If I could be
What you want me;
Then that is just what I would be;
But then; you see...
What I would be;
Is certainly not me.
But I; you see;
Could also be...
Kind..loving and free;
And then I'd still be me...
2007-08-11 10:38:19 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Good!
2007-08-11 10:44:25 · answer #1 · answered by Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a good poem...but I'd suggest adding "to be" after "want me" in the second line...and don't be afraid of overdoing the phrase, because it is central to your poem. The only other thing I'd change is the last line...so it read, "best of all, I'd still be me" or "and best of all, I'd still be me"...only because it puts a complete ending on the poem instead of half a phrase. It works either way, it just sounds better to my ear with a longer phrase to finish it off.
In any event, nicely done :)
keep writing
2007-08-14 01:01:43 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great but emotional
2007-08-11 19:11:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's very sad and emotional
2007-08-11 17:45:58 · answer #4 · answered by I'm_not_dead_yet. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats good i like it
2007-08-11 18:12:08 · answer #5 · answered by julz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! that's great!
2007-08-11 17:53:43 · answer #6 · answered by teal beach brianna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ace :-)
2007-08-11 22:19:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋