. She will understand your love and affection in time as she grows up.

Answer 7

U both r psychological patients, it seems. First get medically checked up thoroughly. Then go for counselling & follow instructions strictly. Both may be of high blood pressure. Stop belligerent & adamant nature. Be cool. Stop taking food which excites u both . Why can't u both or at least u alone become positive, tolerant, sincere, sweet & soft in words & actions( a must for sustaining happy married life as basic etiquettes u don't understand ) for at least few months . That may change her. If one keeps quiet, half problem is solved at once. There must not be any question of who wins or loses at the end. A good spouse prefers being defeated in domestic affairs instead of indulging all bogus altercations & arguments as nonsense only. Only fools go for lengthy arguments with spouse. Respect each other inside & outside the house particularly when somene is present. Never shout, insult , rebuke, snub, taunt or ridicule the spouse anywhere. Such doers are not good spouses, lacking basic knowledge & understanding of being a spouse by basic concept itself. It is simple to understand. I've seen illiterate villagers being able to pass long happy marrid life like fairytales & u being well educated face such bogus problem & thinking of most horrible thing like divorce on bogus ego problem & that too inside house. God has instructed that divorce is the worst legal thing. Why to think of that so soon without thinking deeply about the small daughter's future ? I'm sorry for my words. Please save your family by being POSITIVE.
Go on tour for a change at beautiful romantic sites convenient for you. Make weekly such visits at places nearby. Watch good & clean comedy movies everyday, not having any fight scene at all. Good luck.

Answer 8

Counseling. Believe me, talk your wife into going to a few apointments. You'll hopefully work out your differences and maybe remember a few of the happier times you've had together. Also, maybe a vacation without your daughter may bring back some of the old spark. Somewhere relaxing and new might make your wife see you in a whole new light. Good luck and wishes.

Answer 9

50% of marriage life is an adjestment of both man and women. If one time come the word divorce, it effected all of your relationship in future also, Anyway discuss with your wife and try to avoid divorce but it happened already in your life.

Answer 10

I will be very honest with you. I think your wife really does not want to commit to making things better. it might be time to just let her go and remain on good terms for your daughter. Trust me If i were a child i would rather be with parents who are divorced, then with parents who dont really want to be with each other. kids feel those kind of things and will blame themselves for the unhappiness of their parents.

Latelly both my parents and my parents inlaw have been going through very harsh times and in laws are heading for divorce. The man commited to counseling but said from the start it wouldnt work, still attended just to do it. it only led to the separation 6 month after the counselling. Counselling only workd when both people are willing to invest 100% into it and believe like little kids that it would work. otherwise its useless.

my husband and i only been married for 4 months and we noticed we are faighting a lot latelly, so i suggested we read books on fighting fair. he is not a reader at all.... but same night he sat down and read a book. thats commitment. regardless of how you feel.

I am very sorry to say this your wife doesnt want it anymore.