Child-Free Seniors: Do you regret not having children?

Question

I've been married ten years; my husband and I are in our 30's and can't decide whether to have kids. (I want them more than he does.) I'm afraid that if I don't have kids I might *really* regret it someday. Thoughts?

Answer 1

I am not quite a senior yet.

Few, if any people will regret it. I had a vasectomy when I was 21. That was 20 years ago. A few years back, my girlfriend and I attended my high school reunion. Many of my school mates didn’t have children. They all traveled the world, as I have.

I live only a few miles from a 55+ community. I know a lot of child-free seniors. Not a single one makes mention of regretting it.

I know a lot of people that have children, whom regret having them. They will never admit to their regrets in public. They however will in private.

I think not having children is so great. It is the best choice I ever made. It is the old decision that I place above attending college.

I think I have encountered just as many people that are rude and abusive about it as those that are supportive.


I know a lot of child-free people. Not a single one regrets it.

I know a lot of people that have children, whom regret having them. They will never admit to their regrets in public. They however will in private.

I think not having children is so great. It is the best choice I ever made. It is the old decision that I place above attending college.

I think I have encountered just as many people that are rude and abusive about it as those that are supportive.

Answer 2

My husband and I our in our 30s as well and we are not having kids. I planned on having kids before I met him. I went through asking myself will I regret it at first but no that is not even a concern as I have made up my mind that I do not want them, even if my husband I were to divorce. My husband and I run our own business and all our spare time is spent together as we are each other's best friend, so I never feel lonely. I can understand why women do have kids when their husband is always at work or is not there emotionally, the kids become the companion and support to the woman.

We love to travel and do lots of fun new things we couldn't do if we have children. If you aren't into travelling and going to concerts, out to dinner, new courses and stuff, then maybe having a child won't be an issue. You can take a trip during school hoildays.Because we don't have kids our marriage doesn't take a back seat. We have lots of romance! If you want children they will come first and your husband will get less of your time. I don't believe in divorce and my marriage is the most important thing to me. By not having kids my marriage is way better off.

I had a choice, I could have the love of my life and no kids or settle for someone less, for the sake of a child. Since you are already married, are you willing to walk away from your husband and marriage, so you can have a baby? Is a child more important to you then your husband?

I realised there was more in my only once chance at life to do see and exprience rather than just sit in the suburbs being a mother. My fantasies of having kids was as in babies and before school age. I never gave thought to what teenagers and young adults would be like. Something you need to think about. Babies are cute but there is a chance they could grow up to be young adults that cause you a lot of pain. This is not the 1950s, have a look at how young kids are these days and not all have bad parents. You will worry about your kids every single day of your life. Then they will grow up and have their own lives.

My husband and I work at a shelter for stray animals and so all the love we would have gave to one child we can give to all these beautiful animals. And what about old age? Well, we will cope just the same way all old people do. Look at how many people are sitting in old age homes that do have kids that never come to see them. Having kids to look after you in old age or leave your stuff to in a will is not a good enough reason to have them imo. Your husband might cave into having a baby if he is afraid of losing you but it's not fair to your huband or the baby.

Oh and the women that regret having kids are usually the ones that didn't meet the right guy until later on when it was too late or too busy chasing their careers, so it is about the circumstances not them not wanting kids. Women that make a choice to not have them however usually don't regret it.

Answer 3

No children.

No regrets.

I never saw having children as any kind of insurance against a lonely old age.

I did see the world and could not imagine any child of mine not being hurt by it in some way - and that would be harder for me to bear than having no children at all.

I made my life as full as a life can be - I did things that I never would have done if I had children (good and bad!) and I saw things that I wouldnt have missed for all the tea in china - but I would have missed if I had children.

So no - in all honesty - I have no regrets. And I would urge caution if you and your husband are not in total agreement - it is not true that children bind a marriage - I have seen TOO many marriages go wrong BECAUSE children came into them when not both partners were as keen.

So - be careful but do what is right for you.

Good luck and have a happy future - with or without!!

Answer 4

I did in my 30s and 40s. Now I am glad I didn't have any.Because I know to many seniors who are raising their grand babies.Today's society is pushing teens to have sex at a early age.They get pregnant.They are still children,who is going to raise the Grand or even Great Grand Children? The only ones that have any brains left.I do have 2 Step children and I enjoyed them.But,they are grown and have careers to take the place of babies.My thoughts are adopt a older child that is being over looking,make a difference in the world,and perhaps save a little life.We have to many children now.

Answer 5

I am a 58 year old male, heterosexual, never married and childless. There are rare times when I see a happy family enjoying each other that I momentarily wish I had gone the 'family' route. Then I think for a minute. I remember some friends whose son is autistic. I remember another friend's two vain, greedy, ungrateful daughters. I see my friend whose daughter only calls him when she needs money. I see friends my age working a thankless job 50 hours a week to pay for their kids' cell phone bills, college, you name it. I see families that can barely stand each other's company. So... I ask myself, do I know more children I would want to live with than children I would hate to live with? For me, it's a no brainer. I retired at 50 and would still be getting up at the crack of dawn, fighting traffic an hour each way, working 8 hours minimum and return home to god knows what crisis of the day (Mom found a packet of crank in junior's backpack). Give me the childless life.

Answer 6

I'm an old man. I don't like the term "senior citizen." Sounds like we're about to graduate to a hole in the ground.

My wife has died. My only sibling, my brother has died. My parents are dead. If it wasn't for my three kids, who are all grown, I'd be totally alone.

A lot of old men like me are of the old lion type, pretty much loners - very few friends, if any. The deepest conversation I have each week is saying "how ya doin'" to the guy at the convenience store when I buy my lottery ticket.

Sounds dismal but it's not - not really. I rather like it this way. Of course, I'd like to have my wife back and my brother and my parents but the funny thing about death is its permanence. But I love the idea that my kids are there even though I don't interact with them that much any more now that they're grown and have a life of their own. It's just really, really nice to know they're there if I feel like talking or need them. I can't imagine how it would be without them.

Answer 7

I have no regrets at all. I decided when I was 19 that I didnt want kids,it was the Vietnam era. Now that we are in Iraq and Afghanistan I am especially glad. It was the right choice for me but I suppose some would take argument with my reasons.

Answer 8

before my ( now deceased ) wife and I decided we would not have children we talked about having a family. at the time I was working at a place which paid less than minimum wage. so we decided not to bring a child into this world because if we did we would have to have had financial aid from Government Agencies or family members. This would not have been fair so this was the deciding factor in our choice.

Answer 9

No regrets.

You are either one of these people who feel the urge to reproduce yourself or you are not. I never felt that urge.

As a senior, I have lots of interests and friends. I am close to my family, my sisters and their kids and their kids... a family is a lot more than just your direct line of descent.

I am far from lonely; and, hopefully some of the friends and family members I have helped will be there for me when I am too old to care for myself it that day ever comes.

For thing is for certain, I realize that having children is no guarantee of support in your old age. You are as likely to end up supporting them, and/or their children, as they are to support you. I have seen a lot of that. Old people burdened with young children and teenagers that their should be the responsibility of the parents who are too busy off doing their own thing.

Answer 10

Yes, I'm afraid you WILL regret it! I was married for 15 years and could never conceive. After the first 6 years of infertility, I had surgery to unblock my fallopian tubes in the hopes that that would do the trick. No such luck! That was in '86. Eventually, my former husband abandoned our marriage, and I was left alone to fend for myself. Now, I am almost 52 and past menopause. It's too late now, no matter what. I missed the boat, and I'm very unhappy about that. Children and grandchildren are the greatest source of joy in a senior citizen's life. They usually provide comfort and care in the declining years. Without that support system, what do we have when we are old and unable to look after ourselves? Your husband needs to realize that life passes us by all too quickly, and having a family to love us is important.