Why does everyone have to be so rude and nosy?

Question

Ok, there is kind of a weird situation here. I was married & now we are divorced. It was a hard situation, etc., etc., etc. I moved out, but we were never mean & nasty like a lot of divorces I have witnessed.
When it comes down 2 it, we are still friends & enjoy doing things together, like going 2 lunch or whatever. Sometimes 1 of us has a project that would be a lot easier w/ an extra set of hands & the other will help with it, etc.
Well, every1 is just so stupid abt us spending time together. They always ask if we "messed around" or if I "got any" or whatever else rude-none-of-their-business thing they want 2 say. Honestly, we are both completely over the bad part of our relationship & neither of us has any interest in any type of romantic relationship w/ each other anymore.
We are just friends. Why is that so hard for people 2 accept? I really think that we were meant 2 meet & be friends but we got confused 4 awhile & accidentally got married.

We get along great, but we just can't live together. Why is this a problem?

What would you say to people who have to bring it up all the time? Please tell me something more than "it's none of your business". I need something more than that.

Also, it is getting to where I feel like I have to hide the fact that we are spending time together, but it is kind of hard when you live in a pretty small town and people see you around.

Why can people not accept that we enjoy each other's company, but don't want to live together? And that we can spend time together without it having to be a sexual thing?

I am getting really tired of people asking where I was and then freaking out when they find out I was with "my ex".

By the way, we prefer not to call each other "ex" either. It just has that negative connotation!

Help! It is getting crazy around here!

Okay, for those who obviously don't get it, I felt I needed to make it a little bit longer than average so that you could understand the situation.

For the one who said we don't need the details on the trash -- in case you didn't notice, I left out the trash. I didn't tell you all about our problems when we were married. The question isn't about that, it is about the situation now.

If you don't want to read a long question, don't read it, but don't bother answering it either!

Thank you to everyone else who has answered so far. You have been very helpful.

Answer 1

First off, I have to say congratulations. You and your former husband are excellent people, to overcome the negativity of divorce and still remain friends.

The best I can advise you is... tell anyone who is rude enough to ask things like that, that you and your former husband have a Jerry/Elaine relationship. That both of you are mature enough adults, in order to remain friendly despite what happened.

Hopefully the word "mature" will shut them up in the future.

Answer 2

WOW! I didn't read all of your responses, but seems like you got a lot of JacA$$ responses.

Being friends with the 'former' (note I didn't say ex) friend that you thought enough to marry says a lot about the relationship.

I had a 'friend' for 4 years. I got stupid and picked up another 'honey', 'friend' eventually married some chick and SHE declared that we could no longer be friends. That's a big loss to me.

First hubby didn't see it coming, but we still friends. Still e him about stuff, he responds.

Second hubby.. I didn't see it coming, Have talked to him once about a mutual friend. Have no desire to yak with him a bit. Glad that his "hottie" found someone else, glad that he knocked up some 21 year old and now he has to pay child support for a long time.

OK, now here's my point.. My brother ran off and married a wonderful lady. Divorced her (he was the total jerk off), then married her again!

Well, they divorced again, but she never again found the love of her life and hasn't married again.

They could have been friends, and had been, but couldn't live together.

I think that if it's a mutual separation, nobody gets screwed, you should continue to be friends.

This prolly don't make sense, but it's as close as I can come at this hour.

Answer 3

me, I would just tell them, "you know, sex is so much better now that we're not married." lol you don't have to answer to anyone. you are divorced, you can remain civil and helpful, and that's all that matters. whenever someone asks about the relationship, just tell them that you both have chosen to remain friends, and that there is no romantic interest on either side. for those who just want the dirt, be a smart@$$ like I would and tell them what they want to hear. who really cares if you're still banging the ex? I wouldn't want those details myself, but some people do, I guess.

I still have to go through this all the time. I separated from my ex 7 1/2 years ago, and after a very messy divorce, we decided to be civil for our son's sake. we have both been married and divorced since then, but I include him in everything I do for our son, birthday parties, Christmas, barbeques, summer outings to the park (hey, bring your other kid so he can be with his brother and sister), those type things. my son loves it, we get along fine, and we're the only ones who should care. but his girlfriend can't stand it. she runs around asking everyone why we got divorced, if they think that if things had changed would the divorce have happened, and went so far as to tell my ex when I got him a Christmas present from our son that "she's still in love with you. she wants you back." I just have to take it with a grain of salt and be thankful she's not my partner, or I would seriously have to hurt the stupid girl!

when someone oversteps their bounds and asks questions you don't feel they should be concerned with, smile sweetly and say "I have on my big girl panties today, and I think I can handle it without your help, but thanks for offering." that should get them! lol good luck!

Answer 4

This is easy...People dont and cant understand a relationship of this magnitude. It dumbfounds them! Think about how it appears to everyone elses viewpoint and then think about how many people this happens and what normally happens in todays society. Truth is cutie, that most marriages that turn sour cannot be turned into a friendship after its demise..The bitterness that is left is to painful for one or the other..Most marriages end with one person wanting to stay in the relationship and the other wanting and dying to get out...Hence the forgoing problem of either person having a amicable relationship after the relationship ends. On the other hand there are a rare few people (like yourself and your exhusband) who come to an equal and extremely mature and rare agreement to end the relationship and go back to friendship like it was before the marriage. My ex wife was my best friend for 6 years before we ever did anything physically or had any thoughts of marriage...And even now after its over I still cannot fathom the thought of even trying to be friends with her ever again...This is why people are wondering WTF is going on, cause its not normal and the way they figure it, something sexual or physical is the only way they can rationalize it in thier brains! I hope I helped you!

Answer 5

When people ask questions, do ask they "why do you want to know?" For those close to you just tell them that you don't appreciate questions regarding your personal life, if you felt you wanted them to know, you would offer a conversation. If you do want to get into a little more detail, just tell them that you enjoy a relationship with somebody you have been so close to, and to have close friends is important to you.
Remember, people thrive on others misfortune and everybody wants to be the first to know, so they can tell. Regardless, they will talk about it whether you reply or not. Give no information - get no response. And for your closest friends, just tell them you expected a little more civilized behavior than what they have expressed, and let them know that you would never ask them so why do they think it's ok to pry. Eventually, people will ease off.

Answer 6

I was in same situation with my ex husband before he died 2 yrs ago. When we were married and going through our messy divorce, we hated each other. But alot of mellowing over the years made us good friends, plus we saw what our bitterness was doing to our two boys, so we figured we best get along. I always told him that I loved him dearly but could not live with him. Alot of my family could not understand how good we got along , but we figured it was not for them to really understand, as long as we were happy and our boys were happy too, that's all that mattered. When he died I truly lost my best friend. It felt as if my heart had been torn out. What I am telling you, enjoy your times together, and cherish what you have, because it could be taken away from you in a split second, like Kenny was taken from me. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 7

Firstly, congratulations on handling your divorce in a mature way.
Secondly, there is no problems being great friends until one of you become remarried and then for the sake of the other spouses you would need to stop.
Thirdly, if you love his friendship so much why couldn't you have worked harder at your relationship while you were married. Friendship is a foundation to any successful marriage.

Answer 8

Simple answer to the question: "Why does everyone...."
Because they have to much time. because they are bored and looking for subjects for their gossip .
Why bother? Why worry?
I have "friends " that ask me : "why don't you get along with your ex?", even when they know what a horrible person he was .
What can you say about this kind of stupid and mean question?
You can consider yourself lucky, as your ex is a decent and nice guy.

Answer 9

You don't have to put up with rude behavior. As for nosiness, it's only human nature. We are inquisitive. HOWEVER, you assume just because someone asks a question that you have to answer it. You don't. You don't have to explain your situation to anyone. When you're asked a probing question, you could say in a smile and with a snarky voice "that's a very personal question!". Leave it at that. OR, just don't answer. Quickly go on to another subject.

Answer 10

Just say, 'We're good friends now. Do you mess around with good friends? I don't.'
'We're good friends now. So, no, I didn't get any. I don't use good friends for that.'
The thing is, if you wanted to bend everyone's ear about your divorce and your relationship now, and you just Yakk, yakk, yakked away about it, people would eventually run the other way and never want to hear another word about it! But since you don't want to discuss it, they do! Think about that and you will somehow eventually see a middle ground.